Doctor Suze Ten Years in the Future!
by Em Fargo
Summary: Ten years after the boox, suze is a psychologist! she makes some friends, and now... in walks PAUL! some OCs but mostly real chars. TURNING IN2 A DRAMA! r8ing 4 kissing, some suggestion, and violence.
1. The Ad

Confidential to Meg Cabot: You don't remember this, but we have MET!! Ha-ha everyone! I have met her and YOU HAVEN'T!!! Meg, when you were in Northern California on a Princess Diaries tour and you handed out little tiaras and notepads and I was the oldest one there without my OWN kids... I hadn't read many of your books yet, but now I have read them ALL!!! (Except the ones I am reading now of course) All hail the great Meggin!!!

Disclaimer: Sigh I don't own Suze... or... do I have to say this? Fine. I... don't... own... Jesse. Waah! Or... Paul... although frankly, I wouldn't mind. Here that Meggin? If you ever feel like selling... call me! But I made all the rest up! Except the Simon says bit. I actually thought of that and then I was like "hey wait that was in the book huh!" So I used it.

Anyway, here is what Suze and her "buddies" are up to 10 years after the books! She is now a little older than Jesse. Funny how that works, isn't it? Ah, well. This is in Suze's POV. If you are a fan of PS, then... you are crazy! If you R, please R! Hah, if you don't know what that means, just review and I'm sure some nice person will tell you! I'll probably be putting up about a chapter a week.

An ad from the classifieds of the local newspaper:

**Do you see ghosts? Does your child insist he or she sees ghosts? Has a friend ever said in what sounded like seriousness that he or she has seen, spoken to, or touched, a ghost? Simon says: call Dr. Susannah Simon, PhD. If I cannot solve your problem, I will waive the fee. My unique techniques have never failed me. I can tell whether they are making it up, hallucinating... etc. I have already made a child go from an indoor introvert to a friendly little boy who stopped saying he could see ghosts! **

It proceeded to say where the sessions would take place, my brand new office phone number, and that a one-hour session was all that was needed, as well as possible follow-ups depending on the patient.

"Very impressive, querida. And will you be giving yourself counseling?" Jesse was reading my ad.

"If seeing ghosts is a sickness, I don't think I'll be cured, thank you." I replied.

He grinned. I noticed that he had been catching up with the 20th century lately. He might even be in the 21st soon... Our relationship had been getting more serious lately, as if we were just two ordinary 20-something year olds in love... we weren't married though... I tried not to think about that, though. The day after my ad printed, I was bombarded with phone calls. There couldn't be that many mediators out there, could there? Some of them must have been either lying or just wrong... I had my secretary make them all appointments. Secretary. Hah. Like I had a secretary. I WAS my own secretary.

RR and I'll post my next chapter... Suze's 1st session!


	2. The First Session: Leon

Disclaimer: I do not own S, J, or P. These are all letters that are thousands of years old. I also do not own Suze, Jesse, or Paul. The great and powerful Meg Cabot does. She should have a religion. She rules.  
And you know who else rules? My reviewers. You are all the bomb. Now, to further prolong the suspense of waiting for my chapter, I will acknowledge ALL OF THEM! Bwahaha.

I should warn you that this will be more of a series of episodes than a plot… well, there might be something to it later.

Well anyway, here's Suze's first patient!

* * *

My first appointment was with a teenage boy. I've never trusted teenage boys since I met Paul, regardless of the fact that he wasn't one anymore. A teenage boy, I mean. He and his mother came into my office. I asked his mother what the problem was. He seemed a little peeved that I hadn't asked _him_.

"Well," his mother began. "Leon always, you know, says he sees, you know, ugly deformed ghosts. Then he describes them and it really, you know, puts people off their lunch."

"I see." I said. I wrote in my notepad. _Ugly ghosts only. Feels need to describe._ I had decided to doubt this story. "And what do _you_ think the problem is, Leon?"

Leon shot a disgusted look at his mother. "Well, like, I see, like, these really gross looking things, and, like, no one believes me so I describe it and stuff to prove my point. No one ever freakin believes me about freakin anything. Like right now, there's-" His mother cut him off with a terrified look. He grinned.

I was beginning to see where this is going. Now for a test. I would have to try it out on Leon, but I was reasonable sure where his case was headed, so this would be a good control. I glanced at the clipboard for their last name. "Mrs. McGurty? Would you mind if I talked to your son alone?" She nodded with what appeared to be relief and left the room. I locked the door and said "Alright then," which Jesse knew was the code for him to get visible. Leon showed no signs of noticing. "Now, do you see a ghost right now?" He nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn't quite comfortable with the routine so I thought it may be best to follow it. I cut him off to ask him the question he was about to answer anyway. "Can you describe it for me please?" He looked irritated by my interruption but eager to follow my instruction.

"It looks like it used to be a beautiful girl, blonde, blue prom dress. But now her skin is rotting, her dress is torn, and her hair is in patches. She was in a car accident cause she's covered in burn marks and a lot of her bones are jutting out. Her head isn't hanging straight on her neck, either. She probably had a painful burning death before she broke her own neck to put herself out of her own misery."

This was the most grotesque thing I had ever heard. Jesse looked like he would have thrown up if he had any fluid in him… I hoped all my clients wouldn't act like this. Still, I had to stick to my routine. "And what is its name?"

"Umm…" his eyes shifted to the right, meaning that he was thinking up a lie, unless I was mistaken about his dominant hand, which I doubted. "Cinder-" God, he had almost named her Cinderella. He seemed to realize how stupid this was, though. "I mean, um, Ellen." He had confirmed my suspicions, which made me angry. I would have to deal with him with a firm hand.

"You are lying." I said flatly. Jesse raised his eyebrows, but I couldn't tell what his expression meant.

"You can't prove that. For all you know I am telling the truth." Hah. So he thought. A little persuasion may be in order.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I can." He didn't look convinced. "See, there are people who really _do_ see ghosts." His eyes widened at this.

"And how do you know _they_ aren't the liars?" He grinned, thinking he had won. Not even close.

He'd asked for it. "I am one of them." His jaw dropped, but he managed to compose himself; though by now he had abandoned all pretenses that he was telling the truth.

"Yeah? And who'll believe you? I happen to know how to look pretty innocent. Unless you are recording this? And if you are, prove it!"

"It happens that I'm not recording anything. I have a patient confidentiality agreement. However, I know someone who would definitely believe me. Jesse?" Jesse turned to look at me.

"Yes Doctor?" He grinned.

"Will you please prove to this darling little boy that you exist?"

"Of course. Hmm… Pass me your clipboard?"

"Sounds good." Leon was starting to look puzzled. Hah. I held out my clipboard. He took it. Leon's jaw hit the floor. Best part is, I mean that literally. He actually fell flat on his face. That was rewarding. I wondered if maybe I shouldn't be enjoying this so much. Oh well!

"Well fine, but he can't exactly tell my mother that, can he?"

"No, but you will."

"Yeah right! Like some stupid dead thing is gonna make me give up my main attention-getter! Maybe if it was alive, but it's not. You're just some dumbass psycho-logist anyway. Why should I listen to your ugly face?" He was starting to insult Jesse, and myself. Jesse was getting mad. I could tell not only by the look on his face, but by the fact that the windows were starting to shake, as was the mirror at the far side of the room. I was enjoying Leon's expression, but the glass was fragile, so I would probably have to stop Jesse now. Well it was fun anyway.

"Ok Jesse." I couldn't help laughing a little. "I think you've proven your point. Might want to quit before you break something." He looked at me a little guiltily. "Wait, there was one more test. Jesse?" Jesse walked toward Leon and slapped him. I laughed because his hand went through Leon's face just as we had thought it would. "Now then Leon, are you going to continue to try to get attention by describing grotesque dead people?" Jesse punched the table threateningly and I had to restrain a laugh.

Leon sighed. "But no one pays any attention to me otherwise!"

"Then I suggest a family session next week. Learning how to get attention without acting up. I suggest extracurricular activities, like performing, or sports. You may be a good horror writer."

"Can I write about this session?"

"Sure, as long as you call it fiction." Even Leon grinned at that. I thought that had gone pretty well. One session down…


	3. The Second Session: Monica

Disclaimer: Suze, Jesse, and Paul are jointly owned by Meg Cabot, Patricia Cabot, and Jenny Carol. Hah. I made a funny. Technically true though…

* * *

My next session was with an 8-year-old girl named Monica. As soon as she and her young mother walked in, I could guess at what was wrong. Her eyes were unfocused, as though she was looking at something no one else could see, and she had a blank expression. Before I could ask what the problem was, she started talking to herself. "Why do you haunt me?" and then, in a lower, sort of evil voice, "because you can see me." She kept switching between voices. "Well my daddy says this lady can help me." "She can't. No one can get rid of me." "When will you leave me alone?" "When you stop listening to me."

No one was talking back to her except herself. I asked her if there were any ghosts in the room. She replied that there was just the one who followed her around. Then she seemed to respond to herself, "Shut up! Don't you tell her about me!"

I replied "No, it's OK," (glance at clipboard) "Monica. Just tell me."

She gasped. "You mean you can hear him too?"

"One moment please." I consulted her mother. "You mean she doesn't know she's…" Mrs. Steinback shook her head. "Yes Monica, you are talking. There is no man there."

She looked like she was about to cry. "No one believes me!"

Oops. Well at least I'd been nice… Still, I hadn't been trained to deny a patient's claims. "Monica, I do believe you. I don't think that you are lying; but you need to know that there is no one there." I had to lay it down flatly, even if my training disagreed with me on that particular point.

"But he's always there! He knows everything I know!"

I tried the question approach. "Do you think it might be possible that this ghost is really _you_?" I could see tears beginning to well up in her eyes so I rephrased slightly. "I mean, not that you're doing anything on purpose, but that he might be some part of your subconscious? The part of you that you have no control over?" I saw doubt in her eyes, like I was starting to get through. I decided to explain. "There is a part of you that you control, called your conscious." She gave me a look like 'geez what am I, 7?' which I thought was far more normal than anything else she'd done since she stepped into my office, so I thought I might just be making progress. "Also, there is a part of you called the subconcoius that knows everything that you know but that you have no control over." She seemed puzzled, which I thought might be a good sign. I explained it a bit more until we were sure that that was the problem.

She was about to leave early, when I overheard her whispering "you didn't honestly believe all that about me being you, did you?" Then she shook her head. I called her back. It was obviously time for a different approach…

"You—'he' said earlier that he would only leave when you stopped listening to him." She looked momentarily shocked that I had this bit of information, but got over it pretty fast. She had this look on her face like "Yeah? And?" So I stated what I thought was pretty obvious. "So stop listening. Just don't respond." She looked confused, again, but then determined. She nodded. "Alright Mr. Ghost, just try to get a response out of Monica now."

"That won't be a problem." 'He' said, apparently having already adjusted to the fact that I could hear 'him'. "Monica, speak." She opened her mouth, but seemed to go through a lot of trouble to close it again. "Monica, I command you to speak, or I will hurt you again." Again? She had hurt herself before?

She appeared to be about to cave, but I interrupted. "Monica, I won't let him hurt you. Very good willpower. You don't have to do what he says. Now, let's try another step. When 'he' is speaking, you should be aware that your lips are moving and 'his' words are coming out of your mouth." She didn't look too surprised at this; as I had made it pretty clear earlier. "You need to stop that." Her lips pursed like she was straining. "Can I test?" She nodded, her mouth still clenched together. "Mr. Ghost… by the way, does this ghost have a name?" She kept her mouth shut and pointed at her mother, who I had almost forgotten about. "Mrs. Steinback, does the ghost have a name?"

She looked startled, like she'd also forgotten she was there, and not just, like, watching TV or something. "Umm…" she began, trying to pull herself back into the room. "Scabbers." Scabbers? That sounded more like an imaginary friend than a ghost… or at least a rat… but I didn't say so of course. Her part done, she went back to watching in hopeful fascination.

Even though I felt stupid saying it, I addressed, uh, her by, uh, his, name. "Scabbers, she won't listen to you anymore. Go ahead, try to make her speak." She put her hand over her mouth, and I could actually see a little vein jutting out of her head, which was weird, obviously; but she didn't say anything. The clock made this little click that meant the end of the hour, so our time was up. "I think we've made progress here today. Alright then." Mrs. Steinback gasped and looked directly behind me. I subtly turned around to see… Jesse.

"I would like to see you again next week, Monica, and Mrs. Steinback, I would be interested in seeing you separately." She looked nonplussed, but nodded. Then they left.

"That was strange." Jesse said. Normally, I'd have said something like 'yeah, thanks, I couldn't tell,' but it just sounded so intelligent coming from his hottie mouth.


	4. The Third Session: Claire

To all my reviewers: I don't know if I still need to say this, but you guys all ROCK! Gets truer and truer every chapter I write! ;-)

Oy! I totally 4got I just nvr posted this chappy! It's been laying on my computer 4 months! Soooo srry! Anyway, I hope this answers some of your responses… anyway, the only reason this wasn't up was that I didn't have the review responses (haha I'm such a ditz) but I gotta be nice 2 the few people who support me:sniff: so now what I added.

Mmk! Now da story!

* * *

Disclaimer: Jesse, Suze, and Paul are all owned by me, Meg Cabot. Ok fine I'm not Meg Cabot, and I don't own them, but if I WERE Meg Cabot, I WOULD own them! I would own them ALL! But point is, I don't. Meg Cabot does. The rest of them, though, I made up. Heh.

* * *

As there had been a cancellation from a boy who was suddenly cured when his parents threatened to bring him to me, (I was still trying to figure out whether that was a horrible insult or a huge compliment) the next day was free for Mrs. Steinback. She seemed confused from the moment she entered the room.

"Uh… should I have brought Monica?" She tried, her eyes searching the room.

"No, this session is for you." She looked up at me, a little scared. I had been thinking of her as "the mom" but she really wasn't much older than me. She couldn't have been older than her early 30s. OK, direct approach. "You see ghosts." I informed her.

"No." She argued eloquently.

"It's OK, Mrs. Stei—I mean… what _is_ your first name, anyway?"

"Claire." She said, still nervous. I couldn't blame her.

"That's a nice name." I knew it sounded stupid, but I was trying to calm her down. It seemed to work. She smiled a little. "Now you can be honest. I know you see ghosts. Not like your daughter. The ghosts you see are real." Her eyes widened.

"I—uh—how—what?" I gave her my best attempt at a comforting look. She resigned. "How did you know?"

"I do too." If her eyes widened any more they would pop out of her head. "There is nothing wrong with you." It was going to be hard to slip this in now… "Alright then." There was no reason for me to say that, but the point was that Jesse appeared. She gave a little involuntary gasp. "Meet my boyfriend." Jesse blushed as if he had blood to rush to his face. I had talked to him about that blushing. He really didn't need to do it anymore. We couldn't make it much more official, if you know what I mean.

"He's cute." She said. I fought the urge to say something like 'really? I didn't know.' I thought I'd be polite.

"Thank you. He is. Now, is it OK… I just have to do one thing… is it alright if he just touches you real quick? You hand, I mean?" She nodded anxiously.

Jesse hadn't gotten to this point yet in a session with an actual mediator. He walked over to her a little uncertainly, said "Hello. I'm Jesse," looked at me, (I nodded approvingly, trying not to laugh) and lifted her hand. I gave them a thumbs up and grinned.

"So by now you've figured out that we are mediators?"

"Is that what we're called?" She seemed immensely more talkative now. Was she…? Could she be…? Were her eyes on Jesse's butt? He seemed to be thinking along the same lines and stepped behind my chair. Claire closed her eyes and blushed furiously. This time I actually laughed out loud.

"When a you see a ghost, the best way to get rid of them is to figure out what's holding them back. You figured that out?"

She nodded… but shook her head. "What about, uh…" she gestured apologetically toward Jesse.

"Jesse?" I supplied.

"Jesse. What about him?"

"He's different. He's too much fun to get rid of." Jesse smiled sheepishly. "But you don't have to worry about finding a good ghost, do you, _Mrs._ Steinback.

"Actually, I'm a widow."

"Oh, I'm sorry." But then I remembered something Monica had said yesterday. "Didn't your daughter say 'Daddy says this lady will help me'?"

Claire blushed some more. "Well he did."

By now I had figured out that her husband was a ghost, but that would mean.. "You told your daughter?"

"Well she was so sad when he died; I had to comfort her somehow!"

I was getting mad now. I closed my eyes. "Years of psychological training have convinced me not to punch you. You realize you are the one who gave her the whole ghost idea?"

She started to cry. "I know! I know! It's all my fault! I didn't know what to do! I'm sorry!"

I was mad, but she was nice, and I wasn't trained to get angry. Had to comfort her. "It's not _all_ your fault. She'd still be hearing Scabby—"

"Scabbers," she corrected.

"Right. She'd still be hearing Scabbers, she just wouldn't be calling him a ghost. Anyway, she's only 8. It's not too late to 'forget' about this ghost thing. Chances are she won't remember it when she's 10."

"Oh, thank you so much! That's wonderful!"

"No problem."

She left. Maybe I was going to need family counseling….


	5. The Fourth Session: Jazz

Note: if you dont find all my ditziness as amusing as i do, scroll down till you hit my pretty little linebreaks. If you don't, DONT BLAME ME FOR YOUR BOREDOM!!!

Hey guys! I'm like soooo sorry! I've just been soooo bizzy! I've been doin my idiot hw and on this awesome site with my neeew boyfriend so ya! I was like "if I get just one review, I'll write the next chappy" but I figure by now its slipped off the list and no1 will even c it until my next upd8…. OMG!! I NVR POSTED MY 4TH CHAPPY!!! Mmk I posted it. That should buy me some time….

Oh my good golly gosh!!! I just reread my other chappies after completely forgetting about them… and I LIKED them!! I actually liked them! Since I was reading them without thinking "I write these and I am a stinkish author" I actually kindof liked them!! I would have myself on my favorite authors list if I weren't me!! (Not that hard, but the people who are on there are there cause I like 'em and recommend them, so u kno… it's pretty cool) don't think I'm egotistical… I didn't like them till I'd practically 4gotten that I'd written them… but seriously!! They were actually OK!! I'm sorry I'm just so excited!! Haha if you think I'm blabbering now, you should c my reviews of anything by… what's the new name? acidic-lover… I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally liked those!! Ditto stuff by SusanB, but in a different way. SusanB's made me fall over laughing, and AcidicLover's made me cry… I'm not ashamed to admit it… they're tear-jerkers and everyone should read them and review them (but review them nicely or I will find where you live and kill you) I love prolonging the wait for the actual story. I think I'll start putting a lil line between here and the story so people who don't find this kind of thing as amusing as I do can just skip to the story… but 1st…

Reviewing thankies!!

OMG!! I am on 4 favorite authors lists and 5 author alerts!!!! Never mind that I have known one of the alerts since I was 2 and I'm still not on her favorite authors list!! (COUGH COUGH) does a happy dance and jumps on bed Oh, and you can thank desipoplover's late reviews for reminding me that I was, in fact, writing a fan fic and I should probably finish my update. I'd like 2 thank my author alerts: znadias, Acidic-Lover, gatorchick007, Pens in potatoes, and AngrySmiles!! Read all their stuffs! And I'd luuurve 2 thank the people who put me on favorite authors: Pens in Potatoes, gatorchick007, Acidic-Lover, P0rn04Pyr0s, and Like You Care (I do!)!!!!

And alllll my reviews! (again, scroll down to skip 'em!)

Pens in Potatoes: grins I'm sooo susceptible to compliments on my work, it's like funny. And yes u must upd8. bc any fan of mine is a… umm.. i… am a fan… of… them. Any reader of mine is a… writer of mine? No… aah well, however u say it, luv ur work!

znadias: thanx dani! And I'm sure ur friend wont kill u because u haven't upd8ed, because that would kindof defeat the purpose, cause then u couldn't upd8. so ull jjust have 2 upd8 w/out being killed. Wontcha?

Spikiewolvie: Thx! Its something iv been working on in my head 4 a while. Father dom has a after the sessions are over. And here's a special tip 4 people who actually read these things: the next session is gonna be my last, probably. Unless someone takes a second session and I decide it's interesting enuff 2 print. Its gonna be my favorite, if it comes out as well as it did in my head. Anyway, I dunno about jack… but paul will. (srry guys!) oh, and OF COURSE I'm gonna make it a jesse/suze!!! Unless something goes radically wrong… I don't really have much control over this story. And thx! Keep up the good reviewing!

Moovalous: nice name. kinda cool and interesting is the worst I've gotten yet, and that's reeeally good!!! I'm glad u liked it! I shall upd8 soon… oh that's right I just did! Yay 4 me!

Luv, Emily

Oink!

Rachel Ylnen: thx!! Yes there's plenty of more! Not even close 2 done. I only really have ideas 4 the next 2 chappies… hope they'll come to me!

desipoplover13: well I think it's understood, but yeah I should've said it… anyway, her sessions w/ mon weren't over. Thx again! And I just did! (upd8) hehe and it was cuz of ur last review! Read the intro bit! It was!

Disclaimio:

I don't own Suze. And I don't own Jesse. My mortal mind could never have simply "invented" something like Jesse. It took a goddess. Her name is MEG CABOT and she rules the world. Well, Emilasia, at least. Any fan of Meg Cabot can join my country. I am princess Emzers McCookie. My friend got exiled for not reading her book or my fic. Its a sacrilege. I'm not speaking to her as yet. But, as usual, I digress.

Aaaanyway, here it is!

My next session was the way I had _expected_ them all to be.

Her name was Jasmine, and she was 16. She had apparently been dragged into my office against her will. She was scowling and her mother was scowling back. I heard her through the door saying "This is sooooooooooooo stupid!!!!" And her mother replying "You need this!! You and those ghosts you're always talking to!!" I thought maybe we should start out with both of them to sort some of this stuff out, then kick the mother out. I let them in.

Jasmine sat in my chair and sulked. I decided not to correct her. The patient's comfort was what was important.

"Now, Jasmine," I began. "Why are you here?"

The scowl got bigger. "It's Jazz. And I'm here because my _mother_ made me come. I don't. See. Ghosts."

"She's lying!" her mother broke in. "She's always talking to invisible people, saying 'Leave me alone! You're dead! I'm not! Let me live my life!' There's something wrong with her!!!"

"I sense some familial discord." I said, trying to keep the old familiar sarcasm out of my voice. "Can I talk to Jazz alone?"

"Please do!" her mother practically shouted. I sensed some familial discord… oh, wait, I said that already… Anyway, the mother left.

"So." I started. "Jazz. You see ghosts."

"I do not!!!!"

"Jazz, this session is entirely confidential. What you tell me, only I know. I keep secrets. And you remind me a lot of me at you're age. You can tell me, Jazz." I had learned that the word people respond to most is their own names.

She sighed, resigned. "Yeah, fine, I do. They're just these idiot dead people who won't leave me alone."

"Can you name some of them?"

"Well there was this one girl who was raped and killed by her boyfriend Carl and insisted on trying to give me the details. I finally had to cover my ears and go 'lalala!!!!' And they're all just about that annoying and what are you so shocked about?"

I realized my jaw had dropped. I _happened_ to know that the girl in question was named Moira, her boyfriend was Carlos, and she had come to me, told me the same story, and asked for the sympathetic ear of an adult instead of the cold inattention of a child.

"What are you so shocked about?? Aren't you supposed to get people like me _all_ the _time_??"

I regained my composure. Even though I pretty much knew for sure she was a real mediator, because of Moira, I went with the usual plan.

"Nothing. I do. So can you see any ghosts now?"

"No." She said coldly.

"Alright then." Jesse appeared between us and to the side a bit so we could all see each other. Well, presumably. "Tell me if you do."

"I do now!"

"OK, what does he—it look like?"

"He's a pirate." Jesse's face soured and I tried to restrain a laugh, but I tried to clear the misconception.

"How can you tell? Does he have an eye patch, or a peg leg, or a hook for a hand, a skull and crossbones, big hat or anything?

She reconsidered. "Well, no, in fact, maybe he's not a pirate after all." His expression cleared. "Actually, he's a cowboy. What the hell is so funny??" I, meanwhile, had almost fallen off my chair laughing. Jesse seemed to think it was funny to see me laughing so hard and was almost laughing himself, but still disgruntled about the pirate and the cowboy.

"Nothing. I'm sorry. I'll tell you later. Now then. What is his name?"

She gave me a sarcastic 'duh' look. "How should I know?? Its not like I'm psychic, or he's standing there going 'I am Bob! I am Bob! Look at me!" Jesse's mouth almost opened, but I shot him a look.

"Well… have you tried… asking him?" I suggested.

"Asking… him?" she repeated, as if this was a new idea to her. "I guess… I could… umm… hey… uh… ghost… Mr. Ghost… What's… your name?"

He gave me a look, which I was careful not to return, and said "Jesse."

She turned to me and repeated it.

"I see. And can you tell me what he is doing, please?"

"Yeah. He's looking at you." Jesse caught himself and turned his gaze. I scrawled on my notepad. "Now he's looking at me." Her voice was starting to sound a bit scared. Jesse tried to ease the tension by smiling, but apparently no ghost had smiled at her before (no big surprise) so this scared her more. I nodded to him, knowing that she thought I was nodding at her, and he started towards her. "N-now he's…. he's walking towards me…….. and now, he's, he's really close… and he's reaching toward me," (I knew Jesse would have to touch her to confirm that she was a mediator) "and he's grabbing my hand…" She screamed.

He shook her hand. "Hello. I'm Jesse. Nice to meet you."

I lost it. I really started laughing then. I just cracked up. And maybe it wasn't _that_ funny, and maybe I really shouldn't have been laughing right then, but the look on her face, and his tone, it was just too much. Now she was glaring at me and Jesse was silently shaking with laughter because I guess I looked pretty hilarious. I'd actually fallen off my chair, and all I could think about was that it wasn't that funny and why was I laughing but then even that was funny and I laughed even harder and I was trying to stop but I couldn't.

After a long 30 seconds of this, I finally calmed myself enough to apologize profusely. And I did. I said "I'm sorry. I really am," one last time and started one of my speeches. "I believe that you see ghosts. I really do, because that one's my boyfriend and don't you dare start blushing again, Jesse." Because he had. AGAIN.

"You're going OUT with one??" she asked, incredulous.

"Yeah… isn't he adorable?" Now he was reeally blushing.

"Sure… he's… umm…… a little too old for me to judge."

"Really? Because I was your age when we started going out, and he was that age still… but never mind that…" She seemed to be confused. "But back on subject…"

"So, you don't think I'm crazy?"

"Definitely not."

"Well how do I convince my parents? And can I get them to stop coming after me?"

"Well, you see, the ghosts aren't 'after' you. They just have a problem that they need you to solve, and they'll never bother you again. Sometimes its easy, sometimes its not, and in Jesse's case, sometimes you don't really try. But as a general rule, don't get together with a dead person if you can avoid it. Sometimes its fate." He blushed again, which I was starting to think was fun to make happen. "But its hard. And as for the parents, just don't let them hear you. Explain to the ghost beforehand that you'll have to ignore them when someone else is in the room, or grab their hand if they seem friendly and lead them somewhere private to talk. Try to figure out what's holding them back, and solve it. I'm always here if you need help."

"What's holding him back?" She gestured toward Jesse.

"Don't know yet." I actually had some vague idea, but I didn't want to get my hopes up or embarrass myself. "And getting Jesse to move on isn't exactly top on my priority list, you know?" My watch vibrated. "Well, time's up. But I'm always around if you need help, here's my cell phone." I handed her a card. "Cell phone number, I mean. Not the actual phone. Well my time is up, but I'll talk to your mother real quick."

I went out into the waiting room, where her mother was engrossed in Britney Spears's latest marriage. "We've made a real breakthrough today. These 'ghosts' she was seeing were just a manifestation of how she feels about something that's going on at home. The exclamations to invisible people were really things she was longing to say to certain people in her life. Here is my office number if she has any more problems." I handed her a more official-looking card than the one I had given Jazz. They were both staring at me, agape for different reasons, with expressions that, if they realized how similar they were, neither would be happy.

They left, and I found Jesse on my psychiatric couch. "I can't help this feeling that I am dead."

I smiled. "How long have you been having these feelings?"

"A couple of hundred years."

I giggled and joined him on the couch. I had the rest of the day free.


	6. The Fifth Session: Fate

Hey again guys! Omg ur reviews rock more than my stories… well, that's not saying much, but by ur reviews, ud think it was! U guys all rock! Which is why I must take time to thank EACH OF MY REVIEWERS INDIVIDUALLY…

But b4 that… IF YOU DON'T WANNA READ THIS 8888, SCROLL TILL U HIT THE FUN LITTLE DIVIDIOS

wait!! this just in!! they took away the asterisks (the shift8s) and the uppy things! (the shift6s!!!) shoot... i use those all the time.... so I'M USING ACTUAL 8S AND 6S!!! MMK???

1st of all, thx a lot, p0rn04pyr0s 4 taking me OFF your alerts list to put me ON ur favorites list!! (I don't react that way to my fans, just 2 her, cuz she's the one I've known since I was TWO!!!) and, just 2 sho u all how nice I am, if u like anime, u will like her fan fics, probably. I don't really know cause I couldn't understand a word of them, but I luuuuvd the disclaimers!! Haha no, seriously.

Acidic-Lover: 8Grins maniacally8 hehhehehe she thinx I write funny things…. 8Grinsgrins8

Like You Care: Hey, all you people who don't review, take a lesson from Like you care!!! I'm so glad you liked it! And I love when people say I rock, cuz then those people rock, and then it's like mutual, and—8shuts up8

soin2jesse: niiice name! and thx, of course! I mean of course thx, not thx and of course it's great I'm not egotistical, I don't think…

moovalous3: 8grinnygringrins8 yay! Evry1 likes that bit! (and by everyone, I mean three people, a significant portion of my reviewing demographic) and yay! I didn't mean 2 sound b4 like it was a bad review, but I g2 admit I like this 1 betta! DDDD

Bluie Twilight Star: Thx! And it was a pleasure! And goodie! That'll be my next fic. It'll be completely different I hope, but still alike enuff 2 be, u kno, good…

Fantasywriter13: OMG! When I read that, for some strange reason, I, like, guffawed. It sounds so much like something I had written, it's actually a little weird… but awesome! Cause, if I were to write that, it'd be a good story, which is cool, cause it's almost like this is a good story, (slaps self for sounding like she's fishing for compliments) but yeah!

AmethystHannah: Oh good! You got that! I was starting 2 think no1 did… I worked… so hard on that… 8sobs8 ok maybe I didn't, but I liked it. So fwar.

Ok! That's all my reviewers! You other dudettes are slacking! Note to all: when I'm done writing this, I'm gonna read all the things that look good from EVERY SINGLE REVIEWER!!!

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Just to say, this was my favorite chappy in my head, so lets c if I can do it justice….

Oh, and I was wrong in my lil hinty thingy in the last chappy, there'll b 1 session after this, and I'll have to add a name 2 my disclaimer (winkwink!!!)

Disclaimerizer: If I were meg cabot, everyone would belong to me. And if I were an oscar meyer weiner, everyone would be in love with me. But I am neither, so s j and p belongeth not 2 moiself. They belongeth to meggin cabot, the supreme one. Newayz…

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I was starting to get the hang of this! It hadn't even been a week, so I hadn't gotten a second session with anyone yet, but I figured those'd have to be easier, right? Well anyway, my next was with a 10 year old girl. There seemed to be more girls than guys in this… Should I look into that? Well… maybe… the girls were more anxious to share their secret with people who might bring them in to see the doc… yeah! I like that. And then it was the mom's job to bring them… the moms…. I'm sorry… it's just that, my biological clock is ticking, and as long as I stay with Jesse, we can't have kids… he's dead, and that's helpful, but… no, I'm sorry. I'm ok. But anyway… where was I? oh, yes. A 10 year old girl. Her name was Fate. She and her mother came in. Unprompted, her mother began to explain.

"Well, you see, she has these imaginary 'ghost' friends, and she pretends like she knows all about them and she gets sad when she says they get freaked out and go away. And she's kind of the same way with people, while we're at it. She knows too much."

Fate was mouthing something. I watched very closely. She couldn't be saying… it really seemed like she was saying what her mother said, but a split-second before… Oh! Of course! This was a rehearsed speech! How adorable! As to what she was saying, imaginary friends were typical of small children. I was surprised I hadn't gotten more yet. But the knowing too much, that was a little weird. I brought her into my office.

I was about to ask her whether there were any ghosts in the room, when she suddenly said "No." She must have been talking to a 'ghost'.

"No, what, Fate?"

"No, there aren't any ghosts in the room."

Oh… I had said that out loud? Heh. Oops. "Oh, thank you."

"But there's about to be one."

"Hmm? Oh… Alright then…"

Jesse appeared between us.

"There." Said Fate.

Maybe she was a mediator after all… but then… how did she know… I was confused. When in doubt, stick to the schedule…

"What does he look like?"

"He's a rancher."

Wow… the first one to get that right… Jesse's eyes were kind of wide, but I guess he thought he looked like a rancher, so he wasn't as surprised as I was.

"I see… and what is his name?"

I waited for her to ask him. She never did. "His name is Hector De Silva."

"Umm… have you… met.. I mean, seen him before?"

"Nah…" She wrinkled her nose. "but he doesn't look like a 'Hector'. He looks more like a 'Jesse'."

I was getting kind of scared now. How did she know all this?? "How do you know all this?"

She looked puzzled. "Well, how do you know anything? You know, the same way I know that you're wearing a white shirt today, or that you'll be wearing a red shirt tomorrow."

"What??" I had already picked out my outfit for tomorrow. It was a sleeveless RED tank and tight black pants. "How do you know that??"

"Well it makes sense, because tomorrow's your day off." She saw the look on my face. "Well, it is Saturday…"

"But how did you know…"

"Man… that's what people always say! I thought you'd be used to this by now… And tell your boyfriend to stop staring at me like that."

"Jesse, stop—wait, what?"

"He's looking at me funny."

"How did you know… he was my boyfriend?"

"Well, he does call you _querida_ all the time, so it makes sense. But then, he called you that before you were going out, too… but he liked you then."

Jesse had goosebumps and I felt faint. How could she know all this??

"Umm…" I stopped, unsure how to continue. Then, I thought, _When in doubt…_ "Umm… Jesse… the usual routine, I guess…"

He walked up to her, tentatively. He seemed a little scared of her, which was the reverse of usual, but she didn't seem dangerous, and he knew I didn't think she was dangerous or I wouldn't have sent him over, so he went up to her, reached slowly for her hand, and… went right through it.

"What??" (me)

"Oh." (Fate) "You want me to touch him." And with that, she lifted his hand. It was obvious that Jesse was uncomfortable, but he struggled to get out of her grip. He couldn't. My super-strong Jesse was stuck in the grip of a 10-year-old. He looked frightened and embarrassed, and when Fate realized this, she apologized profusely, even though her little elementary school mind probably didn't know why he was so ill at ease.

"I don't… really… know how… to…"

"Well I believe it's in this book here." She put a book on my lap. TP Explained. Despite what the title implied, that it was about toilet paper or Indian houses, it was telepathy. And, since she had put the book on my lap without leaving her chair, and the bookshelf was on the other side of the room, I thought I might also need TK Explained, which was about telekinesis. Jesse looked like he wanted to leave, but he didn't want to leave me alone with her, just in case. _Go!!_ I willed. _Go off you stupid timer!! Vibrate!!_ But there was a few minutes left.

She got all huffy. "Well if you want me to leave…"

My phone vibrated. I looked at the clock. There were still a few minutes left. I looked at Fate.

"Are you happy?" She asked.

"Time's not up." I indicated the clock. The second hand started going crazy until the minute hand had moved a few minutes. Fate stood.

"Well. Goodbye then. Oh, and tell Paul I want him to die."

"You do??"

"Never met him, but won't the look on his face be funny when you tell him Fate wants him to die?"

I agreed, but before I could ask her how she knew about Paul, she was gone. Literally. I checked the waiting room and she and her mother had both left. A normal but superstitious person might suspect ghosts, but I've seen ghosts, and this girl was alive. Maybe she wasn't even talking about Paul Slater. No, that didn't make sense. You know what? I bet she saw my appointment book and saw the name "Paul" in it. 'Cause there _was_ a Paul coming. Yeah… that was probably it… right?

END 4 NOW! the other chapperoo is actually done, cuz i had 2 keep w8ing 4 a friend 2 fin. editing this 1. but i'm not posting it till it gets done being edited and i get TEN reviews!! thats TEN, people! (buys self time) so if u r reading and not reviewing and u want the next 1, review! haha i'm not really doing this 2 sho how vastly popular my ficcy is or nething laffs sardonically i'm just buying m'self time and a whole intro on me next chappeh! l8z y'all! luv ya if u r reading this, if u rnt, I HATE YOU!!! haha but u will nvr kno cuz u r not reading this and... oh nevermind.


	7. The Sixth Session: Paul

OK guys, I have _9_ reviews out of the 10 I'd asked 4, but I have 2 go away 4 a while, so I thought I'd better just post this chappy. This'll b the last of her new patients that I know of. Oh, and I'm using underscores instead of asterisks now, cuz the asterisks don't show up. NEXT CHAPPY WONT BE DONE 4 A WHILE, BUT IT WONT B POSTED TILL I GOTS 10 REVYOOS! 4 REAL THIS TIME! laffs

Disclaimiodoodums: the gr8 und 1derful Meg Cabot owns everything worth owning. I own every1 but jesse, suze, and paul. C? evry1 worth owning iz ownd by m.c. wow… my chtspk iz totally indecipherable….

GATORCHICK007: Wow… u use that word a lot… laffs the story's only PG but I'm gonna have 2 r8 higher 4 the review…. Or I could just repost it without the swearing… giggles cuz that'd be weird or u could… but as 2 the actual review!! Hehe I'm glad u like her!! I like her 2. I'm glad people like her! giggles 4 no reason this time

doimoi: Yess!!!!!! That was EXACTLY what I wanted her 2 b! does a happy dance and thx 4 reminding me of that, guys, I'd actually 4gotten 4 the paul chapper that she had 2 say sum'n bout it! I found it amusing as well. She also knows some more stuff that they didn't ask her about there cuz they were pretty freaked.

znadias24: Oh no prob! As long as u r/r eventually, no harm done! Thx! laffs but I don't remember what u r talking about… checks nope, still can't understand a word of it. What was this about an evil laugh? And you can't get ur upd8s… is sooooo confuzld! laffs credited 2 me, something? I like the sound of that, whatever you mean. Ooh goodie! 3 chapperz up in compens8ion sounds good! Oooh yeah she must be psychic 2 of course I 4got 2 mention that, huh? Well she'll probby have a repEt sesh l8a. hehe awesome that u luvd dat, I luv when people luv things. XD P.S. thx!! I just met him!! He speaks Spanish, so natch I can't stop thinking about jesse even MORE! Ne1 sympathize??

dancincheerchik: grins another great chapper… grins more another gr8 revyoo! O I kno it was weird, I kind of got freaked out, but then I was like "wait… I just WROTE this… so then that was stupid. Hhhhahahahahh. Go ME! Go YOU! I update… wait… that's kindof what I'm doing now, huh?

Like You Care: I know that was really freaky. (see above. I dotn wanna say it again cuz u might've read it anyway so then yo'd be all "wuuut?" and I'd be all "oooops" rofl.) oh I'm so glad u said that about jesse, cuz I have this friend who thought the whole thing was really OOC. But then it was just her and no1 else, so I'm thinking not. Anyway, she hasn't even read the boox w/ paul, which might change her opinion neway. Yeah, it didn't come out as well, but I'm so glad u think my other 1 wuz funny! By… far… your… favorite… story… faints comes back to consciousness whoah… what waws that… rereads your review and faints again

moovalous3: aaah I love you!! You and your reviews rock!! Thx thx thx s'more!! grinsgrins I KNOW she is really FREAKY! (see 1st line of res. 2 l.y.c. res. 2 d.c.c.) I can barely understand me when I type. I know. It WOULD be funny. laffs evilly

Rinoa/Masuki/Yuna: I'm glad. Thanks. I am now. laffs

AmethystHannah: Ok!! I know, isn't it? Awesome! Thx!

soin2jesse: I know where I'm going with that… but not 4 a while. Not till after this gets off subject, which I assure u it will.

OK, my next session was with someone named Paul. Great. I guess I should have expected it… Paul's a pretty common name… it happens… still, I was only half surprised when Paul Slater walked into my office. Damn. Paul had been… not quite "stalking" me, but he just "happened" to go to my college and land an apartment in my building, which was pretty obvious, because it was way below his price range. Freaky? Yes. Could I get a restraining order? No. Not that his "attentions" were without their plusses. He insisted that I be invited to all of his high class parties, a "she don't go, I don't go" thing. Don't get me wrong, he was a lot less trouble lately. He had finally gotten surgery to fix his broken-too-many-times nose, which would have horribly disfigured his otherwise socially acceptable face. But he didn't want to need surgery again, so he tried not to tick off Jesse and me _too_ badly. Anyway, back to the present.

"Very funny, Paul. Now if you'll excuse me, I have actual work to do."

"Ah, ah, Suze. You have a guarantee. Solve my problem."

"And what, pray tell, is your _ghost related_ problem?"

"Well you see, there's this girl, and she wont go out with me because she thinks she 'loves' a stinkin' ghost." Only he didn't say stinkin'.

"Alright then."

Jesse appeared. He was frowning. Man, when he frowned, he looked so—off subject. Paul's eyes widened gratifyingly, but he pretended not to care.

"Yeah, that's him now. Treat me like a patient, Suze."

I grimaced, but I had no grounds for turning him away, and money meant more to me, now that I was living alone (well, not alone, but Jesse can't seem to get a job for some reason), than it did to him.

"Fine." I spoke through clenched teeth. "Do you see a ghost now?"

"Yessir."

I smiled falsely. "What does the ghost look like?"

"Fugly." I almost got out of my chair, caught Jesse starting forward, and stopped him. Not wanting set a double standard, I sat back.

"I see. Can you be more descriptive?"

"Yeah. Some idiot Cowboy."

Deep breaths, Suze, deep breaths… it'll look really bad if I hurt a patient. "I see." Jesse pried my fingers off the chair. They had turned white. I hated feeling helpless. I squeezed his hand. "And, what is his name?"

"Hmm… What's your name, ghostlyboy?"

"Wow. Zinger." I didn't say.

"Jesse." Jesse almost snarled.

"His name is Rico Suave."

God, did he ever let _anything_ go?? No matter how stupid?? Oops. Crushing Jesse's hand. "I see." I did my relaxing exercises. Inhale, 2, 3, exhale, 2, 3. Repeat as needed. I forced myself to ask "And what is he doing?"

He was clearly thinking of something witty to say. "He's leaving the two of us alone." Wow. He thought that long and came up with _that_?

"OK. My conclusion is… you don't really see ghosts, clearly, because nothing you said was true. You must be just doing this for attention. Haven't you outgrown puberty yet?" This was kind of fun! "Stop lying to people who know better." He scowled. "Oh, and if you _try_ to make people mad, bad things may happen." I gave Jesse a signal to stop holding his anger and the building started to shake. "Darned top-story office." He ran out of the room. I tried to high-five Jesse, then realized he still didn't know what a high-five was. Didn't feel like explaining it now, though. I half hoped Paul would refuse to pay his bill so I could sue him. I thought of something and walked into the hallway, where he was impatiently waiting for an elevator while looking around nervously in case another tremor started.

"Hey Paul?" He whirled. "Don't even think about bringing your brother in. And tell him I say 'hi.' And ask him about his little girlfriend." Jack Slater was almost out of high school now, but I couldn't help thinking of him as 'little'. A/N: Did I get his age right?? I saw him occasionally when he needed help. He had dropped his boyish looks and started looking more like Paul, but not as much, if that makes sense. Not so much, in other words, that every girl he met fainted, but enough, coupled with his large amounts of money, that he had never had much trouble finding girls. And he wasn't as freakishly charming as his brother, but he had the little plus of not being evil. He had had a crush on me for a while when he was young and between girlfriends, but I'd made it pretty clear that I was unavailable. I still thought of him as a kid, mostly, even though he really wasn't.

Paul scowled, but his expression changed suddenly, he nodded, frantically pushed the elevator button behind his back, not even noticing that it dinged and I knew he was doing it. I turned to go back in and bumped into Jesse, who seemed to have been standing behind me for the sole purpose of intimidating Paul. When I thought I could keep a straight face, (finally, a use for those slooow elevators!) I turned once more to say "Oh, and Paul, Fate wants you dead." He looked at me sarcastically and asked me how I knew. "I know Fate well. Fate knows all." Oops, I was wrong. I couldn't keep a straight face. I ran back into the office. Jesse shot one last glare even though he was almost laughing himself, and followed me in. "Slater ran onto the elevator as soon as it came." He grinned, and I grinned back. The week was finally over.


	8. Doubling

Hey guys! This'll be a loooong chappy! Bout 6 pages! Not sure if there's a point to it… well, actually, I kindof think there is tho. Hey, wut do y'all think of my new name?

Arg!! Not quite 10 reviews!! ::giggles:: but I'll 4giv u all… this time. Hope u guyses like this'n! Thanx especially 2:

Like You Care

P0rn04Pyr0s

Acidic-Lover

gatorchick007

Pens in potatoes

soin2jesse

phishphood

thanx also 2

Calendar

Fantasy writer13

SpicyGurl

Like You Care (again!)

desipoplover13

znadias24

Acidic-Lover (again!)

gatorchick007 (again!)

Pens in potatoes (again!)

AngrySmiles

soin2jesse (again!)

AND ALL MY REVIEWERS!!!

jess: ::grins:: well 1 point I plan 2 make it a poll on who should have the next sesh. If I get back 2 having seshes, which I plan 2 do. Eventually. But I kindof have a plan 4 a little bit, which surprised me. Keep lyaoing, its amusing.

moovalous3: ok, all u people who ARENT REVIEWING, read catie's reviews and just imit8 them.ok? do that. NOW!!! ::giggles::

Like You Care: I already kindof like paul. I didn't really when I wrote that, 2 b honest, but I do now. ::giggles:: which is y this is eventually going where its going. I'm fighting the urge 2 have sum1 named Emily come in and take away 1 of the guys. Think I should? ::giggles:: I keep giggling… I'm glad u liked that bit, and I luuurve making people laff outloud.

soin2jesse: short and sweet.. nice review… I liked it cant wait 4 more. ::giggles::

AmethystHannah: ::GRINS::

znadias24: ::GRINS MORE:: by far the most hilarious chapter ever, eh? I'll have 2 check what I did in that chappy that evry1 liked… hehe it makes more sense than most things I say…

Pens in potatoes: I think about it… but not in this chappy neway I not very good at it, tho. O and thx 4 the complymenz.

desipoplover13: thx I liked that line. OMG I LUV THAT SONG!!!! THAT'S AN AWESOME SONG!!! I'da thought u got it off a site but it has all my OCs in it. Yay! Thx! I liked that chappy. I also like this'n, but that's just me.

u all rock!!!! w00t!!

* * *

Finally, my day off. Tonight was Halloween, and they were showing old horror movies at one of the theaters. One of them was The Sixth Sense, which I _had_ to see with Jesse (read, drag Jesse to see). But I didn't want to look like I was at a movie alone. I wished I had a mediator friend… Hey, why not? I called Claire. "Hello?" came a voice that wasn't quite as… timid as the one she had used in my office. 

"Hi, Claire. It's Suze." Silence. "Dr. Simon?"

Comprehension. "Oh… Is there a problem?"

"Nope. No problem. Just wanted to know if you wanted to double?"

"Double… date?"

"Yups."

She launched into a prepared speech. "Well, you see, I'm a widow, and I'm really not interested in dating again—"

"Save it, Claire. I'm the mediator one, remember? Bring your husband. I'm bringing Jesse."

"Oh… Right… Well… I mean… I'll have to check…"

"OK. Check now, then."

"Oh… OK… One moment please." A soft thud as she put the phone down and some voices I could barely hear. "He says he thinks it might be fun… So… I guess…"

"It will be. Meet me at my place? Movie starts at 9, so be here around 8:30?"

"Sure…" I gave her the address and room number.

"She agreed!" I shouted to Jesse. He was in the kitchen making soup. Kind of funny to watch, really. Every time he cooked I pictured someone coming in and seeing a bunch of things floating. It had taken him a while to master the stove and for the most part he refused to use the microwave. I always protested when he wanted to cook, because he, of course, couldn't have any, but he didn't like the idea of eating the slop I usually cooked up. My cooking was, of course, a far cry from my stepfather's… Actually, it wasn't even near the food at my college. It generally wasn't the right color, and that was when it was canned. Jesse's was much better, and he basically insisted on cooking except when I sprung to eat out. I always felt bad eating in front of him, but we talked or he pulled out a book. He got a LOT of books read. No surprise. He read not only sometimes while I ate, but most of the time while I slept. The rest of the time he just laid there next to me. A/N: Watch me try desperately to keep the rating… He finished with the soup and sat by me. He was reading my old English Lit textbook from college. I'm serious. Just reading it for fun. I'll never understand him… He laughed at something in the book. "Wutcha readin'?" I asked him between blowing on my soup. Man, it smelled good!

"A Midsummer Night's Dream."

I had read that one. Hadn't understood a line of it, but the professor seemed to think it was hilarious. "That from your time?" I asked conversationally.

He looked at me amusedly. "It's from the late 1500's."

"Oh… sorry… never paid attention in English…" He laughed.

I finished my soup a minute after he finished his story. It had ended in a huge bout of comedy, apparently. It was only 8 o'clock, so I filled him in on the basic plot of the movie. "Kid sees dead people. Guy tries to help him. Big shocker at end. Not terribly realistic, but how would _they_ know?"

"Sounds… interesting," he lied obviously.

"It is. Huge blockbuster. Everyone's heard of it. We'd have to get there early, but we're sitting in the back, so it's OK."

"Are we?"

"No, we're going to sit in the front row and whisper to invisible people. I'm going to explain random things that don't need explaining very loudly so everyone can hear me."

He looked vaguely confused until a bit through the sentence, where he started looking at me sheepishly. I grinned to show I was still in a good mood. I thought about how he wasn't used to being spoken to except by the random mediator. And Paul. But the random mediators were my patients, and Paul was a psychopath, so none of them counted. Claire and her husband were his chance to meet some people in a social setting, rather than a ghost who just wanted to talk to the mediator. There hadn't been very many interesting ghosts lately, anyway, just the general "give the necklace under the stairs to my granddaughter" types. We talked for a while on Shakespeare. I know. Really. I think he just wanted a laugh, frankly. Or to educate me or something. I'm not stupid though. I just get that way around Jesse sometimes. Anyway, finally, the buzzer buzzed.

"Who's there?" I asked politely. Well, not really.

"Claire," she said out loud, then whispered, "and Tim."

"'Kay." I let them in. The dog went nuts. If you must know why I didn't mention her, it's because she'd been asleep. The whole time. _My_ getting there wasn't important enough to wake her up, but anyone else's was. I addressed the little brown thing trying to jump high enough to lick their faces (both of their faces, she didn't mind that one was a ghost, having been raised around Jesse). "This is Maxine." She was named after my (step)family's old dog, who had lived well into his teens. The cat came in from the kitchen. "And this is Spike." The same Spike. We didn't know how old he was, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he was as old as Jesse. Cat's are freaky that way. Of course, he could possibly have been, like, 12…

"Your apartment is great!" said the man I assumed was Tim. He wasn't as hot as Jesse, of course, but then, who was? He was pretty average looking, but I might have thought he was kind of cute. You know, if I had never met Jesse. "And the people are so friendly!"

This was contrary to my experience, and I said so.

"Well to Claire they were! Like there was a man on the elevator, and he asked Claire whether she lived in the building, and who she was meeting, and where she was going, he was very polite!"

I chilled. Here in New York, that wasn't friendly, that was suspicious. "What did he look like?"

Claire responded with a graphic description. Paul. Couldn't be anyone else. He had seen a ghost on an elevator. Now he knew she was coming to see me and what movie we were going to see. I swore. "What's wrong??" Claire asked, worried. Jesse knew, though, but all it took was one shake of the apartment and a whimper from Maxine before he realized what he was doing. I explained just a bit about Paul, then realized I hadn't made formal introductions. "Oh, right, excuse me. Tim, I assume?" He nodded. "I'm Suze, and this is my boyfriend Jesse." Introducing him as my boyfriend just never got old.

"Oh, Jesse, I didn't see you there!" Tim finally noticed Jesse sitting on my window seat. Just seeing if you were paying attention. I didn't have a window seat. Honestly, people. He was sitting on the sofa. Anyway… "I'm Tim, Claire's husband." He and Jesse shook hands. "Well we got here late so we should leave. I've seen the movie before but Claire hasn't."

We got onto the subway. If they'd wanted, the men could have just materialized at the theater, but that's a pretty stupid date. Plus Jesse didn't like the thought of women on the train alone. I mentioned the back row thing, but Tim protested. Something about full viewing experience for Jesse and Claire. I gave in because he seemed really adamant about it. He was kind of weird, but OK… long story short (too late!) we sat in the front row. I was next to Claire and we were both next to our dates. We were pretending to talk only to each other. We couldn't exactly PDA or anything, but we could talk. There were some annoying preteens in the row behind us kicking Jesse's seat, but what could we say? Oh, I thought of something. "Excuse me, but that noise is annoying. Can you stop kicking the chair?" They giggled like mad. Preteens are little freaks, really. I can't believe I ever was one. I bet Jesse was a sweet little kid. And smart, of course. And really helpful. I wished I'd known someone like him when I was young… well, when I was 12, Jesse'd have been… oh yeah, 21. And when Jesse was 13, I'd have been… 6. Minus about 150. Anyway, so the screen was still blank and it was pretty quiet when who should walk in but… well, three guesses who it was. If you said "Leon", you're really weird. It was Paul, of course.

He acted all surprised to see me. "Suuze!! Fancy meeting you here! Lets watch the movie together!" He moved to sit down next to me, where Jesse already happened to be. I tried to think fast, because the little freaks behind us were watching raptly…

"No, sit next to me!" shouted Claire. I was kind of shocked, she hadn't spoken much all night. She moved over one seat, into Tim's lap. I was stunned now. She had just stopped a huge scene. Paul, of course, sat next to her. What else could he do? He yawned and brought his arm on my shoulder. Beyond lame. The preteens behind me went "oOoh!" really loud. I imagined grabbing the hand and flipping it, and the body attached, over my head. That'd be fun. While I was wrapped up in my fantasies, Jesse reached picked up his hand and threw it. This confused the preteen freaks behind us. Good. I wanted to put my head on Jesse's shoulder or something, but I couldn't because he wasn't there. To anyone else, I mean. So I put his hand on the armrest and held it. Hopefully it was dark enough that no one would notice Claire sitting a few inches above the seat. Tim had his arms around her. Aaww! I looked meaningfully at Jesse, but he doesn't like PDA much in general, so he shook his head. Paul winked at me. Wonder of wonders, Jesse suddenly got all possessive and put his arm around me after all. Hey, thanks Paul!

"Hey, do those two have a history or something?" asked Tim to Jesse, possibly forgetting that _all_ of us could hear him.

"No," denied Jesse, maybe a bit _too_ quickly. Tim raised an eyebrow.

"Bit of one, yeah," Paul responded to no one visible. He then changed his mind. "Quite an extensive one, actually." I heard some confused preteen noises. They were starting to bug me, actually. I don't know why I say "starting"…

"So, Paul, I didn't even know you'd gotten out of jail already! How long do they give for a thing like murdering little giggly preteens?" The little freaks behind us apparently either had no idea I knew they were listening, or knew the jig was up.

"Umm… I think we can see better… from the back!" announced one of them. The rest heartily agreed, and they were finally gone. I grinned to myself. Jesse was looking at me with amused disbelief, which I relished. Claire was covering her mouth and rocking with laughter, while Tim permitted himself a loud laugh. Paul smiled wryly.

"10 years, but less with parole and good behavior." It took me a second to remember what he was talking about. "So, what's been up with you lately, hot stuff?"

"Not much. And yourself?" responded Tim. Hah! I laughed out loud. Even Jesse cracked a smile, despite his evident bad mood. "Shh, the movie's starting!" We were all silent for about 2 minutes, when we realized the movie still hadn't shown signs of starting and we realized Tim was shaking with laughter. Claire smacked him playfully. Wow. She really had a personality… weird.

The movie finally started, with some slight ripples on the movie screen when Paul leaned over to hit on me and Jesse got mad. Paul seemed to find this amusing, but I told Jesse not to rise to the bait. I allowed myself to subtly rest my head on his shoulder, and he was OK after that. Especially after I slapped Paul while coughing loudly to drown out the sound. Funness. I avoided his nose for two reasons. The better one was that as long as I left it intact, I had something to hold over his head. The one I didn't really want to admit was that he had… well… a perfect face otherwise. You know, he wasn't Jesse or anything, but… well… he was Paul. Sometimes I wasn't even sure which was better… Jesse! What was I thinking? Jesse! Jesse was better hands down! Whew. Movie finally started. Soon into the movie, Claire suddenly went "Hey, I have to go freshen up, join me, Suze?" That was a bit odd, but I agreed. When Claire grabbed her husband and dragged him along, I realized what she was doing and grabbed Jesse. We all walked out the left door of the theater. When Claire started for the right door, Tim made us run all the way there to not miss the movie. Paul was staring intently at the left door. We tiptoed about 5 rows back. Actually, Tim and I dragged our respective dates five rows back while they stared at the movie (at Tim's insistence, of course). Long story short, Paul walked out, we moved back up to the front, and enjoyed the movie. Well, Tim thought it was the best thing any of us could ever have seen (Claire explained confidentially that he had always been something of a movie buff. I was shocked. Oh, wait, no I wasn't). I thought it was stupid, just like I always had, though I may have been a bit biased against it. Claire thought it was scary. Seriously. She seemed to think that the idea of seeing, omigosh, _dead_ people was terrifying. When I reminded her that she did, in fact, see dead people, she responded as though this were obvious "Yes, but they don't look like that!" Jesse, with respect to Tim, acted like it hadn't been the worst thing he'd ever seen, but really probably saw it as all the more reason to avoid television. Everyone had quite a bit of fun, though, even after Paul's appearance. The other couple were way more lovey-dovey than us. I'd have been sick if I weren't to busy trying to get Jesse to act the same way. He didn't.

Back at the apartment after the movie, they were making out in the kitchen. Jesse was modestly directing his eyes at Spike. And Maxine, who always got jealous when someone paid attention to the cat. I finally got tired of this after a good… 2 seconds and sprayed cold water at them from the sink. That was pretty funny. They had to leave soon though. "Did you have fun, Jesse?"

He smiled and said "Yups" in a pretty good imitation of my voice on the phone. Then it rang. The phone, I mean.

"Hello?"

"Help, please." Said a familiar voice…

* * *

OMG CLIFFY!!! I'm sorry, guys, I had no idea it wuz gonna b a cliffi… it just came out that way. Ne1 wanna hazard a guess as 2 who it iz? Comeon, guys, guess! ::grins:: in my opinion, it answers a question about sum1. I don't kno how this is gonna get where I'm planning it 2 get, tho… wow, em, cryptic much? Hehehe when I say "it'll answer a question" I mean 1 in my story, not in da book, just sos ya don't get ur hopes up. )( I'm REALLY not posting this'n till I get 10 reviews, tho. I'm really not. This time I mean it. I'm not even getting it proofread by people who DIDN'T REVIEW!!!! I already have 1 review from Katie that's not shown here cuz it wuz by e-mail, so that brings the count to… 1!!!! Come on tho, guess who it iz! Here's a hint: it's not suze, and it's NOT jesse!!! Oooh!! Big hint!!! Bet u couldn't tell just from the fact that they're both in the room already!!! W0000t!!! ::sighs::... after i reread darkest hour, i sent my bf jesse 2 c suze, cuz they're cute 2gether... that wuz a couple days ago, and he's not back yet... i think she's holding him captive or something. ( i kno! i'll call paul!!! ::giggle giggle:: 


	9. Help! Please!

Hi again! Poll: Did you read the ENTIRE intro, or scroll down 2 c who it wuz 1st?? Right now, I've got 2 votes 4 f8, 2 4 paul, and 1 4 "1 of the random people she talks to. ::gestures toward screen::". I wouldn't tell NE1 who it wuz, tho. Well, I started e-mailing people 4 reviews, then I 4ced shelly 2 review, and b4 I knew it, I had _more_ than the 10 reviews! So apologies, all! Here I go…

Katie: Thx! (she didn't post a review, she e-mailed it) thx, thx, thnkies! Much luv!

Jess: nvr got ur review, but u said ud sent'n, so I counted it. Thx 4 reviewing!

timydamonkey: I glad u like it. U rnt alone in not knowing who it wuz. ::grins:: srry bout the cliffies, as there r MORE in the future! They weren't supposed 2 b, but they ended up that way.

moovalous3:ROCKIN' REVIEW!! I kno, that elev8or thing wuz just… ya kno… feh. And, speaking as a former madly giggling preteen and a current madly giggling teen, it's just a good mood. Or, in my case, reading a medi8or book.

nikki: OOH ITS IN CAPS! THAT MUST MEAN U LIKE IT! ::GRINS::

ATiKTImporta: I shall, I shall!

Pens in Potatoes: I liked it 2! But my favy so far's chappy 14. I just like it. ::giggles:: keep reviewing, guys, and ull get 2 read it eventually!!

desipoplover13: Yeah, it did, np! I'm grinning. No, I've been seriously slacking in my reviews, I got into this writing mode and then started laughing, crying, awwing, hypervental8ing, and "you idiot!!"ing my way thru twilite. I'm on page 106.

AmethystHannah: I do! Thx 2 u! Np, np! Wut do u kno, there r sum people who like Claire! D

phishphood: No visible scars, just little bruises. ::sends u chappy::

Thx as usual 2 evry1 who put me on their faviesalerts, I lurve u all, and I hope EVERY1 REVEIWS SO I CAN GET THE NEXT'NS UP ALREADY!!! I'M WRITING CHAPPY 15!!!

Now, WHO WAS ON THE PHONE???

* * *

"Help. Please."

"Tim?? What's wrong??"

"It's Claire. There was an accident on the way home. Please hurry." He told me where it was.

I assured him I'd help and called 911 as a witness to the crash. Then I rode over. I told Jesse to go ahead of me, but now he was afraid I'd get into an accident too and there'd be no one there, etc, so he rode the subway with me. The sirens were driving away already. I followed the ambulance. In the waiting room, I went up to the nurse. "I'm a friend of the victim. Claire Steinback. Is she alright?"

The nurse looked up pityingly. "We don't know yet." She made me sign in.

I went to a far, empty corner of the room with the two dead men. "What happened??"

"It's all my fault." Tim said this a few times before I finally hit him. Hey, he was hysterical! He explained. "I distracted her and she didn't see the stoplight and it was a red light and she kept going and there was a bus…" he trailed off. "It would have killed me if I'd been alive. That crash would have killed me for sure." As it was, now that he mentioned it, he was looking quite a bit the worse for wear. Bruised all over, etc. "I didn't know what to do. I couldn't call 911 because they couldn't hear me, so I called you. Your number was in her cell phone. Thank you so much." He dissolved I into tears. I tried to comfort him, but I wasn't very adept in that area. At all. Finally, a doctor came in looking grave. The three of us stood up. She addressed only the one of me, as she couldn't see the others.

"Susannah Simon?" I nodded. "Mrs. Steinback is in a bad condition. The airbag absorbed most of the impact, but it gave her a few broken ribs. She hit her head on the dashboard and is concussed multiple times."

"Is she OK?" The doctor looked at me like I was nuts. "I mean, is she… alive?"

"Yes, amazingly she suffered no more wounds and none proved life-threatening." Of course! Claire was a mediator after all! Tough stuff. I was oddly proud. I was probably smiling or something, because 3 people were giving me odd looks, and I clarified that I was just glad she was alive. "She hasn't woken up." I acted even more worried than I was. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Quite a nice T-shirt, actually… oops, mental blabbering. Maybe I was a bit more worried than I'd thought. I paced a bit to let the men talk. They seemed to have become fast friends, despite the fact that they had nothing in common but gender, lack of pulse, and, I liked to think, everlasting love for their respective women. After a while, a fat, curly-haired woman came in and sat on Jesse. Or, really, _in_ Jesse. I don't know whether I laughed out of nervousness for Claire, relief that she was alive, or just because it was really funny, but once I started, I couldn't stop. Jesse asked me if I was alright. I couldn't think of a reply. So I shook my head. Jesse told Tim he thought he ought to get me home, and though I tried to argue, Tim sided with Jesse. Jesse assured Tim that he'd be back once he was sure I was safe. Tim agreed that this was necessary, even though _I_ didn't. So Jesse brought me home. Or, really, stood by me on the subway while it brought me home. I got inside and Jesse left.

I got into my pajamas. I had started wearing cute pajamas once Jesse and I were officially together. I sat on the bed. I thought of reading a little, but the only book I could find was "A History of Time" and I didn't really feel like reading that. So I brought out my little doodle book. It consisted of my idle doodles. I found a page relatively free of "Jesse"s in hearts and "Susannah de Silva"s (A/N: Probably not as many "Jesse"s in hearts as I have in my textbooks! And I bet I have more "Emily de Silva"s. And I bet _suze_ doesn't have any "jessemoo"s… oh, right, back to this thing) I doodled something about Claire and Tim, I don't really remember what. It was my new special worried lettering. It had serifs and stuff. Suddenly there was a knock at my door.

"Suze?" Oh… Oh my god… What was Paul doing at my door?

* * *

FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET IT WHERE I WANT IT. This is how. In all fairness, among all the EMJDSs in my geometry book, there's also an EMPS, an EMRW, and a whole bunch of other stuff, including an EMFL. Any idea who FL is? I can't figure it out. I remember writing it, but I don't remember who it is. And there's an EMDA, but I cant figure out who that is either. But mostly it's a bunch of Mrs. Emily de Silvas. Tune in next time to find out…

Will Claire live? ::soap opera music::

Is Suze OK? She is acting pretty weird. ::more soap opera music::

How's Tim doing? ::same soap opera music::

And… what the hell is Paul doing at Suze's apartment??? ::soap opera climax, and then elevator music::

Alright, who put on the elevator music?? This is dramatic, you fools!!

Seriously tho, I was NOT planning 4 that 2 happen. I'm sorry, Claire luvers. Hehe prolly no1 unless Tim is reading this. If he is, HI TIM!! WUZAAAAP??


	10. At the door

OK… I might have to change the rating, depending on where this goes… but for everyone out there with a brain, I'M SO SORRY! It's suze's fault! I'm mad at her cuz she's trying 2 steal my jessemoo:sobs: I miss him… so I'm getting back at him in my fan fic. Sorry, jesse. :giggles: I thought about being cruel and making this a cliffie, but I decided against it. (l8er) yesh, I did have 2 chng m'r8ing. Oh, and I figured out who DA and FL r! yay! David ackerman and froggy leseur. Interesting choices, I kno, but I wuz trying 2 fill a page. I dunno y.

Ok, I got either somewhere between at least 10 reviews. Not all of them were on the site. I wuz gonna put it up 1ce I had 8 on the site and a possible 2 off the site, but while I was bizzy, I just got another 2. so now im just gonna finish the review responses, aready!

Kaitie+Jess: I'm srry, again, even tho I still dunno 4 wut… well I didn't wanna e-mail u cuz I thought that'd make u madder, so ima w8 till u read this and really hope u talk 2 me again… eventually…

soin2jesse: hehe probby just wut u think. Question is whether he gets it. :does a dance: wow I love this rite more… yay!

desipoplover13: I kno, the shortness, but after this they get relaly long. I figured out the FL AND the DA, and I'm very shocked about the answers. R u ready? Ok: david ackerman and froggy leseur. Am I weird or wut? Hehe hope u rnt nuts nemroe… hey, ur right! It does go both ways! Omg u mustmustmust read the 1800 boox! M'friend shelly likes 'em proportionally 2 how I luv the medi8ors! But 1st, u mustmustMUST read twilite! Hehe that does sound wrong, but in a funny way. And watch how u spell "come". Just a lil tip there. And don't put it that way on google, or I bet ull regret it. HAH. And I sympathize about the logging in thing.

moovalous3: I have a friend who wants 2 kill u b/c of ur name. he thinx moo is his word, I think its mine, and m'friend shelly thinx its hers. But its really mine. Don't let the name fool u. IM SO GLAD I SURPRISED U THAT ROX! Hehe im glad 2 b the 1st. 2 paraphrase an artist on elfwood; the only pig that flies is a dead flying angel one w/ wings. That, once again, was a ROCKIN' REVIEW! Yeah, many ouchies 4 claire. Ouchies 4 almost evry1 in this story evench. Yes, I not only write jesse, I write jessejessejesse JESSE! I (heart) jessemoo, Emily de silva… but now I'm trying 2 get over jesse, so I've started writing jesse (plus) suze 4ever but I gotta put a frowny face w/ its tongue out. And I put Susannah de silva, but tehn I also put I h8 suze and suze free zone and suze sux, but then my hand takes over and puts "Jesse's face" and then I hit my hand 4 being mean 2 me. It just wants 2 torment me, really. Haha that's a gr8'n bout sacraments. Ud b surprised how strange things r when u DON'T tell 'em he's from a book. I have the BEST convos. Bout 2 find out wut paul's doing there. And I didn't turn on the elev8r music, sum idiot did. Possibly my hand. That thing has it out 4 me, I telling u.

nikki:grinsgrins:

phishphood: I wont bother responding 2 u here, since uv already read the chappy and wont b reading this now. I bribe shelly w/ chappies of m'story.

Pens in potatoes: haha ur name is the 1st that doesn't come out on spell checky. :grinsgrins: there's some "fluff" but I'm not good it, so I just.. yeah.

timydamonkey: thxy thx! Ya, tim's sad. No bus driver, she has her own car. Didn't I make that clear? Aah well, at least I have this 2 clarify. D yeah, suze gets very un4tun8 in these b/c I wuz mad her 4 stealing jesse. He was away the time, so I just start making bad things happen 2 her its sooo funny. 2 me. Oh, srry… u missed paul cuz he wuz on the floor after I'd shot him a second b4. soooo close! Thk u, I just did.

AmethystHannah: Yups. Just mean on Claire. But not nearly as mean as I am 2… o… EVRY1 ELSE! BWAHAHAHAHHA!

GroovyBananas: Tim says hi weird computer person. Omg I do that xclam8ion mark thing allll the time! And then I start asking qs and ending them with !s neway. Like, "r u there! Hello! R u gonna answer!" hehehe u r kool. I have met so many kindred spirits on this site. :grins: yesyes, very kool. Oh, the views of sum1 crazy r even MORE valid! I AM HAPPY:REJOICES for ur lip balm: but its not as good as my cherry chapstick! Oops, i just mixed m'self up w/ suze. And then I got so mad when jesse did it…

SnurfyJoanne: OK! I'm glad u like this story! Yay! I upd8ed cuz of ur review. That makes 10 reviews al2getha!

I would like to say that this was the first time I had been alone with Paul for quite a long time. It wasn't. I'd been seeing him. I was trying not to, I really was, but then he'd just show up randomly and… well, it doesn't count. He forced me into it. I love Jesse, Jesse, Jesse… Jessaul… I mean Jesse! Oh Lord Sebastian Bartholomew… I held him off icily, because I hate him, and I fear him. I didn't let him know the second bit, though.

"Hey Suze, you know I have a PhD too." I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah, I have a Pretty huge D—"

"Shut up. What are you doing here? I'm getting Jesse. He's right there, in the other room."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you are sitting there humming and you aren't by yourself, huh?"

"No. Jesse's reading. I'm just humming," I lied. "Wait… how the hell did you know I was humming?"

He just grinned. "I saw you come in here with Jesse, and I heard through the grapevine about your cute little friend Claire. I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can… do?"

"Yes… there is… something…" I said suggestively. He grinned expectantly. "You can leave." I pushed him out the door, slammed it, and locked it. (A/N: I don't like Suze, but I'm not making her evil. No, I do like her. She's just competition. She's really cool though, and I'm being a little unfair…) I sat on the floor and leaned against the door.

"Suze, Suze, Suze. You know perfectly well that a locked door never keeps me out."

"Try explaining a broken door to Jesse, and you'll have to explain a broken nose to all your little partying friends."

"But Jesse doesn't have any friends to explain his broken nose to."

My fingers curled themselves into a fist. "Go. Away. Now!"

"You don't really want me to, do you Suze?"

"Let me think about that—yes. Yes I do. Go away."

"Why won't you look at me, then? Afraid you'll be overcome by lust?" Actually, yes, that was exactly what I was afraid of. But I wasn't about to admit it.

"In your dreams, Paul."

"And yours, Suze. Open the door and we can make them come true." I caught myself reaching for the door. I was NOT just reaching for the door! "Reaching for the door?" he asked, with that annoying habit of seeming to read my mind. "Open it. You know you want to."

"I want nothing of the sort."

"You're the one who'll be explaining the door to Jesse if I have to break it down. Remember last time?" I did. I slumped. Last time, he had broken down the door, and then kissed me. And it went on just a bit too long for me to tell Jesse about it. Then I had to make up some story about a ghost, and then he'd been worried for me, and I'd felt guilty beyond belief. "Do you want me to break it down again, Suze?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"You feel lucky?"

"You're here… so no, no I don't."

I could hear him grinning through the wall. "Let me in, then, Suze."

What could I do? I let him in. He closed the door, locked it, and, getting straight to the point, kissed me. It sent old familiar shivers down my spine. I tried to fight him off, I really did. I don't know how he got my mouth open, or my tongue in his mouth, and I have absolutely no IDEA how it ended up with _me_ pinning _him_ on the sofa. All I know is that this was where we were when I heard "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

I turned around, my heart racing even faster than it had been racing a second ago, and saw… Tim. "Tim? What are you doing here?"

"Making out with Paul. Oh, wait, that's YOU!"

"Oh my god, Tim, I'm sorry, I can explain!" He stared at me. "OK, no I can't, but please, _please_ don't tell Jesse! Please, Tim!"

"That won't be necessary. We came in here together to tell you that Claire woke up. He left immediately." Oh my god. Oh. My. God.

"No, it's not what it looks like!" His jaw dropped.

"Not what it looks like? You mean it's not true that my wife is in the hospital with your boyfriend and you're over here MAKING OUT WITH PAUL?"

"OK. Maybe it is what it looks like. There was an explanation a second ago, but now there's not. I gotta go see Jesse… I gotta… I gotta see Jesse, please, where's Jesse?"

"Presumably back at the hospital, with Claire, who was just in a near fatal car accident," his voice was rising, "with broken bones and concussions, with Jesse, who cares enough to be there!"

"You two made me leave!"

"So you could sleep! You were stressed! Not so you could come back here and—and—and do—THIS!"

I couldn't think of anything to say. There was nothing to say. "I'm glad Claire's awake." Tim turned red and dematerialized. Paul had a slightly shocked look on his face, but when I turned toward him, he started laughing! He was actually laughing! That… that… I screamed. I hauled off and slugged him. Screw him and his nose. I wasn't sure if I'd hurt him, and I didn't stick around to find out.

I ran out the door. Oh goddamnit, I'd left my wallet inside. I wasn't going back in there. I walked. Just a reasonably attractive woman, alone at night, unarmed, my pepper spray still at home, wearing… Oh. My. God. I was still in my pajamas. I was insane. I was absolutely insane. But due to my constant good luck, I got all the way there rather quickly without being tired or cold or getting attacked or at all spoken to. Hah. Haha. Hahahahahahahaha. Yeah. Right. I don't know how many people I hit on the way there. I didn't even really look at them. They just got too close. I was a woman on a mission. I was wearing sandals, and I was glad that at least I had thought to slip them on. It was freezing, though, being Halloween… actually, by now it was November 1st, and I was getting some odd looks, being in my pink fuzzy pajamas. Maybe they thought I was coming home from a costume party? Oh damn… Well, a very long story in a slightly shorter time, I walked the 5 miles to the hospital. The fact that it wasn't even farther was probably the one stroke of luck I'd had all night.

I knew I was getting close when I saw a fire hydrant 20 feet from where it was supposed to be. Water was flying everywhere, and there sat Jesse with look on his face that could only be described as "sour". Rocks were flying. I knew it was Jesse doing it because the rocks weren't hitting anyone… That was my Jesse… though whether he'd be "my" Jesse for very long, I wasn't at all sure. I walked up to Jesse, who was glaring at me, looking more sad and hurt than I'd ever seen him, but also about as angry, opened my mouth, and promptly face-planted into the cement. Of all times… I guess that's what happens when you go through a night of extreme stress, walk 5 miles, also under extreme stress, and don't drink anything. Did I mention I was wearing pink fuzzy pajamas? _Thin_ pink fuzzy pajamas?

"_Nombre de Dios_, Susannah, what have you done to yourself?" All I had done to him, and he was thinking of me. And now I was crying. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, I would wake up soon. But judging from the way my head hurt where it had hit the ground, I was wide awake. After all this, the last thing I wanted to do was to cry. I had to stop crying. It wasn't supposed to happen! (A/N: Aaw poor Suze! I actually really feel bad for her now… maybe I'll relent… maybe)

"I'm… so… sorry!" I was sniffling and shivering like mad, and my nose seemed to be running… oh, wait, that was blood. How could Jesse _not_ want me back? "There's no excuse! You deserve… so much better than me!" People would be staring, of course, but they'd been driven away by the rocks. "I just wish… I wish it had never happened… I wish I had never…" I trailed of, not wanting to say it out loud. What the hell had I done? Why the hell had I done it? He pulled out his MDS hanky. I cried even harder. He mopped up my tears, then my blood, and pulled me up.

"What are you wearing, and how did you get here?"

"Exactly what I was wearing when I ran out of the apartment, and I walked."

"You walked? In that?" He gestured toward my ensemble.

"I forgot my wallet. And I didn't want to go… in there."

He looked pained. He probably wanted really badly to dump me, but he was too nice. But all he said was "Why?"

"Because _he_ was still in there, and—"

"No, I mean, why did you…?" He trailed off.

I shook my head. "There is no good reason. I have no idea why. Probably because the author of this fic doesn't like me for stealing you."

"You mean Emily? Yes… she does that. I should probably dump you and get back to her now. Later, what's-your-name." Oh… sorry… that last part didn't actually happen… let's go back a bit, shall we?

I shook my head. "There is no good reason. I have no idea why. I'm just an idiotic ass."

Now he shook his head. "Don't say that. Everyone makes mistakes."

I sighed. "You don't."

"I have made mistakes."

"Name one."

"Maria," he responded simply.

I was pretty touched… he avoided talking about his life at all times, usually. But here he was, voluntarily bringing it up just to make me feel better. "Things were different then, Jesse." I said, with the closest thing to a laugh I had had since the phone rang. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I always would and if he left me I would die. But he deserved better than me, and I didn't want to guilt him into staying with me. It wasn't fair to him. But he started it.

"I love you, Susannah." He kissed me. He did. With blood, tears, dirt, and who knows what else on my face, he kissed me. And I forgot all that had happened all night. The phone had not yet rang, and I had just asked Jesse whether he had had fun, and he had said "Yups." And he had kissed me. And that was where I was for a second, until some people started venturing toward the hospital to fix the hydrant. Jesse looked very apologetic when he remembered he had done it.

I remembered that Claire had just woken up and asked Jesse what he was doing outside. He embarrassedly informed me that after he'd left our apartment, he'd started shaking things and moving things, which was of course no good in a hospital, so he'd come outside. Jesse brought me inside the warmth of the hospital waiting room, where I got more stares. I glared back, then remembered I was in the ER waiting room and relented. I signed back in and asked if I could see Claire. The nurse said that I could, but made me pull on a hospital robe, which I was only too glad to wear.

I walked into her room. Tim glared at me so intensely, some of the inspirational pictures on the wall started to shake. He relented only somewhat when he saw whose arms were around me. I looked at the floor. Then I looked at his wife. There was still a male nurse in the room, so I couldn't say much. "So, how ya doin'?"

She looked unsure what to make of me, and I guessed (correctly, it turned out) that Tim had told her everything. "I'm… I mean… I'm… concussed…" At a loss for what to say, I asked about Monica. It turned out that she was sleeping over at a friend's house, and had been asleep before the accident. No one wanted to wake her. I stepped into my doctor role and asked how Monica was doing with her… problems. "She's doing better… you can see her sometimes trying so hard not to let Scabbers talk, she really seems to be making an effort. But sometimes she doesn't notice, and he talks anyway. But sometimes she says 'Dr. Simon says she'll make you go away,' and that seems to make her OK for a while." The mention of his daughter seemed to make Tim soften quite a bit.

We talked about Monica for a while, which surprised me, because if I had been anyone else in the room, I'd have hit me. Well, except maybe Claire, who was bedridden. Actually, that probably wouldn't have stopped me. My robe must have opened or something, because Claire just goes "What are you wearing?"

I blushed and mumbled something. Tim started laughing. I guess that was good… Suddenly I felt kind of close to collapsing again and remembered that I was probably dehydrated. I got some water and started to leave. I turned in the robe, then remembered to say goodbye to Claire. She giggled when she saw me in my pink fuzzies. The I guess I was shivering, because Jesse said something to Tim and he gave me his jacket. No one could see it, but it was warm and I thanked him. Jesse walked me home. Back at home, I went into the bathroom to wash up and change into different pajamas. I got my pink ones off and screamed.

Cliffie after all! But that wuz a long'n! I just uploaded chappy 8 and I haven't even gotten any reviews on it yet (except katie's) I think I've gotten most of my anger out on suze. My goodness, that one bit where jesse dumped her wuz fun. Even if it didn't happen… no idea where I'm going w/ this story, actually… but we'll find out 2gether:giggles:


	11. The Scream

**AmethystHannah**: Paul… or _me_? I have not yet _begun_ to be evil. Nor has Paul. Hurrah!

**nikki007**: I am updating! Hurrah!

**moovalous3**: yessir! Random people are the world! We are the children! We are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start—oh, sorry… u rock as well and more! I totally agree that it's ur name. and ur the 1st who's offered 2 share. Seriously. Yes, I was letting off serious steam. And yet I was still full of it. Steam, I mean. I luved the bit where suze said that… and I kept trying 2 make them not make up and then feeling bad 4 them and then they made up…. But ahahaahaha! She screams! Good guess, btw. :winks: THANK YOU I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS, PLEASE CONTINUE TO REVIEW:updates: Hurrah!

**GroovyBananas**: Thank you, aaand thank you! La di dah! Just updated! As you must know, since you are reading this. And if you're not, then you wouldn't be… er… sorry? Right… well, here my update! Hurrah!

**Alenor**: Hey, either uv nvr reviewed or u changed ur name from something… new reviewers? Hurrah!

**QuidditchMoke**: hehe awesome! You read lines from MY fic OUTLOUD:sits blinking: I'm… so… happeh:giggle: thank you, and I know, you are right about the reviews, but I'm obsessive compulsive… but… since you told me not to… and gave good reason… obsessive-compulsions work in mysterious ways…I think this compulsion is gone… because of YOUR REVIEW! I'm so serious:laughs incredulously: I can post now without all 10 reviews! Seriously! Hurrah!

* * *

I screamed. Paul was grinning at me from the shower. Before I could cover myself, he grabbed me again and started kissing me… oh shit. I tried to stop him _again_. I must be the most weak-minded individual in the world.

"Susannah? What's wro—"

The door opened. I don't want to mention what I was wearing at this time, only that there was a reason I was shivering under my pajamas back when I was wearing them. Suddenly there was an earthquake. Oh, wow. It wasn't an earthquake. It was Jesse getting mad. I finally realized I was still in a compromising position and pushed Paul away. Suze Simon, this is your life. I grabbed a towel off the rack and covered myself. Then I punched Paul. This time, I aimed. For the nose. CRACK! Then both the eyes. Then, not caring about how my hand felt, I went for his mouth. He caught my hand in midair. Even though he was bleeding and starting to bruise, he was grinning. I wished I'd gotten that mouth. He grabbed the towel and threw it away, but it immediately flew back toward me and Jesse flew toward Paul. I covered up with the towel long enough to throw my blue silky pajamas on. I ran out of the bathroom. Then a moment later I slipped back in. Jesse was facing me, but not looking at me. Paul had his back to me. Perfect. Jesse was landing more blows than Paul, but he was putting up quite a fight. Not for long. I hit him on the head with "A History of Time". He fell to the floor, but wasn't unconscious. So I hit him again. And again. Until he _was_ unconscious. Then I stomped on his stomach. I don't know why, I just did. I blame it on all the stress that I started crying again.

Paul's body zoomed out the suddenly opened door, still unconscious. Jesse came toward me. He looked concerned. "Susannah! Are you alright?"

I nodded, practically sobbing. "I'm so sorry!"

He shushed me. "It wasn't your fault, _querida_."

He'd called me _querida_ again! Something had gone right! I'd have grinned if I weren't still crying. I wiped my face. "I didn't push him away quickly enough! It is my fault!"

He kissed me. That shut me up for a couple of minutes. Those were some _good_ minutes. Yups. Then I said, in a mobster voice, "We gotta dispose of da body."

Jesse grasped the general gist of what I'd said. "He's not dead."

"No, but he is unconscious and bruised right outside the door to my apartment." Jesse frowned. We took turns kicking Paul's unconscious form down the hallway and into the elevator. "This'll do." I hit the button for the top floor and ran out of the elevator. Back in the apartment, I informed Jesse that we had to talk about it.

"I'd rather not."

"So you'd rather just be mad at me forever." He was silent. "No. It's like confession." He flopped onto the sofa. I plopped after him and made a pouty face. "Pleeease?" He sighed, resigned.

"Fine." I waited. "Is that the first time you have—Paul has—" Wow. How had I not seen that one coming? There must have been something on my face, because he leaned back and put his head down. "No, do not answer that, I don't want to know."

"You need to know." He closed his eyes. "No. It's not the first time. But I never make it easy. Last time he had to break the door down."

Jesse's head popped up. "Susannah! You told me that was—"

"I didn't want you to be mad at me. But if it's any consolation, he never escaped without a bruise."

"Well it certainly didn't look like he was forcing you into anything." He sounded pretty bitter, not like I could blame him.

"You're right. It didn't. When he kisses me, it's like something comes over me, and—"

"I don't want to hear it, Susannah!"

"Neither do I. But you could do better than me, Jesse." I wiped my eyes subtly.

He looked at me. "Even if I thought that were true, no one could see me."

"Jazz can."

"Jasmine is a child."

"And how old was I when we met? She's a lot like me, but minus Paul!"

He opened his mouth, then something dawned on him. "Susannah… are you… leaving me? For…" He said the name with more than a little distaste. "Paul?"

I baulked. "Jesse, I've done some stupid things in my life, tonight being one of them, but I really hope I have enough of a brain not to break up with _you_ for _him_! But—"

"Then may we stop talking? Or does anything else 'need' to be said?"

"Yes." His forehead wrinkled. "I love you." He smiled and kissed me.

"Jesse?"

He closed his eyes in irritation and apprehension. "Yes?"

"Why are you being so nice? I don't deserve it."

"Because I love you," he explained. Then _I_ kissed _him_.

"So, do I kiss as well as Slater?" he asked sardonically.

I looked at him like he was nuts. "Paul is vermin. I'd say that you were a hundred times better, but that would be a very low, no, negative number." Unfortunately not true. "Your number is, like, a zillion." Definitely true.

He smiled. "Let's make it two 'zillion'."

I grinned widely and pinned him to the couch, then abruptly stopped. "This isn't right."

"What?" Now he looked exasperated.

"Where was I when you came in?"

Realization dawned. He made a disgusted face and thought for a moment. Then he unceremoniously picked me up and dropped me on the bed. "Where were we?" Now _he_ pinned _me_ to the bed. I remember being perfectly content, and then I remember waking up all tucked in. Shoot! I'd fallen asleep!

My first thought was that the entire last night had been a dream, but I was wearing my blue silky pajamas and my face hurt. So I'd fallen asleep while kissing Jesse. Perfect end to the perfect night. I groaned and looked up. Jesse was lying next to me reading some book I couldn't see the title of.

"I'm sorry, Jesse."

He looked surprised. "For what?"

"Well, all the stuff I've already apologized for, and now for falling asleep last night at the worst possible moment."

"You were tired," he dismissed, not mentioning any of the other things I'd just apologized for.

I rolled over toward him. "Have you been there all night?"

"No. I left you alone in the apartment after leaving Slater bleeding in an elevator." Sarcasm! I was so proud. "Yes, I stayed here. I finished my book." He held up his new book, which was called "Do Androids Dream of Robot Sheep?"

"I had the best dream last night," I said, suddenly remembering what it was. "You and I were dancing," he smiled. "On Paul's grave." He laughed.

"Maybe it will come true." I frowned, because the last time a guy had mentioned my dreams coming true had been Paul last night. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just wish the night had ended differently."

"What do you mean?" He looked a little hurt.

"I mean without me falling asleep."

He agreed. "Shall we pick up where we left off?" I grinned widely, and we did.

* * *

Haha! I still haven't even uploaded 9 and I'm done with 11… I relented on suze a bit, my frustr8ions r pretty much out. This is not the end, my chickadees, because I have a 4-day weekend w/ nothing 2 do except this+hw, and I like this better… so now I'm being pretty nice 2 suze. 


	12. Day Out

Question: Does this chapter have a POINT?

Answer: Nopes. No point whatsoever. Well, kind of gives some information and a photograph. And I do like the ending. SPOILERS START IN NEXT CHAPPY, SO IF NE1'S READING THIS THAT HASN'T READ DA BOOX, I'LL LET U STOP NOW. (hehe) oh, and I supposed by now you've realized when it says "kissing" it means "_more_ than kissing". Note: I still have not read Twilight (:dies:), so if anything's just flat wrong, not my fault. OMG! I HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING MY REVIEW ALERTS! BUT I'VE BEEN GETTING REVIEWS! (at the time of writing this, I'd only just uploaded chappy 8. :giggles:)

Alenor: lol, fun getting ur reviews. Thank u! yes I enjoy beating paul up. I mean, having suze and jesse beat him up. Same diffy in my head. SHALOM! I don't know why I said that… NEXT!

nikki007: yessir, it means they did dotdotdot. I is having upd8ed nowishly! I also luv d fluff and beating.

moovalous3: I have been in the place with the thing you know there that place. U were thinking about me:blushes: hehe u r just a genius I guess. And it MIGHT just be me controlling him…GASP! Haha the 4-day weekend was looong long ago! Hehe I kno I luv the butt-kickingnosity. Ooh! Poem! Ooli! Oh my meg! U TOTALLY rock! And with the randomnosity… I don't play favorites with reviewers. All people who review ROCK! But if I did… I'll stop there.

luvfaytdestini: o! good review! I hate him 2! Ooh thank u 4 ur generous jesse-gift! Haha I have a boyfriend… I should remember that more.

GroovyBananas: Houston, we have another AWESMOE REVIEWER! And hurrah 4 hypernosity! I've nvr actually heard of mcfly, but MAZEL TOV! Aaw, ty! And u have NO IDEA about paul yet…. :shudders: hehe. I do enjoy the bashing. BASH BASH BASH? I MUST read ur fic! Never cut ur review short if u have anything else to say. Check my reviews on, like, flashlight or some awesmoe sotry by kaitie or sum'n, and ull c wut I'm talking about. Only MY reviews need 2 b cut short. I really don't care if you're railing on about the insanity of paul or the wonders of peanut-butter. RANDOMNOSITY ROX!

SnurfyJoanne: Yay, you're reading another chapter:shhs: hehe ur the 1st 2 actually LIKE the paul kiss thing… evry1 else is mad… :smiles shyly: hehe MORE BROKEN NOSES! MORE! Hehe I kno I heart heart HEART jesse. Hehe my story's addictive:grinsgrins: mad people r ALL THE FUN!

QuidditchMoke: Hehe. My sentiments exactly! U must remember, tho, that at the time of writing this, I hadn't READ twilite. I shall say in my intro when I actually have, er, had, (this time-travel thing is weird) read twilite. Beat u up! Nvr! She is really OOC! This is what happens when a ficcer bears a PERSONAL grudge against 1 of the characters! She makes them do bad things and makes bad thing happen 2 them! U must remember that as I was writing that, jesse was off inexplicably in carmel, and I was getting kindof… u kno… erm… green-eyed. :giggles at thing slightly resembling pun: patients shan't actually be any more in this one, I've found out. Though one of them makes a small appearance. There shall be more in the sequel I've just learned I'm writing. These things happen without my knowledge, you see. And yes, you ended my compulsion. And I thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly, you've killed her—it—so completely that I thank you very sweetly! (wizard of oz) hehe! Yupz 4 impact! I am now naming u after my friend cuz she said she didn't want 2 b named proma cuz she's been alive longer than u and stuff. Anyway, your new name, funnily enuff, is TEENA. Or TINA, if u want. I HAVE read ur HP ficcy! Aha, but I kno u want the ACTUAL STORY because I am a mindreader like that. So here ya go! Finally!

* * *

Jesse and I had a celebratory lunch the next day at McDonalds. I don't know what we were celebrating, but we were pretty happy, so we went to Mickey D's. Really broke the bank there. Jesse always felt bad that I had to pay, even though he shouldn't have since he wasn't eating. And of course there was the whole sexism bit, but he was the one who always cooked, so I figured we were even. McDonalds was playing the local news on the little TV hanging from the ceiling. I saw Paul's picture on the screen. Whoa… I ran up to the wall, Jesse following behind.

"…in an elevator at a small New York City apartment building. Slater, one of the city's more affluent persons, was unconscious with bad bruises, a broken nose, and multiple broken ribs, but claimed to have no memory of how he had gotten there." Good old Paul. "When asked what he had been doing in the building, he replied that he lived there. No further information has been attained at this time. In other news, some small dogs in Manhattan were…" Of course he remembered it, though. I hadn't think I'd hit him _that_ hard… had I? And a broken nose, too! Yay!

"Well, how do you like that," I announced, apparently to thin air. "My good friend Paul Slater broke his nose again. Probably did another very stupid thing… maybe ticked someone off pretty badly. Or, by the sound of it, more than one person." The couple at the next table looked at me strangely, not sure whether they were supposed to respond, and the man made a noise of general agreement. Heh. "Such a shame about his nose," I continued. "He had such a nice nose. I wonder who would do a thing like break it." I walked back to my table and took out the leftovers to give to some homeless guy on the street. "I'm so frustrated," I stated, apparently to myself. "That news about Paul made me want to kiss my boyfriend, but I can't until I'm back at home." I was suddenly being pushed to walk more quickly home. I laughed.

"Excuse me, miss!" shouted a woman at me from a stall. "You have a ghost following you, would you like to see?"

I was curious, I admit. "See what?"

"I take a photograph of you, and I see you and a ghost. Then I trace the outline of the ghost so you can see it."

"That sounds fun!" I'd always wanted a picture of Jesse and me together where other people could see Jesse. And I couldn't help but wonder whether she was the real deal. Even if she wasn't, it might be a funny picture.

Jesse made an impatient noise from behind me, but followed me. I said some things calculated to make him make my favorite face, which is the one where he raises his eyebrow and looks amused. Then I made my usual picture face. The woman snapped it. "Perfect."

"Can I watch you draw it?"

Jesse groaned, annoyed. The woman looked at me knowingly and I smiled and rolled my eyes toward Jesse. He started looking kind of ticked off so I grabbed his hands and started batting my eyelashes, which made him laugh. We watched her draw. She traced Jesse perfectly. When she was done, it was a photograph of me and a black marker outlined semitransparent Jesse. "It's great! He's so hot! Where do you get your ideas?" Jesse blushed, which was funny, and the woman laughed. "Actually, he looks just like a picture I have at home of a previous tenant of my old house… isn't that interesting. So how much?"

"For you?" She implied with a look that she meant me _and_ Jesse. "10." I thanked her and gave her an extra buck.

"Was that so bad?" I asked Jesse. He grunted. "Offer still stands at home…" Now he grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the apartment. I laughed more and followed. We walked into the apartment, where I tripped over a small fuzzball, which yelped. "Maxine! I'm sorry little girl!" Jesse tapped his foot. I laughed again. (A/N: At about 11:30 tonight, the 14th of January, JESSE CAME BACK! W00t! unfortunately, he had just read a fan mail I had sent to demetri martin in which I informed him of my desire to marry him. Oops. I got in trouble, so I showed him this fic, about which he has rather mixed feelings, I believe. Me talk so perdy sumtimes… but I don't care, because my jessemoo is back, and he says he and suze JUST TALKED! And now I can rel8 2 him in my fic when he says "I don't want to know." Right. Back 2 l plot) I tacked my new marker-photo of Jesse and me to the wall next to the miniature of Jesse I kept. Pretty funny, really, and I think it proved he existed, but they'd probably think I brought in the picture. Then I ran into the bedroom, closing the door against the animals but not against Jesse, and fell back on the bed. We spent the rest of the day so engaged, until I finally fell asleep _at an appropriate time_. But I woke up in the middle of the night to find a knife to my throat and someone holding me down.

* * *

GAA! ENUFF WITH THE CLIFFIES, EM, STOP IT ALREADY! Yo stupid, you ARE em. Who are you talking to? I don't know, who are you? I am you as well, you are talking to yourself, you psycho. Oh, OK. Jesse thinx evry1's horribly out of character, but I think he's in denial. :nods: OK… who u thinx got the knife? Hint: IT'S NOT SUZE YOU FREAKIN MORONS:giggles: no1 who's reading this story is really a freakin moron, but if u thought it wuz suze w/ the knife… I gotta doubt ur intelligence… 


	13. Kidnapped

Hi all! Didn't get many reviews (sad face) but I did get GOOD reviews, and it's quality over quantity, roight? Oh hey, true story, last night I actually had the totally illogical thought "maybe meg cabot isn't such a genius after all…" then I thought "ok Emily, time for bed… let's not stay up this late anymore…" anyway, now 4 my TRES AWESMOE REVIEWERS!

**nikki007:** :grins: 1 way 2 find out… :winx:

**Tory Shan:** I have not yet BEGUN to hurt people. As I've said, am one of the only people with PERSONAL grudge against the fictional characters. And I LOVE to see them get hurt… yeah, I suck…. Aaah well… hehe… don't worry about it, tho… either u luv it or h8 it… it gets interesting, I think… and no me tell whether ps or js! Nice new name, btw!

**SnurfyJoanne:** Yes! Another review! Believe me, _I_ shan't be the one throwing tomatoes… that was one of the reasons Jesse and I broke up… he hates paul, I luuurve paul, u kno… just didn't work. Aah well… and BELIEVE me I can sympathize with ur feelings 4 paul… hehe… haha. I like hurting them almost as much as I love making them happy… and I DO make good things happen to them sometimes… hehe I don't TRY to make cliffies… it just seems like a good place 2 end my chappies…

**LlamaDuck:** OMM! I JUST memorized the llama song and have been singing it 2 every1 all week! My country's motto on nationstates is "llama llama cheesecake llama… llama llama duck!" as 4 the review, read on!

**QuidditchMoke: **YAY new review! Hehe… I have this friend named teena and u remind me so much of her I thought u MIGHT be her at 1st but u spell "tina" differently. So I tried to name her proma, but she pulled the age card, so I decided u would make a relaly guten tina. MAZEL TOV! I kno, the movie thing is now in my songfic that I'm making… it's called guy that's in a book… it's based on lfo's girl on tv… heh I like it so far… suze wasn't sure whether 2 believe it, but wut did she have 2 lose? It wuz bound 2 be an… INTERESTING picture whether it wuz authentic or not… and ya, most people thought she wuz a joke, but

they bought the thing neway, (stupid tourists) so she made a living… hehe, ull luv the beginning of this I hope!

**chocoholic: **luv ur name! u shall find out! Aaw thanx! And I posted right after I got ur review, cuz u made 5… hope I get more this time, tho…

and a special thanx to: OMG I'M ON 12 DIFFY FAV AUTHORS LISTS! Neway

Like You Care

P0rn04Pyr0s

DarkPrincessKate

gatorchick007

Pens in potatoes

AmethystHannah

Tory Shan

phishphood

gottaluvspike

KatieKat19

luvfaytdestini

CoolAsIce

YOU PEOPLE ROCK SO MUCH IT'S AMAZING! And also a thanks to the peoples who have me on alert:

Calendar

Fantasywriter13

GroovyBananas

SpiceyGurl

Like You Care (AGAIN!)

QuidditchMoke

znadias24

DarkPrincessKate (AGAIN!)

gatorchick007 (AGAIN!)

Pens in potatoes (AGAIN!)

AmethystHannah (AGAIN!)

Alenor

AngrySmiles

LlamaDuck

Tory Shan (AGAIN!)

Koizak

KatieKat19 (AGAIN!)

luvfaytdestini (AGAIN!)

nikki007

AND NOW, THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE I STARTED BLABBERING LIKE A MORON…. MY NEW CHAPTER!

Evry1 shocked me in this chappy. I wuznt xpecting mosta them 2 do wut they did.

* * *

My first thought was that Jesse, after one more day of passion, had flown into a jealous rage and decided to kill me. Shut up, I'd just woken up. My second thought was obviously of Paul being mad at the whole nose thing. And ribs thing. And eyes thing. My third thought was of the first time I'd woken up with a knife to my throat. Finally, my eyes adjusted to the dark. How could it be? It was… the same person as the first time! "Where's Jesse?"

"Jess—oh, yes. Hector. Well, your cute little friend in the hospital was attacked by Fel—I mean, a ghost. Naturally Hector went off to protect her." Great. Jesse was off protecting Claire while I was… wait… my "cute little friend?" That was what _Paul_ had called her! Of course!

"What do you want, Maria?"

She sniffed daintily. "Revenge."

"Sorry then, but I'm booked solid. Try again next week? I've got a space on Friday…"

Her eyes widened. "Come with me, now!" Oh dammit…

"I'm up, I'm up." I started to get up, then stopped. "Hey, umm… can I get something on first?"

She looked disgusted. "Fine. Where are your dresses, bonnets, petti—"

"I need a bra, panties, jeans—"

"You may wear a dress!" she shouted.

"Fine. Umm, It's in my closet. And my underwear is in a drawer. But I'm not getting up until you leave."

"Do you think me a fool? As soon as I leave, you will jump out a window or some such thing." Yeah, that was the plan. So much for that.

"Well then pass me something." She held up a few of the wrong things, clearly wanting to see me in the buff about as much as I wanted her to see me. Which is to say, not at all. She finally got me the right things and I got dressed under the covers. I could tell already that this was going to be a fun fun fun day. "Where are we going?"

"That is not for you to know." She put a cloth over my eyes and around my hands. I couldn't believe no one was moving to help a girl blindfolded with her hands bound behind her back apparently being pushed by nothing, but no one did. Maria knew she didn't need to put anything over my mouth, because if I screamed for help people would just think I was nuts. She pushed me roughly down the hall, and let me tell you, Maria pushing me was NOTHING like Jesse pushing me. Elevator, lobby, outside, left turn, left turn, across the street, right, street, left, right. I was making notes of all this in my head just in case. I tried to make something out of it like I'd taken to doing when I had to memorize something. Little Leon Sherman ran straight like… rain. L, L, S, R, S, L, R. Stupid song, but hopefully it would get the job done. I was freezing in the dress Maria had handed me, which was a summer dress. I hoped wherever we were going was heated. Needless to say, it wasn't. "Sit."

"'Kay." She took my blindfold off, but left the hand-tie thingy on. I was in an abandoned thingy, that was all I could tell. "So where's your boss?"

"My what?"

"You know… the guy who orders you around… Paul."

"Oh, he is—wait! What makes you think Paul orders me about?"

"I'm incredibly smart," I lied.

"I am working entirely by myself. The whole plot was mine."

I laughed outloud. "Right. And Jesse killed me two years ago after I was elected president of North Korea." But Maria clearly had no idea what I was talking about. (A/N: Jesse appreciates my hilariosity, even if he doesn't like where my story is going) "So… what'd ya bring me here for?"

"You are not to know yet. But you will cooperate."

I laughed again. "She don't know me very well, do she?"

"You will indeed, and I hear your reason arriving now."

There were some sounds of a struggle, and in walked Jack Slater. Actually, he didn't walk, he was pushed. But who was pushing him was even more surprising than Jack himself. No. Too much. It couldn't be!

"Heather?"

"Hey Susie."

"Heather Chambers?"

"Yes ma'am." She was looking pretty happy about something. Too happy.

"OK, I'll bite. So what's the kid doing here?" I was pretending not to know him.

Heather pulled the blindfold and the gag off of him. The blindfold and gag were all glowing. Ghost thingies, like Jesse's hanky or Maria's knife. That'd be why no one helped me… "Suze! Help me! They kidnapped me! I was visiting Paul and he left the room for a second and this girl came in and brought me wherever this is and it took a really long time and I'm so glad you're here Suze!" Wow. Thanks, Jack. I mean, I felt for him and all, he did have a demon for a brother, and he didn't even seem to know Paul was in on the whole thing. But seriously.

"Yeah, OK, ditto, ditto, your brother is the spawn of Satan, etc, etc. I'm not particularly glad I'm here, myself, but at least it's helping one of us."

"_What_ about my brother?"

"Hmm… a bunch of my exorcized ghosts of Christmas past come back and kidnap me and you while your brother, who had just invited you over, leaves the room. Not to mention the convenient timing of the attack on one of my patients," I carefully avoided calling Claire a friend, "who is already in the hospital, meaning Jesse has to leave my side for the first time in days. And Maria here calls her the same thing your brother did. And claims to have masterminded the whole thing. Didn't need Scooby Doo to solve that mystery." Maria stared at me and Heather grinned. As I've said, Heather looked entirely too happy. "All right, Chambers, what are you on and where can I get some?"

Jack looked shocked that I knew them both, then looked around and recognized Maria. Heather replied that she was just happy to see me tied up where I belonged. I responded that flattering as that was, I doubted that that was all. She informed me that it wasn't a compliment, and if I'd been exorcized, I'd want the perp brought to justice too. Yeah. _Me _brought to justice. Because I was so the bad one here.

"So," I started conversationally. "Where'd you get the ghost blindfolds?"

"Shaved a dead sheep." Wow. Surprisingly resourceful. I'd never even _seen_ a dead sheep… But then, I didn't go around many farms checking to see which sheep were glowing…

At that moment, the mastermind himself walked in. He had two shiners, and a bandaged nose. I restrained a grin and tried to look concerned, because he was my captor after all. Didn't want to purposely antagonize him. Actually, yes, I did, but I stopped myself. Mostly. Jack, even after my monologue, was still surprised to see him. "Paul? You did this? To _me_? And _Suze_?"

"Jack, who do you think did this to my face?" His voice was raspy, as if—oh, right, I'd broken some ribs. "And my ribs?"

Jack had no such qualms about antagonizing his captor. "Suze did that to you?" He burst out laughing. "She's not exactly muscle-man there!" I let this bit of sexism pass, because it was funny. And it was true about the muscles. My lip quivered. "Jesus though, Paul, what did you do to her?"

"Nothing. She thought I was flirting with her and the ghost man started beating me up, then she did too. I didn't want to hurt her, so I didn't fight back."

I guffawed. "So you're ashamed enough of what you did to me to lie to your own brother and two ghost women?"

"You're ashamed enough of what you did to me to lie to my own brother and said women?"

For a second, Jack didn't know whom to believe, but given our past records, he rather sensibly went with me. He winked at me and then went "Suze, you're a horrible liar." Hey, maybe I had taught him pretty well after all!

"Hey," I suddenly remembered. "I have a patient today. I gotta tell 'em I can't make it. Number's in my cell. Cell's in my pocket." Heather obligingly got it out of my pocket, found the name I gave her, Cleary, and held the phone up to my ear.

"Hello? It's Dr. Simon. I won't be making it in today because I was kidnapped by—"

Heather grabbed the phone away, for the first time looking worried. Paul grinned and took it. Speaking in his rasping voice, he said into the phone "Hi. This is Dr. Miller from Belle Reve Mental Hospital. We're sorry Miss Simon here got a hold of her phone, but we hear she's been masquerading as a psychologist?" I had to give him props for not saying Bellevue, as that could be checked. Damn damn damn. I got mad because my plan had been foiled… and maybe a little scared…

"PAUL! PUT DOWN MY PHONE! Please, Mrs. Cleary, get help! I studied 10 years for my PhD!" But Paul had put a hand over the speaker and was grinning at me. _He_ antagonized _me_! No fair! "Paul, you're the one who tried to kiss me in front of my boyfriend while I was wearing what I was wearing when Maria found me this morning." This simultaneously shocked Maria, Heather, Jack, and Paul. Maria knew what I had been wearing this morning, and Paul was surprised that I'd been wearing that this morning with Jesse. No one else knew what I'd been wearing, but the other two were surprised he'd done that at all. I shot a look at Jack, who got my meaning and resumed looking like he didn't believe me. Heather was looking at Paul with what I assumed was disgust, but then she looked at me. It wasn't disgust… It was… jealousy. She _liked _Paul? Was she crazy? Was I getting territorial? Damn. I called Jesse silently. Didn't work. I noticed Felix still wasn't there. I hoped my "cute little friend" was OK. Well, as OK as she had been when last I'd seen her, anyway.

"Hope this hasn't caused too much inconvenience, Mr. Cleary. Have a nice day. Mmk buh-bye now."

I stopped myself from swearing at him. "Paul, perhaps you'll tell me what Heather here is so damned happy about?"

"You can tell her, babe."

Babe? This guy had just gotten his bones broken a night ago for trying to kiss ME! Now suddenly Heather's "babe"? Me? Jealous? Nopes. No friggin' way.

Heather beamed. "Paulie's making me alive again!" Paulie? Wait… making her… alive? But the only way he could make her alive would be to kill someone…

"It's me, isn't it?" I asked flatly.

"What is?" (Jack)

"You're going to put Heather Chambers in my body, aren't you?"

Heather beamed. "Not that it's a perfect specimen of a body, and it's a little old and frumpy, but it'll do!" Hey! I may not have been a "perfect" specimen, but I was _not_ old or frumpy! I pursed my lips. "I'll be alive!"

"And Paul will have my body like he wants."

"No! He wants my soul! He's willing to put up with your body!"

"Of course, Heather, of course."

"Hey, do you have any other bodies I could use? Any girls? Who are younger than you? And maybe prettier? And have friends? Aren't you, like, a psychologist?"

"Nope. No girl patients and no young ones. Just old, ugly guys. They're very lonely and they invent ghosts for themselves."

Heather looked put out, but Paul looked relieved. Well, he was warm for my form after all then, but any delusions about his liking me for my dazzling intellect and quick wit were pretty much gone. Almost. "Paul, who would you rather have, me, or Chambers pretending to be me?"

"It's not like you've ever been an option, Suze."

"Paulie!" Heather shouted. "What are you inferring?" She meant implying, of course.

"Paul," I got his attention. "I know I've always been kind of unattainable, but you look so vulnerable right now, and… and… when you and I were kissing, Jesse didn't get jealous at all, and I don't think he even really loves me, and I can tell by the way you kiss me that you really like me too, and please just give me one more chance, Paul, and I swear on my father's grave I'll kiss you better than I've ever kissed you before!"

Paul pondered this. "You're father's grave, huh? Well I'll give you one chance, but there's two very powerful women in here who can back me up if you try anything."

"Paulie! You said! You said I could be alive!"

"Heather, you're not in any danger yet. I don't even know if she means it."

"YET? Paul! You like her better than me?"

"Heather, shut up. Maria, untie her. Both of you, watch her."

Maria reluctantly untied me. I beamed and ran to Paul. I kissed him deeply. And I'm not going to lie. I enjoyed it.

Yes. I enjoyed it. But my chilliness brought me back to consciousness. "Paul, I'm freezing. Hey Maria, can I have your outermost layer of skin?"

She made her lips into a tiny little line, but Paul made her give me her sweater thing. I put it on and put my hands inside. Then I kissed him some more, and it was pleasant. I wasn't even sure whether it was more or less pleasant than what happened next.

* * *

Yes, I brought Maria, Heather, and Felix back. And I brought Jack in. Yay 4 me. I have so many ideas 4 this story, and they go from here. I have no idea how I got so far off topic from the seshes. But I know where I'm going with this, guys, really I do. Monster… want… reviews! Oh, and uh… blood. Sure. Yeah, I almost ended this chappy at "I enjoyed it," but I changed my mind cuz the "what happened next" had a more suspenseful effect. Oh, and at some point during this chappy, I decided 2 put in a challenge 2 m'self. I've always wanted 2 do a challenge fic, but I nvr got around 2 asking ne1 4 a challenge. But I can't tell u wut the line is till after sum1 says it. 


	14. Violence

Am… so… HAPPY! So… many… reviews:shrieks happily: and I only had to ask two people to review! W00tw00t! Now the responses.

Koizak: Cool review. Thanks for reviewing. I love reviews. Have I mentioned that? I think I have. Well it deserves to be mentioned more. REVIEWS ROCK!

nikki007: Not telling what kind o' a fic it is. Here is m'upd8, srry it's been s'long! Aaww thank u:grinz:

Alenor: np all! Yes, I tried to bring in about EVERYONE somehow or other… Jack is about 18 I belive… I put him in hi skool someone tell me if I'm wrong…

Smart is sexy: ooh! M'friend suze (phishphood, I named her suze) is always all "read sotries b'"smart is sexy" and I'm all "e-mail me a link" and she's all "I will" and then she doesn't… but ya. Hehe, yeah, but it _sounds_ so sincere, doesn't it? But there's nothing she can be held to if she doesn't feel like going thru with it… it'd work probby in pretty much every1 except her family… esp her father, who might realize he wasn't buried… hehe…

breezie: o tyvm:grinz: I updating now, srry it took me!

PinkExplosion: Haha at first I couldn't figure out y ur review ended with "explosion" then I saw ur name hehe. Aaww ty so much! Just updated!

QuidditchMoke: Now THAT is a review! I sympathize with the AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Thing. Hehe thanks! Remember, back then I was super-mad at Susie m'self. Why do I call her Susie? To tick her off is why! Hehe, your anger is very gratifying! Thank u!

GroovyBananas: I was all "I just can't post my next chappy yet… something is… missing…" then I realize there're two people who haven't left their reviews… aha! It is groovybananas and moovalous3! So i e-mailed catie but ur address is hidden, as uv explained, so I couldn't find u… Then when I wuz reading a fic it said "I'm doing a joint fic with groovybananas" and I was like SHE'LL KNOW HOW! And das y I left dat review. :nods sagely: np at all 4 not reviewing, that happens 2 me all de time. Hehe "so that's my life story" kaitie is currently darkprincesskate… u can find her on my favie authors list, she wrote twisted and the series with hypnotized by evil and stuff like that… if u haven't read her stuff, you totally should. If you like or dislike or are indifferent to or have never read MY stuff, ull LOVE kaitie's! ditto the people on my favorite authors/stories lists:grinz: very nice review. A perfect specimen! As for the peanut butter… I'm very happy for you. I only like it in chocolate. HURARH!

moovalous3: Actually, I didn't expect half of it either… it's all out of my hands once I start writing, u kno… I really like this chapter myself, but that's just me. I think u guyz'll like it 2, tho. TYVM 4 the review! Wasn't expecting such a quick response:beamz: ya, I h8 paul 2… but he still makes m'knees go all jelloid, ya kno? The thought of him can make me laff, or drool, or throw things really hard… for jesse it's pretty much just… no, actually, all 3 2. hehe. Ty again, YOU ALL ROCK!

Thank you to all the same people I thanked last time, the people who read, then the people who REVIEW, then the people who have me on alert, then the people who have me on favorites, you people are SO UNBLEEVABLY KOOLIO!

* * *

Now to "what happened next…"

* * *

I put my arms around his neck, and Maria de Silva Diego's knife to his throat. It had been in the sweater. I was quite possibly the most brilliant girl ever. "Anyone moves, and Slater gets it. Slater gets it, and Chambers has no chance of ever being alive. And Maria… I don't know why you're here, but I know it has something to do with Paul here. So nobody move or the knife slips in his throat. Diego, untie littlest Slater. Jack, follow me. Paul, no sudden movements. Heather, be glad I saved you from this jerk." Only I didn't say "jerk".

Paul looked disappointed, then hurt, then angry. Angry was good. Angry I could deal with. Angry made people hit, and I could hit back. But the other two almost nagged at me. Maria, muttering in Spanish, untied Jack. "You two, stay here. I'm going home." I held Paul around the neck, knife to his beautiful throat. I mean, his throat. Average throat. Kind of ugly, actually. Just a throat. Where was I? Oh yes… "Little Leon Sherman ran straight like rain." So first I would go… from the back to the front, and reversed. So rain became right, which turned into left. We exited the building, which turned out to be a closed restaurant, and went left. I kept going back through my song and switching them. In the end, I went left, right, across the street, left, street, right, right. I didn't end up quite at my place, I must've gotten a wrong turn somewhere, but by then I knew where I was, so I went home. Back at my apartment, I pondered what to do with Paul. First thing was first. I hit him on the head a few times till he was unconscious. Actually, I hit him twice and my protégé hit him a few times. I lost count, he got so into it. I beamed at him and opened Paul's eyes to make sure he wasn't faking it.

"So Suze, what _were_ you wearing when Maria found you this morning?"

"Pajamas," I lied.

"Wow… you really _are_ a bad liar, Suze."

"Feh." We sat on the couch for a couple of seconds, recuperating from our little adventure and trying to think of what to do with Paul. I didn't think the elevator would cut it this time.

Suddenly, Jesse materialized. He seemed preoccupied; he didn't seem to notice us on the couch. Or maybe he was still avoiding looking at that particular couch. His face was again the mix of emotions he had been wearing with the flying rocks. "Come, Spike, we're leaving now. Susannah has found a new _amor_."

"What?"

"Susannah?" He was clearly shocked to see me.

"I found a new what now?"

"I saw you. You called me from Claire's side only to kiss that… that…" He said something unflattering in Spanish. "In front of me! And you said, you know you've always been unattainable, but he looked vulnerable, and I hadn't acted _jealous_ enough when you kissed him, and you thought I didn't really love you, and you said when he kissed you, you knew he loved you and that you would kiss him better than you'd ever kissed him before. And then you did."

"And then you left."

"Of course I left! I don't watch my 'girlfriend' kiss other men!"

"Which is a shame, because if you had stuck around, you'd have seen me put a knife to his throat and hold him hostage until I could get back here." Jesse looked disgusted and clearly didn't believe me. "See for yourself. There he is." Jesse finally saw Paul unconscious on the floor, with some burns and a little cut on his neck.

"Susannah, why did you do it, and why did you call me?"

"I called you before to see if you could get me out without it being necessary to sacrifice myself."

"You… really didn't…"

"No!"

"So why did you do it?"

"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." (A/N: MY CHALLENGE LINE!) "And did you see who else was there?"

"I wasn't exactly looking around."

"Maria Diego and Heather Chambers."

He didn't seem that surprised about Maria, since he had been fighting off her husband, but Heather's name was new. "Didn't you exorcize both of them?"

"And Felix. Paul brought them back somehow. Oh, speak of the devil's spawn and he moves." He'd started to stir. I held my fist above his head. Jack obligingly pushed it, a la the Three Stooges, and it connected beautifully. No more stirring.

"You really seemed to mean that speech. And you didn't exactly look like a martyr kissing him."

"Thanks. I'm glad you like my acting skills."

"I'm glad I have a girlfriend," Jack interjected suddenly, possibly saving my life, "because if I still had a crush on Suze, I'd be getting jealous right now. She didn't stop talking about you the whole time, Jesse." He almost did look a little jealous, but like he was trying to contain it. I was stunned for a moment. I wasn't expecting Jack, of all people, to be the hero in all this. It was totally random and not entirely true. He had no reason to say the thing about his girlfriend other than to rescue me, and I'd only been talking about little Leon Sherman the whole walk home. I knew a certain high-schooler getting something nice this Christmas. And Jesse believed it. He was a good actor, too!

"So you wouldn't mind if I made it impossible for him to kiss _anyone_?" Jesse tested.

"If you mean hurting him, I'm all for it. Just try not to break anything. Well, unless it's part of Paul."

Jesse wasn't kidding around anymore, as if he'd ever been. He used Maria's knife. Paul wouldn't be talking for a while either. Slash, slash, slash. His lips were almost sliced in half. Jack looked a little disgusted by the blood, but he was pretty mad at his big brother.

"Anyone up for a little internal bleeding for good measure?" I asked. The men nodded their agreement. "Banzai!" I jumped on his stomach. "Still wanna kiss me now, Paul? Still want my body?"

"What?"

"Oh… he was going to give Heather my body."

"He was going to kill you?"

"You didn't know that part and you sliced his mouth in half? Run, Paul, run! Oh wait… you can't. Too bad for you. Anyway Jesse, he wanted to put Heather in my body. That was why I had to get all… ya know… seductive. To convince him he'd rather have the original. Doubt he'd rather anymore, though. So what are we supposed to do with him now?"

"Drug him," suggested Jack.

"Kill him," suggested Jesse.

"No! I can't kill him!" Jesse stared ironically. "The last thing I need is for him to be super-strong and invisible and never there to other people and be able to get through walls, etc!" Jesse acknowledged this.

"911, then," decided Jack. Good idea.

I dialed 911 and handed the phone to Jack. He started crying pretty convincingly. "Help me! My brother, he kidnapped me, and his friend Suze, and then he, he tried to…" Jack broke into sobs and handed the phone to me. He nicely tried not to grin since it'd mess with my concentration.

"H-hello? Please help! His name is Paul Slater! He kidnapped Jack an' me and tried to rape me, and then made my patients believe I was c-crazy and I got us home and he's u-un-unconscious on my floor and I think he's hurt but I really care about him or at least I did before—before—this! He already had broken bones, it was on the news, but now I think he tried to attack someone else too!" I sobbed into the phone, then gave them my address. They assured me that they'd be right over. Jack and I danced around the body for a while, while Jesse looked on, laughing. The doorbell rang and Jesse sat on the couch he usually avoided; Jack gave a loud sob. I opened the door and turned around, saying "It's OK now, Jack, the police are here."

"He was gonna kill Suze, officers!"

"Jack! Shh!"

"He was, he was gonna! So I hit him on the head!"

"Jack! Stop it! You're gonna get Paul in more trouble!"

"I don't care! He deserves trouble! He kidnapped us, Suze!"

This kid was good!

They picked Paul up on a stretcher. "Do you know where this cut on his neck came from?"

Think fast, Suze, they won't find the weapon. I tried to sound sheepish. "I-I bit him."

"You… bit him?"

"He-he was holding my-my head to his neck and I-I didn't know what to do, so I-I-I…" Jesse looked disgusted for a moment, but I looked at him, made a face, and shook my head. The officers, of course, totally misinterpreted my actions as my disgust at reliving the memory. They didn't even ask about his lips. "I tried to call my patient, Linda Cleary, to cancel, and I started to say I'd been kidnapped, but then he took the phone away and said I was insane and pretending to be a psychologist, but I worked for almost a decade for my license and it's not true… could you tell them he was lying? Please?"

"Don't worry about a thing, was it Suze?"

I nodded. They took Paul out on his stretcher and left. "I'm glad that's over."

"Not for me," Jack interjected. "Suuuze? I got nowhere to stay. I'm not going back to his place. Can I stay here?"

I patted his head a little harder than it looked like I was. "Of course, Jack."

"Can I sleep in your bed with you?"

"You're so funny, Jack."

"Worth a try."

I had to laugh, though. I plopped down on the couch with Jesse. "This has been a terrifying ordeal. I'd hate to have to murder such a small child."

"I am not a small child! I'm a man!" He flexed his muscles. I laughed again.

"You really know how to cheer me up, Jack. Just keep hitting on me, it's pretty funny."

"So what is it about me? My debonair charm? My rugged good looks? Is it how manly and tough I am?" I collapsed laughing.

"Alright, you can stay. But you sleep on the couch."

"Aaw!" Jack looked at Jesse intently.

"Yes, Jack?"

"How come you aren't all jealous like you are to my 'brother'?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can hit on your girlfriend all day but you don't seem the least bit threatened. Geez, I don't have to _kiss_ her do I?"

"You are a strange boy, Jack."

Jack puckered up and leaned in.

"Cooties!" I yelled, and hit him with a pillow.

"That's why," explained Jesse.

"Oh. You spoil everything, Suze." He hit me with a pillow. Jesse brought out Al Franken's "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them". Hardback. Jack screamed girlishly and hid under a table.

"Jack?" I called.

"What?"

"That was a joke, right?"

He came out and looked disgustedly at me.

"Well I wouldn't put it past you to sound like that. 'Oh, Suze, she kidnapped me! I'm so glad you're here, Suze!'"

Jack pouted and hit me kind of hard with his pillow. "How are you not threatened, Jesse?"

"Oh, yeah," I agreed. "Lot of competition there. Good looking, smart, funny, everything you're not, Jesse." I thought a moment. "Oh, wait, I think I have that backwards."

"Bitch," muttered Jack.

"What did you call her?"

"Umm… I called her… a charming intelligent woman?"

"That's what I thought you said."

I yawned widely and looked at the clock. Oh good lord. It was only noon.

A/N: I wrote that "'Oh, Suze, she kidnapped me…" b4 I had read "Oh, no Paul, don't Paul!" in Twilight which, btw, I quote incessantly between hysterical laffter. (rereads this line before posting and starts laffing hysterically all over again) IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE? THAT IS NOT WHAT I SOUND LIKE! Review please, you people! My rockin' reviewers… TRALALA!


	15. News, and repeat presentations

A/N: I finished Twilight. :dies: I was sobbing in the middle of Geometry and I had 2 leave skool early. No more Jesse. I'm breaking up w/ him and sending him back 2 Suze. My turn 2 b selfless. :sniffles: but I miss him… and I should call Paul, but I just… I'm not really in2 it nemore. Well, yet. But I'm ready 2 work on my fic s'more. Nuffin 2 do w/ the 6th book, tho. Well, we find out sum'n in this chappy that even _I_ didn't know. Pretty kool, pretty kool. And then something I wasn't expecting happens. This story is getting out of my hands. But, true to form, REVIEW RESPONSES!

1st, of course, the people who have me on FAVVIE AUTHORS and FAVVIE SOTRIES and AUTHOR ALERT and SOTRY ALERT… u people rox m'sox!

nikki007: tyvm! I liked it 2. now back 2 the action… AGAIN. :sighs: I'll never b a good author if I keep skipping 2 the good bits steada makin' the rest good… lolz, but then again, it IS just a fan fic… :-D

Alenor: nothing 2 say 2 that xcept… :-D

Koizak: My sentiments exactly:-D

Buffyrox16: yay 4 giggling! I hope I have gigglz in like evry chappy… xcept mebe one of the 20 somethings, which si basically serious… but then… well, I shan't spoil ne more… :-D

GroovyBananas: I understand… thx :-D

QuidditchMoke: OK, basically, Jesse was saying that she shouldn't pay so much attention to Paul because it was what he wanted… and jesse's all "but you're always, 'oh no paul! Don't paul!'" and suze is all "I don't sound like that! Do you think I sound like that?" I would look it up, but if I GLANCE at that book, or anything ABOUT that book… I go nuts! Lolz+hayley. That's my new thing 4 "lol" cuz I nicknamed lolly "lolz"… fits, huh? Lol. Paul has not yet BEGUN to fight… but that _would_ be reason 4 him 2 be mad at jesse, eh? That explains a lot about the later bits, actually… tahnks 4 pointing it out… sometimes I don't know y my chars act the way they do… HAHA HECK NO THAT WASN'T THE END! I'M STILL WRITING AND I'M ON CHAPPY 30! Hehehehe… well, time 2 post! Hurrah! Kid with boxers over his shorts… my friends r weeeeird… :-D

* * *

Things settled down a bit, mostly, with "Paulie" in the hospital, and soon Jack had to leave. There was still the ever-present matter of Heather and Maria. Luckily, I had Jesse now. He wouldn't leave my side, which annoyed me to no end. Kidding. It was really nice to have him there. I went with him to visit Claire, but their conversation around me seemed strained. Maybe it was just always strained. I'm not the suspicious type, though. No sirree bob. Anyway, she looked even more injured than the last time I'd seen her, thanks of course to Felix. But today was different. She was grinning. "Suze! I'm glad you're OK! And I have some big news!" 

"Does it involve anyone dying?" I asked.

"No, the opposite!"

"New baby? Who?"

"Me!"

"Oh, that's great! Umm, wait, who's the father?"

She looked at me like I was a moron. I get that a lot. Could that mean anything? Naah… "Tim, of course!"

"But how did Tim…"

"I've been pregnant since a bit before he died, but I never bothered to get tested with all the… him… you know… and stuff."

"Wow, that's great! So how far along are you?"

"Four months! The baby showed up on the tests!" Wow. Four months and I hadn't even noticed? How "little" was she _before_? And why wasn't Jesse the least bit surprised? Guess he knew already… why did that make me feel kind of funny? No reason, I guess. Tim was beaming so widely it looked like the ends of his grin would meet in the back and the top of his head would fall off.

"Aaw, what a happy moment!" said a voice suddenly appearing behind me.

"What do you want, Heather?"

"You. You're coming back with me."

"Umm… no… I don't think I am…"

"You are."

"The knife to my throat won't work this time." I gestured to Jesse.

"But what about one to hers?"

Maria was standing there with her knife to Claire. I swore.

"Alright, I give. Get rid of the knife and I'll go." Totally bluffing. I never give in that easily. Cold metal pressed against the side of my head.

"Yes you will." Great. Jesse couldn't stop a gun in time. Now I might actually have to go.

"But Paul's in the hospital!"

"He was released."

"What? In his condition?"

"He's healed enough to get around on his own, when matters are… urgent as they are," clarified Maria.

"What about jail?"

"He posted bail. No one was hurt, except _him_, so he got out." Heather was grinning again.

"Spiffy. Congrats on the baby. Gotta go now." We walked outside. "But if anything happens to those three, or anyone else for that matter, I'll find a way out, and you'll all pay. No need for the blindfold, what good'll that do?"

"I've told you I'm not a fool, girl." Maria blindfolded me, and this time, spun me around.

"Excuse me," came a stranger's voice. "What are you doing?"

"I'm spinning around. It's quite fun, you should try it sometime." I assumed he was giving me an odd look, but I didn't care. Then to disorient me some more, they picked me up and brought me to the middle of the street. Heather was slightly less giggly now that she knew her "Paulie" would abandon her at a pin drop, but she knew my kissing act wouldn't work twice. We got to somewhere, I couldn't tell where, but we got there, and they took the blindfold off. There was Paul. My jaw dropped. How was he not dead yet? He looked horrible. His lips were… wow. Bad. Ghastly. The blood was gone and now it was all too visible. And he couldn't talk, clearly. He'd be a pushover, but I had to not kill him. As a ghost, he'd be way harder to deal with.

"Don't think about doing anything," Heather advised me. "Felix is back at the hospital."

Well. That was great. Now what? I couldn't call for Jesse. Felix'd know he was gone. (A/N: Wow… They've got Suze here… really don't know what's gonna happen…) "Now what?"

"Now we suck your soul out, and put mine in!" Heather bopped around excitedly.

(A/N: Rubs eyes… what is she gonna do? I need a ghost… wait... Twilight didn't happen… :thinx:) Who could I call? My dad! _Dad,_ I beckoned in my head.

He came! I shushed him with a look. How to fill him in? "So what are you going to do to me?"

"I just told you, idiot! We're going to take your soul out and put mine in!"

"But wouldn't that be like… killing me?"

"Umm… DUH!"

My father spoke. "Hey, is this the Enemies of Suze Simon Convention?"

"Umm… I guess…"

"She uh, killed me. Yeah, in a car accident. Give me a chance at her before you kill her."

"You can't bruise her body!"

"Oh, what I'm going to do won't leave a bruise."

"Fine…"

Good thing they weren't looking at Paul, who'd be making sound if he could.

Dad went to untie me. "What are you doing?" demanded Maria.

"You'll see." He finished untying me. "Oh no, she got away!" he exclaimed before I'd even had a chance to run. Yay! I ran, alright. But not to the hospital, and not to my apartment. Too easy. I ran somewhere they wouldn't think to look. I ran to…

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Thought about telling u where she ran 2, but decided not 2. Hehe. Oh, gosh darnit, REVIEW YOU PEOPLE! Hehe I lurve u all. XXXOOO Especially Paul Flowers, my (INCREDIBLY ANNOYING) fiancé, and my boyfriend Josh if he EVER READS THIS and of course Jesse de silva, if Josh _doesn't_ read this. Lol. 


	16. Where Suzie ran

Hi all! Not much time 2 write… I'm going away for 3 weeks and I just wanted 2 post this chappy 1st… so, reviews!

LlamaDuck: thanx:grins: I'm waiting (impatiently) for your next review! Did I mention I luv ur name?

Mrs. Nikki Slater: lol funny that you want him to both die and marry you… actually, not that strange… I feel the same way. (lol.)

Koizak: one way to find out… REVIEW! Oh, and read the story, too… but reviewing's better. Well, not relaly, BUT STILL!

Alenor: well, if u want to know how a cliffy ends up, JUST REVIEW, PEOPLES! Lolz u seem 2 have that lesson down… but sum don't.

katiekat19: lol, YEAH that's som'n to me! It's like, the whole point of writing, practically! Except for the writing bit, which is fun too! I heart reviews. Tyvm!

znadias24: u wuz thinkin' bout m'story:beams: I feelz s'speshul! Keep on reviewing, and I keep on postin'!

pidgy: lol. And I count by reviews. The voices in your head are welcome. With, or without, ego-emily.

Thanx loads to all my author alerts, story alerts, reviewers, favorite authors, and favorite stories! YOU PEOPLE ROX M'SOX OFF!

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OK the thing is… I get so off topic, I'll start out and end up 2 billion thingies l8er. Like, poor suze gets kidnapped 2ce in like 2 chappies. And now it goes from running away 2 a tour, and I'm not done yet… OMG, I wuz thinking about stuff 2 do, and I relaly like where it's going. Fun stuff! Wow… I keep being shocked when I go 2 work on this and c how far back it starts! O, and at some point I decided 2 try 2 put in all my ficcy friends, more on that l8er. Got 1 in this chappy. Grl originally named robin, but I changed it. U shall c wut it iz.

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I ran to Gina's. She had an apartment in Long Island. OK, so I didn't actually "run" there, but I'd brought my wallet. Point is I got there. I buzzed. "Gina," I whispered into the speaker. "It's me! Let me in!" She did.

Her hair was currently semi-normal since she'd had to get a job. It was platinum blonde and came to her waist. For work, she wore it up, but outside of work she found fun things to do with it. Like pipe cleaners. But today she clearly hadn't expected anyone, so she had it down. "You are telling me everything, girl, and _now_."

"Umm… well… two, no, three ghosts I exorcized came back and Paul promised one of them he'd kill me so she could have my body and Jesse can't come get me because he has to stay with Claire."

Gina closed her eyes. "Why can't you have been hiding drugs or something like my other friends? I mean, not that they are, but still, how can I help you with that? And wait, I know Jesse, but do I know Claire?"

"No, she was one of my patients and now we're friends but she's in the hospital and Diego's in there threatening her and I don't know if she's even OK." Gina opened her eyes. "So whatcha gonna do? Don't tell me you're gonna sit here and wait it out. I know you better than that. What's your plan?"

"Gina? Do you have… hair dye?" Gina grinned.

"You know I do. So what'll it be? Blonde? Red? Black? Pink?"

"Got any your color?"

She went to a drawer in her bathroom and pulled it out. Gina dyed like an expert. A little foundation, some bright red lipstick and sunglasses, and I was hardly recognizable. I borrowed some of Gina's clothes, and I might have been her if she cut her hair. "Off to the hospital, then." We stopped at an ATM and found our way back to the hospital. Gina signed us in under her name. We went into Claire's room. The boys were sitting, trying to think but not daring to do anything. Diego was standing by Claire with a knife at her neck. No one recognized me. Jesse gave me a second glance, but then stopped looking. It might've been that he didn't want to recognize me because he knew he wasn't supposed to. Dunno. "Claire!" shouted Gina, who no one recognized either. Jesse should have, but he hadn't seen her with her new hair. And he'd never seen it down. She walked over to the side of Claire's bed where Diego happened to be. I went around to the other side where he wasn't. I talked very slowly so no one would recognize my voice. "Wow… Claire… What… happened…?"

She obviously racking through her brain for a name to my new look. I reached towards her and knocked the knife away from him. I grabbed Diego's knife and reached toward him with it. "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." While he puzzled over this, I sliced his head off. Yeah, sliced it clean off. Well, not clean, but there it was. Then I threw the head out the window. Never done that before. But why not? Couldn't kill him, and even if I could, they couldn't arrest me. Then I jabbed the knife into the gut that was still there. Why not? Claire threw up. "Sorry, Claire." Tim, jaded by decades of movies, only cared about Claire, and he thanked me. Jesse looked shocked. Gina had seen me jabbing an empty hand through the air then walking and putting nothing threw the window while randomly quoting a book, or movie depending which you're familiar with, so she just looked confused. Then I realized no one knew who I was. I took the sunglasses off to reveal my emeralds. "Did you guys really think I'd leave you?"

"_Querida_!" exclaimed Tim. Kidding. Jesse. I ran to him. He kissed me! In front of three people, one of whom couldn't even see him, he finally kissed me! That was beyond pleasant.

"Feel like telling me what just happened?" Gina whispered to Claire. I was only vaguely aware that people were talking in the room. I was mainly focusing on Jesse.

"Who are you?" Claire whispered back.

"Suze's friend Gina. Any idea what just happened?"

"Suze took Diego's knife and cut his… she cut his head off… and threw it out the…" she paused to vomit again and Gina let her stop.

Jesse finally remembered where we were and pulled away, much to my chagrin. Gina covered her mouth and went, in this really low voice, "Where's… my… head?"

And I responded "Down… in the welllll." And we started laughing uncontrollably. "Oh, right. Introductions." I sat on the headless ghost. "People, Gina. Gina, Claire," I gestured toward the bed, "Jesse," I gestured toward his chair, "and Tim." I gestured toward an empty chair. She made introductions and couldn't understand why everyone laughed when she greeted Air Tim.

Then Jesse said what everyone was clearly thinking. "Susannah, what have you done to your hair?"

"Dyed it to match Gina's. Couldn't have anyone recognizing me, could I? How do I look?"

Everyone was silent, which spoke volumes.

"Yeah, thanks, I'm thinking of making it permanent." I was lying, of course, I had no such intention. I was gonna wash it out as soon as Paul wasn't a problem. But the looks on their faces were priceless. Including Gina's, which was a little unfair. But then the moment came we'd been waiting for. The backup crew. It had taken them a while since the ghost women couldn't leave Paul, but they'd gotten into the hospital. I shoved my glasses back on and put an urban, above it all look on my face (well, I hoped that was what it looked like, anyway), and stood quickly away from Diego's body. "Wow… who's… he…?" I asked Claire, ignoring the rest of the room.

"Some guy. Never seen him before in my life. Pretty bad look, though." This was the first time Claire had seen him since the unfortunate accidents which… ah hell, since Jesse and I beat him up. I thought she handled it quite well. "Who let you into this room?"

Heather spoke for him and I pretended not to hear her. "Suze got out." Paul jabbed her with the elbow she'd been supporting and promptly fell to the floor. Gina and I moved to help him up like we didn't see the women, which Gina actually didn't. "I mean, we lost… I mean, Suze isn't, I mean, what the hell is that?"

"That was Diego," Jesse explained, "after I got his knife." Paul's face attested that Jesse could commit violent crimes, even though in general he didn't.

"Can it talk?" Gina asked, gesturing toward Paul.

"Not at the moment," Claire explained. "I think he got into a nasty accident with an organ grinder and a disgruntled monkey." Paul couldn't protest, and presumably Gina and I couldn't see the other two, so he had to accept this. Tim guffawed, Jesse tried not to laugh, and Gina nodded sagely.

"Seriously though, if you don't know him, should he be in here?"

"No, probably not. Nurse!" She hit a little call button. "There's a weird man in my room! At least, I think it's a man! Could be a tragically injured yeti." I laughed and moved to the other side of the room. If I touched any of the ghosts, my cover'd be blown for sure. Soon, a nurse escorted yeti-boy out of the room, Heather glaring behind, Maria dragging her husband's body, ostensibly off to look for the matching head. That was done, but I couldn't go back home.

"So… Claire… I'm in… town… but I got… nowhere… to stay…"

"Oh… that's right… you're welcome at my place! But it'll be under construction once I'm out of the hospital. 'Cause of the baby!"

"Oh, thanks! Where is it?"

She wrote an address on hospital paper and a thought occurred. "Oh, hey, could you babysit my little Monica? She's been staying at a friend's but I don't want to impose any more. You can always send her off if she's too much."

"Oh no problem! Maybe I can help her a little on her… ya know… thing."

Claire beamed like the girl on the cover of the first Fruits Basket. "Oh, would you? Buy whatever you want to eat and stuff, and consider it all paid back!"

I looked at the address. "Hey… you live uptown, huh? Nice."

"Tim can give you the tour! Hey, umm… Ginny, was it?"

"Gina."

"Oh, sorry. You're welcome to stay there too!"

"No thanks, I got a place in Long Island."

"What?" I acted offended. "You think I just drag people up from California or something just because I got kidnapped?" My cell phone rang. "CeeCee, _not_ a good time! Call back later! Yes, I know long distance bills and… oh, fine! Whaddaya want?"

"What _happened_?"

"Why do you think something happened?"

"Because Adam told me!" The three of us had drifted out of touch after graduation, but after we met up at the 5 year reunion, we all got together again, and CeeCee and Adam _really_ got together. They'd been together for the past 5 years, and they'd married a year ago. CeeCee was, get ready for a shock, a REPORTER, and Adam was a photographer. But not for a newspaper, for a magazine.

"And how did Adam know?"

"Because apparently _Brad_, of all people, told him!"

"And who told Brad?"

"He wouldn't say."

Oh. Of course. Someone dead. I'd found out Brad had mediator powers in our junior year, when he walked in on Jesse and me. No, not doing _that_, he wouldn't do _that_ until I was 18, but kissing, and he'd acted with all brotherly disgust instead of thinking I was kissing air.

"So what _happened_?"

"Oh… nothing… Paul kidnapped me twice and tried to kill me and Jesse tragically disfigured him."

"_WHAT_?"

"Yeah. I'll fill you in later, I'm not alone right now. I'm actually in a hospital. Oh, and Gina's here. Wanna say hi?"

"Umm… what? Oh, sure."

I handed the phone to Gina and reviewed my conversation from the point of view of everyone else there. Interesting as usual. Gina went into some detail about what she knew, which wasn't much, but it seemed to satiate CeeCee's curiosity for a while because Gina eventually got to hang up. "Wow. OK. So… what now?"

"I guess… uh… you want me to go get Monica?"

"That'd be great!" She wrote down another address and handed me a key from her purse. "Tim can take you. I need Jesse here. I love you, Timmy, but… well… you against them in a fight… well, I don't want you to get hurt." Tim said he understood and we left.

After Gina had split, I brought up what I'd been thinking. "Hey Tim, you don't find it… suspicious about Jesse and Claire, do you?"

"Naah… if Claire were gonna cheat, she'd go with someone a little less… dead."

"Yeah. I guess. So where's Monica?"

"She's at her little friend Lolly's house. We go left here." It was a long walk, but I'm not made of money. And I'd worn tennies today, so I could deal. We finally walked up to a gated community with a man in the guardhouse. Shoot.

"Hi! I'm a friend of Claire and T—of Claire Steinback. I'm here to pick up Monica?"

"Name?"

"Suze Simon."

"You're not on the list."

"List?"

"No one approved your entrance."

"Oh, hold on a sec, Suze, I'll be back," Tim assured me. I had been going to climb the fence or something, but whatever. His way was better. He dematerialized for a minute or so. The phone rang inside the guardhouse, and I heard my name. The guard, seeing that I was still there, shouted that I could go in and opened the door. I went in and waited by the inside with no idea where to go. Finally, Tim came back and brought me to Lolly's house. I rang the doorbell.

"Hi. I'm a friend of Claire's. I'm gonna be house-sitting and baby-sitting for Monica."

Monica ran into the room. "Dr. Simon!"

"Hey Monica! I'm gonna be staying at your house with you for a while while your mom's in the hospital, OK?"

"OK!" She skipped out and led the way for me and her beaming father. Once she was a bit in front of us, she stopped skipping and said, in a low voice, "Tonight." Then she ran back toward me looking scared.

"What happened?"

"He's planning something."

"What's he planning?"

Monica just shook her head. I subtly exchanged glances with her father and thought of something.

"So your mother said she was afraid you'd gotten the idea for ghosts from her?"

"He's not an idea."

"I know he's not, but is it true that she mentioned ghosts?"

"She said my father was watching me."

"Yes, and I wanted to clear that up. She meant from heaven. He's watching over you from heaven, and protecting you." I didn't believe a word of this, especially concerning Tim as he was strolling along next to me, but she pondered it for a while and stuck close to me for the rest of the walk, which turned out to be short because she lived in the same neighborhood. I let us in. "So, can I have a tour of the house?" She proved to have gotten her grin from her mother.

"This is the foyer." Wow. A foyer. Classy. It wasn't historical-ish like my high-school house or modern like Paul's. It was just… nice. Chandelier nice. Marble floors nice. _Nice_ nice. She showed me around the house. No pets. Just general niceness. It'd be hard to be a kid around here…

"Hey Mon, you got anything fun to do around here? Games? Anything?"

"Umm… we could play chess…"

"Chess?"

"Yes." She got out a little glass chess set and carefully set up the pieces. My knowledge of the game consisted mostly of "the horsey moves like an L" so to challenge herself, she apparently decided to capture every single one of my pieces _before_ winning, which meant she had to avoid checkmate multiple times. Tim was lying on a crisp and clean white couch, laughing so hard he was crying. Monica was containing a grin. "I liked playing against my father better." Tim looked up. "He was so good at the game. I wish you were somehow playing as well as he did."

Couldn't say no to that. Just couldn't. "'Kay." We played another game with Tim telling me how to move.

At first he was saying things like "Queen's rook to D7" or something like that, but he ended up pointing and saying "Move that horse two spaces forward and one to the left." It was a much better game. Monica looked a bit puzzled for a minute, but then evidently decided to let it go. It was a pretty fair game, actually, but "I" eventually won.

"Well, it's 9:00. I'd better get to bed." Wow. Weird kid. Heh. Like that was new information or something. "Goodnight, Doctor Simon."

"Hey Mon?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me Suze." She emulated her mother's big smile again. She showed me to the guest bedroom, and I saw her into her own room, where her father informed me that he intended to stay with her until she fell asleep, then go back to his wife. I fell asleep, as content as I could be without Jesse, and slept soundly for a few hours, until waking up with, for the umpteenth time in about 24 hours, a knife to my throat. Shit.

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I don't think u guys'll b xpecting wutzunna happn! Cuz I wuznt till I decided 2 write it! Yay 4 me! W00tw00t1!1!1!1111!11!1 omg!11!1!1 HAHAHAAHAHAHAQHAHAH whoah… srry… heh… 


	17. What NOW?

**General note to the public: If you are reading a chapter after the next one has already been posted, please feel free to review EVERY chapter you read. Even though there'll be a lot of your reviews all in a row. I love that. It's just like boom boom boom in my inbox and I'm thrice as happy. And the looonger the better. Really. A review can't be too long. As you can see, looking through my review box, you'll even notice that not all of the reviews have ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY STORY. I would PREFER that it MENTIONED the story, but relaly, if it's that or no review, I like at least knowing you're reading. Ya kno? Neway… **

**Wow, lol, chappy 16 has gotten more hits than any other since the 1st… and yet the least reviews. THREE reviews. Hmm… Come on…. YOU'RE SLACKING, PEOPLE! CHOP CHOP! Haha just kidding no really review PLEASE? Anyway. To those wonderful, wonderful people who DID review… **

**Mrs. Nikki Slater: **What a coincidence! I've recently been nicknamed (thanx, andrea t.) Emily de Silva OH MY GOD I FORGOT HOW YOU SPELL JESSE'S LAST NAME! AND JUST YESTERDAY I TYPOED AND MISSED AN S IN JESSE! **I'M** SLACKING:'( Right… review… anyway. Yay! I'm glad u like it. :grins:

**Alenor:** You shall immediately find out who is holding the knife. Bwahahahaha. And I think you might actually be surprised. Actually, you probably will be.

**AmethystHannah:** No problem… better late than never… :sighs: You think THAT was ridiculous? You have not SEEN ridiculous. Shut up, Emily, it's not just ridiculous… it's like a soap-opera… only vaguely funny… and the guys are hotter.

**Well, I guess YOU three are just extra-special, now, aren't you? I'd like to thank the NINETEEN people who have this story on favorites, and the SIX who have it on alert. As well as the thirteen people who have MOI on their favvies, and the NINETEEN who have me on alerts. Ty, all!**

**Where were we? Ahh, yes. Our Susie wakes up AGAIN with a knife to her throat. Bwah.**

I groaned. "Not tonight, Maria, I have a headache."

Then I heard a high, scratchy voice. "Who's Maria?"

My eyes popped open. "Monica?"

"She can't get to the phone right now, may I take a message?"

It was a butter knife, anyway. Not as easy to do damage with a butter knife as it is with a nice cleaver, but I didn't really want to give Monica's alter-ego murdering tips. "Who's Maria?" she asked again in her Scabbers voice.

"Oh, just this girl who's been trying to kidnap and kill me twice in the last day or so." The aim had been confusion. It worked. I took this opportunity to grab the knife and put it to the side, then roll over and hold Monica down. Of course I wouldn't hurt her, but she and "Scabbers" didn't know that.

"Now I'm going to perform a possessing demon exorcism." I was making this all up, and it wasn't quite regulation, but who cares? "Scabbers, you will leave Monica when I count to 3! 1… 2… 3!" Monica threw her head back like they do on movies when a demon's leaving a body. Whatever works.

"Oh, Suze, I'm so sorry!" She started sobbing.

"That's OK. He's gone now." I wasn't sure if it'd be permanent, but she'd put the knife down. I'd deal with it when I'd deal with it.

"Thank you, Suze!" She smiled weakly. "So who's Maria?"

"Oh, just this idiot woman who keeps waking me up."

"With a _knife_?"

"More or less."

"Oh." She digested this. "My mom's getting out tomorrow."

"That's great! I guess… I'm going home, then…"

She misinterpreted my despair at this prospect and gave me a hug. Kind of cute, actually.

"Goodnight, Mon."

"Goodnight, Suze." She said my name a lot. I guess she liked addressing an adult on a first name basis. Nickname, even. I went to sleep and woke up, for once, with no knife to my throat, but instead fingers running through my hair.

"Good morning, Leon." Not really. Just checking whether you were paying attention. I_ really_ said "Good morning, Jesse."

"Good morning, _querida_. I don't want to bring up bad news…"

"…but you will anyway." I finished.

"More or less. You realize that by now Diego will have told Slater what you did. And said. Do you suppose he's read the Princess Bride?"

"Wouldn't know. I just saw the movie."

"Oh, you should. The book is great, but for a girl like you, witty, modern, quizzical, The Princess Diaries is better. It's cute, funny, and the author is a goddess." :holds up copy: The Princess Diaries, by Meg Cabot, goddess of the world. Buy now, on sale. Number one best seller." (A/N: Whoooah of course that didn't just happen. You know I wouldn't _really_ call suze witty. :badum-_pum_: Now where were we?) "You should. It's a wonderful book. Of course, the movie might be more you." His eyes were twinkling like mad.

"Oh, very cute." Actually, 'cute' was a pretty good word for Jesse. Or sexy beyond all reason. Either works. "Oh, I hear Monica. Morning Mon! Did I wake you up?"

"No, I've been up for a couple of hours. 10:00 on Saturday morning?"

"Ooh, cartoons?"

"American History Documentary on the History channel. We're up to the 19th century! Once we hit the 21st, we get to go to primordial England!"

"Exciting. So what was it like in the 19th century?" I asked, because Jesse looked interested.

"They wore incredibly funny clothes. And they talked funny." She looked incredibly amused, maybe at my face. Jesse was looking at me wryly. I put my arm around him and tried to look like I was stretching or something. Monica found this incredibly funny.

"Claire gets out today," he informed me.

"Oh, that's right! Hey Mon, your mom's out today, huh?"

"Yups!" Cute.

Jesse informed me that she was on her way with Tim. "She sent me to tell you that they were getting ready to leave, but I didn't want to wake you. That was an hour ago, so they should be—" The car pulled up.

"That should be th—her now!" I exclaimed for Monica's benefit. She went running to the front of the house.

"Mommy!" Claire stepped out of her car, which was a Jaguar, by the way, walking stiffly (Claire, not the Jag) because of the cast thing under her shirt. Her head was in bad shape, but other than that she looked pretty good.

"Hey, Monny-cat!" She managed to give Monica a bear hug. "Hey Suze! So did she give you any trouble?"

"No, not at all!" I said, nodding vigorously over Monica's shoulder. "Perfect angel." I mimed a knife to the throat. Claire mouthed 'Ghost?' I shook my head and pointed at Monica. Claire's eyes widened. I smiled to show no harm done.

"Brilliant. So are you going back home? Because you're welcome to stay here as long as you like!"

"Nah, I'm gonna face my demons back at home."

"You mean Maria?" asked Monica helpfully. Claire walked stiffly up to me, turned around, faced Monica, and elbowed me. (A/N: I luv Claire!)

"Yes, Maria," I tried to save myself. "Why don't you tell your mom what you know about Maria?"

"She keeps waking Suze up. With a knife. What does that mean?"

"It just means… she… cooks for me! And… she clangs with the knife to tell me breakfast's ready!" She _seemed_ to believe this without question. Couldn't tell if she really did, though.

Jesse walked Claire inside and onto a couch, gentleman that he is, and came out to walk me home. Jesse was chuckling about something. When I asked him what was so funny, he just said "My name is Inigo Montoya…" and went back into silent laughter. I planted him one on the cheek and we went home. All was good until a week later, when my hair was brown again, Claire was feeling better, and Jesse and I passed Paul in the food court at the mall. He was looking better, unfortunately—I suspected a lot of money had gone into his looking that way—and was with his posse (of _live_ people, for once).

"Suze!" he called.

"Paul!" I gave him my biggest fake smile. Jesse immediately put a protective arm around me. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Suze, give it to me straight… why won't you go out with me?"

Tricky situation. I couldn't say I had a boyfriend no one had ever seen, not in front of Paul's little gang… Jesse was holding me maybe a _little_ tighter than he needed to. Got it! "Well, Paul, it might have something to do with how every time you ask me out and I'm about to say no, you try to get my sympathy or something by pretending to be beaten up by invisible people." Jesse smiled gratefully then grinned maliciously at Paul. Paul, having just barely survived Jesse's last temper tantrum, looked really, really scared. Yay! I thought of something, though. "But there's never a _mark_ or anything that _prove anything_." Jesse got my meaning and punched Paul in the gut. I'd have gone lower, but Jesse probably had honor and junk. Paul doubled over, and his friends looked at him, sickened that apparently their group leader was crazy. I bit my lip. This might be a bad time to crack up. I shook my head and ran away, into Tres Chic, where I ran into a fitting room and cried with mirth.

**A/N: Less ridiculous, at all? Naah… ahh, well… a little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest of men… of course, there are no men reading this… ARE YOU JOSH? Haha, doubt it. Well, josh is kind of a moron anyway. If he comments on the fact that I said that, I'll take it out. :grins evilly: It stays till he reads this. (josh is my boyfriend, uninformed chicas. And possibly Paul Flowers. Hey, if paul F.'s reading this, how's mariachi-a-gogo-land? Presumable land of jesse's heritage?) Haha, Clark Kent's mom on s. ville comes up to clark's chin! Hahaha! PLEASE REVIEW, MY LOVELY REVIEWERS! AND POSSIBLY PAUL FLOWERS! **


	18. We're OVER!

Hello, my little marshmallow chiclets! (did I steal that from lolly? If so, it was sooo longago.) Finally is my next chapter! I didn't get my usual numero of reviews, but I waited long enuff and so I FINALLY got one of my much-solicited reviews, and I posted. Or… am posting. Anyway.

REVIEW SPIFFIES:

**Mrs. Nikki Slater:** Sorry I didn't update very "soon"… I had my reasons… trust me… I did. Seriously. Keep reviewing, though!

**Alenor:** ty 4 reviewing and not like… badly… you know… "you SUCK! YOUR STORY SUCKS!" although you might start saying that… nowish.

**Brat is a Rose:** thank you, thank you! Sorry this wasn't really "soon"… see above.

**mandieC:** big smiles! That is all:-D

**moovalous3:** a story just isn't "reviewed" until catie reviews… at least, that's how I ended up thinking, somehow… lol. BELIEVE me I sympathize about being late with the posting… heh.

And **phishphood:** FINALLY! And no, for the LAST time, I was NOT thinking about YOU and other jesse when I wrote this! I have officially revoked his title of "jesse" anyway. Although he can still have the scar and deadness if he wants. Just not the ghost bit.

Superthank you to everyone who has me on alert or favorites, or the story on alert or favorites, you are the rockinest people who ever were not meg cabot. Or myself. Ell oh ell. Alright! Time to post! And maybe work a bit on chapter 30… or 31… yes, I think I'm ready to start 31. yes, it WILL be that long, but I'm thinking only 1 or 2 more chapters after that… if you hate me, review and tell me WHY! Same if you lurve me! Same if you are totally indifferent to me! Please review? Please? I am in sheer desperadoes! Ell oh ell.

2 b honest, I had absolutely no idea what was going on through the beginning of this chapter. The good bits can't happen till at least a week l8er. So I'm putting some conflict in. I'm in the mood for either excessive violence, or kissing. Could go either way. Or both, if I can swing it. Don't get your hopes up, though. :-D THIS JUST IN! this has gone from "filler" to "major plot turning point." Naturally, since I can't get through a DAY without having some MAJOR, LIFE-CHANGING EVENT! Well, maybe not. But whatEVER. Anyway… you're about to hate me even more than usual…. And finally… the ACTUAL STORY. After 1 ENTIRE page of intro.

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A couple of days later, Jesse was helping Claire out at home. I was (re)reading the Harry Potter books. Suddenly, there was the sound I had come to recognize of a lock being opened from the inside and the door opening. "Go away!" I called, with no doubt as to who it was. 

He walked in. "Hey, _Inigo_. Diego came cryin' to me with something about the daughter of one of the idiots he killed. Was it the William Golding? Or the movie?" He flashed his million dollar smile, earning a scowl from me. "So, you haven't been alone for quite a while."

"I know. Jesse's helping Claire out."

He raised his eyebrows. "Is he, now?"

"Don't bother, Paul, I trust him."

"I see. Like he trusts you."

"He does trust me!"

"Should he?"

Silence. He had me there. "I don't mean to pry…"

"Too late."

He just smiled. "I do not mean to pry, but you don't, by any chance, happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"

"Do you always begin conversations this way?" I pulled the covers over my head. "Go away."

He pulled the covers off. "No." He got into the bed and pulled the covers up over us both. I whined and went to get out of bed, only to find my arm being held in.

"What do you want, Paul?"

"Well, I want to screw you, put Heather in your body, and screw both of you."

I bit my cheek scowling. "Well, as to the first part, no. The second part, no. Third part, definitely not. Never gonna happen. Get away from me."

"What's that you say? Come closer? Well, if you insist."

"No!" I hit his hand and pulled my arm away.

"Come on, Suze, you know you want to."

I stalled for time. "In your family, I'd rather screw your brother. Then your father. Then your mother. Then your grandfather's friggin' corpse." Only I didn't say "friggin'". "Then anyone else I could possibly think of, then… kill myself with an Atom Bomb."

This seemed to amuse him vastly. Well, great. I threw the covers off, never mind that I was in my stupid pajamas again, though at least this time they were comfy and warm instead of just cute and thin. (A/N: Kissing or violence? Hmm…) I stalled more. "So how'd you get the ghastly ghostly trio?"

"Shifted through time and brought them back from the Shadowland." I tried not to look too shocked at this. "But you can stop stalling now. You're only prolonging the inevitable."

"It's perfectly evitable, and I want to prolong it indefinitely." He chuckled and moved to pin me. While I fought him off, I worked on the best course of action. I'd have to call a ghost, but who? I didn't want Jesse to see anything that might hurt him more, and Tim was out since he and Jesse were friends. You don't call your dad for this kind of thing, either. By the time he finally managed to stick his tongue in my mouth, I had decided, albeit reluctantly, on who to call. The response was almost immediate.

"Paul!"

Paul broke away immediately, even though I involuntarily followed his head up a bit. "Heather! I… It's not what it looks like!"

My, how the tables had turned. "Not what it looks like? You mean you weren't just pinning this whore to the bed? How _dare_ you!"

I suddenly had a breakthrough. If I could break them up, Paul would rather have weak-willed me in my body than strong-minded Heather, who could oppose him properly! I assumed my best "Heather" voice. "Paulie! She just called me a whore! Are you dating her or something?" Straight face, Suze, straight face. This was very much not what either one had expected.

"I… uh… what?"

"Are you going to let that bitch call me a whore?"

"Are you going to let that whore call me a bitch?"

Paul looked back and forth between us.

"Paul!" we both exclaimed at once. Although I came in slightly late, making sure to match her words. "It's either _her_ or me!" Paul stared, agape. This was clearly not how he'd pictured his day going.

"I… um… what about Jesse?"

I made my face one of pain. "We broke up. I didn't want to say anything… to you… I was… trying to play hard to get… because… I know you like that."

"I… wow… wait, no! I'm not falling for the same thing twice!"

I sighed exaggeratedly. "I was kissing you that time when I saw Jesse behind you. I tried to turn the tables when I found the knife in my pocket. I had to be mean or he'd dump me! But he has anyway." I made my best sad puppy dog face. "And now I can't have you and I don't even have Jesse anymore…" I trailed off and rubbed my eyes. "I've ruined everything!" Learning how to fake cry had been possibly the best use of my time that didn't involve Jesse. And I was subtly making sure that even if Jesse came in again, he could recognize anything I said as a flat-out lie.

"Don't you even try it, little missy!" This was funny, as the speaker was still a teenager and I was the better part of 30. "Paul is _mine_!"

"Did it _look_ like he was yours when you came in?"

"I bet you tricked him into it!"

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

"Did not!"

"Did so!" This was going nowhere fast. But she saved it. "Paulie, tell her you like me better. Tell her you think she's ugly and stupid and her ass is too big!"

"Suze, I think you're… I think… you're… gorgeous and your ass is perfect."

"What!"

"What happened to 'smart'?"

"I wanted this to be honest…" I tried to muster a realistic sounding laugh. Paul squinted at me. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah… Just… rebounding."

"I see. Nice pictures of Jesse in the front room, by the way."

"Yeah…" As a grand gesture, I walked out to the front room and took both the pictures down.

"Here, let me help you with that." Paul took the ancient miniature and moved to tear it.

"Wait!" He raised his eyebrows like 'I knew it.' "It… umm… has historical value! I want to sell it… to a museum!"

"Aha. Well, this other one certainly doesn't." He went to tear it up.

"No! Umm… I like to have mementoes of my past boyfriends."

"Like who?"

"I only have one past boyfriend."

He snorted. "Anything of his you'll destroy?"

"Umm… he didn't exactly have _possessions_?"

"Fine. But how do I know you're really over?"

"Don't you trust me?"

"Nope."

"Oh. I see. Come on, though, Paul! I told you Jesse and I were over!"

Paul twirled his finger. I turned around. Uh-oh. Well, I hadn't called him, so Paul must have.

"Susannah…" His eyes were moving from me, to Paul, to the empty spot on the wall. "Dare I ask…"

"Oh… It's you…" I tried to sound unenthusiastic, which was hard, because… you know, it was _Jesse_. "I was just telling Paul how we'd broken up, but he doesn't believe me. Don't even _think_, Buster, about saying we're still together just to make Paul mad at me." Jesse didn't know what to make of this, but I turned toward him and gave him a pleading look.

"Wouldn't dream of it. And I'll be taking my pictures back. I was just off with Claire when _someone_ called me in." I wondered if he knew he had just saved the life of my pictures. I pouted a bit and handed them both to him.

"I was just gonna burn 'em anyway." Jesse took the pictures, shook his head, and disappeared.

"Stupid cowboy, huh?" Testing me, or trying to earn my sympathy? Probably the former.

Had Jesse really gone, though, or was he still hanging around? Given that I was alone with Paul and a _very_ disgruntled Heather, I went with the latter. "Yeah… I can't believe I really thought I _loved him and that he was the coolest guy ever!_ When clearly it's you, Paul. I mean, you're _smart_, and _funny_, and _hot_…" (A/N: Is this Suze talking or me? I'da included "rich" in there. But then, I think Suze is really talking about Jesse. I'm not. I hate Jesse. Hate him hate him hate him he SUCKS. Really… :sniffs: I do… Right… :sniffles: now where were we?)

"And alive?"

"Yes you are, Paul. And rich too." I tried to giggle. (A/N: since when is tina so EVIL? Oh.. sorry… that's the story going on in my head… I'll write it down someday. Apologies. Keep sidetracking m'self…)

"How 'bout a kiss to seal the deal?" Since he was being like this suddenly, I deduced that Heather had dematerialized.

I glanced around uncomfortably, but complied. Paul pulled away, though, when things started to shake. "You dumped her, Rico, you said so yourself. So stop acting like a jealous boyfriend."

"Yeah, Jesse, _stop acting like a jealous boyfriend!_"

Things just started shaking harder.

"Jesse, if you don't want to see kissing, you might not want to be here…"

"Yeah. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." I held back a grimace.

"Please, Jesse?"

"No, no, Suze." Paul was clearly enjoying this. Odd, since Jesse was his best friend… Not really… not even in Bizarro world. "You can't be polite to exes. You have to lay down the law. Suave, go play with Claire. Screw her husband. Well, not literally. Or do you swing that way? I always thought you did." Paul was carefully monitoring my expression.

"Uhh… huh… I… Jesse… Plea—I mean… leave. Ple—"

The things stopped shaking, but I wasn't sure whether he'd left. "Paul," I began suddenly, partly to avoid more kissing. "Do you like me?"

"Umm… duh…"

"He… he. But I mean, do you like me, _that_ way?"

"Suze…"

"Yeah?"

"Are we 10?"

"Sorry…" I was really trying to avoid the L word.

"Yeah, I like you that way, sure. But if you're lying about the cowboy, I'll come after him with a pitchfork. 'Kay?"

"Hah! Lying? About _Jesse_? No way… we're totally over. Anyway, I was trying to ask, do you like me enough to dump the bitch?"

"Depends. Which one?" His lips curled. "Kidding. I can get rid of Heather in a heartbeat. But I won't till I know you're for real. I'm not as stupid as you sometimes seem to think I am."

"But you won't… suddenly kill me?"

"Not if you don't give me reason…"

"But Heather. She might."

"Alright, alright, I'll get rid of Heather. I can always find another chick. And, if necessary, kill her and put her in your body. Heather's out." Everything started shaking again.

"Hold on… so what do you think of Heather?"

"She's a pretentious drama queen. She actually threatened to kill herself after the 'Suze Incident'. Like she didn't try that before. She's really just a ditz." Things were shaking overtime. Paul nodded, he seemed to have been thinking along the same lines. For no apparent reason, he kissed me. I think he knew Heather was there and felt like making her jealous.

The fire alarm sounded. Seemed like an earthquake, I guess. "Heather! Quit it! We know you're there, and you heard what Paul here said. He doesn't like you anymore. And I bet he never did! He just wanted a ghost for _my body!_ Now go away! Go move on!" She went visible and started crying. Shit.

"Please don't exorcize me again! I just wanted… I just wanted to talk to Bryce! I wanted him to listen to me! I wanted him to apologize! Please, Suze!"

"Wow… I… umm…"

"Suze, it's not our job to help lost souls. Particularly not our boyfriend's exes."

"I… I can't! Look, Heather, Bryce gave me his number at the reunion." She let out a fresh sob. "I can call him for you. Paul, call me, 'kay?"

Paul shook his head and left.

"So, Heather, you want to hurt Paul real quick?"

"Totally."

"Jesse, please." He popped in immediately. I dashed over, stopped myself, locked the door, and kissed him intensely.

"You were with Jesse the whole time?"

"The whole time."

"So why'd you make Paul dump me?"

"Would you rather have stayed with that backstabber permanently? And it's my _life_ we're talking about, anyway. But we're gonna help you talk to Bryce, OK?"

"OK…"

I put speaker on and dialed a number I found in my phone book. He picked up soon. "Hello?"

"Hi. Bryce?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Suze Simon."

"Whoah! From high school?"

"Yeah. Calling you on business, I'm afraid."

"Business? Weren't you a psychology major?"

"Hey wow you remembered… I meant a different kind of business, but I guess it's that too. I uh… This is gonna sound weird, but I'm calling long distance, so I'll make this quick." Too late. "I've got Heather here."

Heather's eyes shone. "Heather… who?" She bit her lip.

"Heather Chambers."

"She's dead," he reminded me flatly.

"Yes. And she's also standing here. Ghostifully. Let's get past that now."

"Suze… are you sure _you_ don't need a psychiatrist?"

Heather interjected here. "Say… Gucci."

"Umm… She wants me to say 'Gucci'. Does that mean anything to you?"

"What? Wait… wasn't she… she… was saving for… when she…" He trailed off.

"So what did you want to say to him?"

"That I'm sorry. And if I could do it over, I wouldn't have… done that. And maybe we'd still be together now…" she trailed off and started crying.

"Jesse… Can you…?" He nodded and tried to comfort Heather. I repeated what Heather had said and whispered into the speaker that she was crying.

"I… please… Heather… don't cry… I'm sorry too. I should have realized that you had… problems. I was… tactless. I'm sorry."

"Tell him I forgive him if he forgives me." I repeated this, and he, voice breaking, agreed. There was a flash of white light and she was gone.

"She's gone, Bryce. That's what she was waiting for."

"Suze… I don't know how you did that… but thank you…"

"It's my job. Regardless of what Paul says."

"Paul Slater?"

"Oops, I've said too much."

"I heard about him! He was dating… a girl I liked! You still know him?"

"Unfortunately."

"Hey, can you tell him I say I'm still not over Kaitie?" (A/N: So begins my quest to put all my ficcy friends' names in2 my ficcy!)

"Umm… sure… Nice talking to you, Paul."

"What?"

"I mean… Bryce. Sorry… We were just talking about… well, bye." (A/N: Paul was my typo, but I liked Suze saying it.)

"Paul, Susannah?"

"We _were_ just talking about him… Oh, come _on_ Jesse!"

"Speaking of whom… I was, as I'm sure you know, sitting in on your conversation. The more interesting parts included 'stupid cowboy', 'really over', and assorted compliments to Slater and insults to me. Any comments?"

"'Stupid cowboy' was Paul, and I couldn't exactly say 'He is not!', could I? 'Really over' was hardly an insult to you. It was a lie to Paul. And if you noticed, I said some things _pointed at you_. The emphasized bits? Hot, funny, and smart, for starters?"

"You think all those of me?" He was making that face again, the amused, raised-eyebrowed one. I thought some things about that face I don't think I'll print here.

"Saying 'I think' it makes it sound like an opinion, when clearly it's a fact." He just grinned. "Anything _else_ you'd like to analyze?"

"No, the rest was pretty clear. And there may have been… I don't know… a _reason_ why I was 'acting like a jealous boyfriend'?"

"I didn't say not to _be_ one… I said not to _act_ like one. Like I wasn't acting like a doting girlfriend. But I am. You know that, don't you Jesse?" I made a puppy dog face.

"Yes I do. But it would be nice if you not kiss other men in front of me? Like that? Especially _him_?" One quick shake of everything, but then it stopped.

"It would indeed be nice. But in case you haven't noticed, I'm alive." He looked unsure whether I'd slapped him, so I finished, "and I'd like to stay that way. And if that means kissing Paul…"

"Of course, _querida_." He was still frowning, though. I think I've stated before about when Jesse frowned. Still very true. I finally gave in and kissed him. Let's just say… those things I was thinking about before? Some of them happened.

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THE END, CHIKADEES. no, not of the story... just till u review... REVIEW! PLEASE! long is preferable, but i'll take anything! even one word! one letter! i just want reviews:makes puppy dog face: 


	19. That time again

**snorts yeah, yeah, I know, but it's my time of the month. So shut up.**

**OK, so I just reread this before I posted (and by the way, there were like NO reviews on that last! Ok, Before you start reading this, rest assured, that I SUCK. But I seem to do all my writing at the same time… of the month. BWAHAHAHAHHA! Eventually, I guarantee, I get out my aggressions entirely. I've currently started chapter… 31. New character comes in, ya kno, fun fun fun. This will end happily… or at least, my idea of happy (that tells you nothing whatsoever, trust me). But first, a series of unfortunate events, basically. WHEE! I hate the way I write, really I do, but no one else has said they hated me… (much). **

**Now normally, I wouldn't post after so pitifully few reviews… (and I know you're OUT there, I have a hit counter!) but… you know… thanksgiving weekend… good time for reading stuff… NOW FOR REVIEW RESPONSES! This is where you skip ahead if you feel like it.

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**Querida1607: **AHH! YOU CHANGED YOUR NAME! I didn't know if it was you so I had to check your e-mail address (which by the way does not match your penname at ALL, but I love it!) Oh, right, review! Oh trust me, there is PLENTY more. I'm glad you like it:-)

**Alenor:** To quote mike birbiglia (AAAHHH! HE E-MAILED ME!) that is so sweet:warm fuzzies: me feels good now! However, you might change your mind… :-(

**Tracy Sez:** Thanks! And yes, people change constantly with my mood. That's the mark of a good author, right? Right? RIGHT?

**Pens in potatoes:** Oh my Meg, it was so awesome to suddenly get like 10 e-mails going REVIEW ALERT! Those are totally my favorite e-mails that aren't from mike birbiglia and aren't announcing a new meg cabot book! But I gotta ask you: HOW did you KNOW that it was MY personality they were adopting? You're like, psychical! But yeah, in my non-fan-fic story, they all DO have my personality. Rather, different facets, though. Here is the next chapter, just for you! (and the other reviewers… and anyone else who reads the story!)

**AnOnYmOuS: **Lol, THANKS. (not sarcastic) better little reviews then none…

**At any rate... TO THE STORY!**

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The next few weeks, Jesse spent a lot of time with Claire, and I spent a lot of time with Tim. Yup, Jesse and Claire alone. But I trusted him. Like he trusted me? No, more than that… Anyway, I decided it'd be a really bad idea to tell Paul I'd been lying, so I called him finally. (Just a phone call, so no nonsense.)

"Look, Paul, Jesse and I… well… we're back together. I'm sorry, Paul. Oh, and about Heather?" Silence. "She moved on. Nonviolently."

"I see," he answered stonily. "Can I talk to _him_?" He said 'him' in almost exactly the tone of voice Jesse said it in. Only of course Jesse had just the slightest little accent. After a while, he'd started to lose it. His accent, I mean. But when I told him I found it unbelievably sexy, it had come back even stronger. Funny how that works. Then I realized I was supposed to be talking right about now.

"He's not here at the moment."

"Oh. Claire."

"Yes. But they're not doing anything. He's helping her out around the house. She says he's a great cook." Babbling again.

"He cooks for her, eh? And what have you been eating these days?" I didn't want to answer. The previous night I had had take-out. The night before it had been canned pasta. Before that, top ramen. And the night before, as a special treat, pizza. Jesse hadn't cooked for me in about two weeks. And I'd been seeing him less and less. "I thought as much. You wanna rethink your decision? 'Cause it seems to me he's trying to have the best of both worlds. Claire for fun and sex, and you for… well… when was the last time you two had either?" Actually, it had been the day of the previous Paul fiasco. But I didn't want to say that either. "I see. Well Suze, I'm always here. Even after I've killed you and put someone else in your body, I'd be glad to be in a relationship with your ghost as well as whoever's acting as you."

"Gee, thanks Paul; that means a lot to me. Oh, and Paul, I love you and Jesse means nothing."

"What?"

"Sorry, usually when I say something like that Jesse shows up behind me. Didn't work this time. Oh, but here's Tim. There we go, then. Toodles, Paul."

Tim managed to raise his eyebrow in a way that looked nothing whatsoever like Jesse _or_ Paul. He looked more like Jim Carey or something. "You're a very interesting person, Suze."

"Thanks. So what are you doing here?"

"Can't a guy come see his friend without being doing something?"

"Yes he can. So what are you doing here?"

"Claire and Jesse sent me."

"Did they now."

"Suze, look into my eyes for a minute." I looked up. "You have beautiful eyes, by the way… Jesse's right on that count. Can't agree with most of what he says about you… smart, funny, pretty… just don't see it." He grinned maliciously.

"Was there a point to this?"

"Yes. Look into my eyes. Jesse and Claire…"

"Yes?"

"Are not having an affair."

"What makes you think I thought that?"

"Well… there's the fact that YOU DO."

"Says who?"

"Says you. 'Ooh… Jesse and Claire are alone together? And he's cooking for her?' But you know it's nothing serious. He's just in it for the fun and sex."

"NOT FUNNY!"

"I disagree," he informed me between snickers.

"Be right back," I excused myself icily. I went into the bedroom for a moment and came back with a pillow, which I promptly threw at him.

He collapsed on the couch. "You are kind of like Claire. I guess I can see what Jesse sees in you. Both of you."

"It's _not_ funny!"

"Not very convincing when you're smiling."

"Shut up!" By now I'd collapsed onto the couch next to him. I have no idea why, maybe whoever writes the story of my life was in a funny mood or something, or maybe I was. But I kissed him. Deep. I don't know why. I'm just a slut, I guess. I pulled away once I realized what I was doing. Tim had this dazed look on his face. I turned around and saw… no one. That was a first. I had kissed another guy, and Jesse hadn't popped up. Or Claire, or Paul, or Maria, _anyone_. That _never_ happened! I didn't really know what to do now. "I'm… sorry…"

"No… I'm… I mean… don't be… I mean… what just happened?"

"I think I kissed you."

"That's what I thought. Might I ask why?"

Déjà vu… "I have no earthly idea."

"I… I love Claire… and… Jesse loves you… you know that…"

"I know. I don't know. I mean, I've been… it just really seems like… don't you think… and you were… and I wasn't… You know… I dunno…"

"Well, I'm glad we got that cleared up." I had to laugh. "You aren't going to do that again, are you?"

"No… I mean… do you want me to?"

"No… I mean… I don't know… I don't think so… I mean, Claire… and… Jesse…" Now _he_ was babbling.

"That wasn't as no-ish as it could have been."

"You're right."

So I kissed him again. And my old familiar luck returned. After about a minute of this, there was a clank. I pulled away quickly.

"Oh, please," said the person making the furniture clank. "Don't stop on my account."

Déjà vu full force. "Jesse," Tim began while I was fumbling for words. "It was my fault. She wasn't expecting it at all. I umm… pulled her…"

"Shut up, Tim. Jesse, it was my fault. I'm a horrible slut, apparently. Don't blame Tim. And if Claire finds out, make sure she knows it was me. Not Tim. Me."

"Suze, you need to stop talking. You would get in more trouble than I will. Jesse. Need to get your frustration out?" He pushed me off his lap, where I hadn't even realized I had been. "Take a punch. I won't fight."

"Are you going to believe that he did this or that I did?" Jesse still wasn't saying anything, which was scarier than if he had been. "Jesse, please talk… you're scaring me." Jesse sat down hard on the chair across from us.

"You know…" he finally began. "Ghosts don't normally get headaches. But I'm dating one. Go figure."

I stood up and sat next to him, fidgeting nervously. "Jesse, I'm sorry. Tim, I'm sorry."

"Jesse," Tim shook his head. "Sorry, man. Suze… yeah. Should I leave or would that be abandoning responsibility?"

I turned to Jesse, giving him a 'your choice' look. "Please leave." Tim disappeared immediately.

"Jesse… I don't know what to say."

He shook his head, opened his mouth, closed it, and started laughing. He actually started laughing.

"Jesse? Are you OK?"

He shook his head and laughed more. "Jesse…"

"Are—" he finally began, "are you just going—to keep saying—my name?" He collapsed again into laughter.

"Je—I'm sorry."

"'Jesse' and 'I'm sorry' are your only vocabulary when you do something like this, aren't they? And you _do_ do things like this a bit too often…"

"Just the—well, twice! Well, I guess 3 times… and there was—I'm gonna shut up now."

He nodded vigorously, still laughing. "That would be a good idea." After he seemed to have collected himself, he asked, "Do I want to know the course of events leading up to what I saw?"

"I guess… Well… most of it…" He let out a choke of laughter. "Well, I called Paul…" That sobered him up real fast. "To formally break up with him before he noticed you and I were still together… speaking of which… _are_ we still together?" He nodded, and kind of started laughing again. "And… he suggested something…" He raised his eyebrows in that way I can't resist. "About you… and Claire."

Comprehension dawned. "So that's why you kissed Tim? Because he planted the seed of suspicion?"

"Well…" I admitted, "He didn't exactly 'plant' it there."

"I see. Continue your narrative, please."

I collected myself. "Then Tim came and I might've tried to plant the same 'seed of suspicion' in his head, but he just started joking about it. Then we got on the couch and we were laughing… and then… I don't really know. It just happened."

"And then I came in."

Truth or lie, Suze? Lies are what keep getting me into trouble. Much as I hated it, truth I was. "No. That's not where you came in."

"But you were…"

I shook my head. "Then we talked about you and Claire and how guilty we felt… he was just dazed, really… and then he said something about whether I was going to do it again, and I asked if he wanted me to, and he apparently didn't say "no" enough or something because I kissed him again, and _that _was when you came in." I flopped onto my armrest, but Jesse pulled me toward him. I rested my head on the opposite armrest and looked up into his eyes. "Did you really say all those things about me that Tim said you said?"

"That depends what he said I said."

"Something about my eyes?"

"If it was that they shone like emeralds, then yes, I said it."

"To Tim?"

"And Claire."

I looked up at him. Out of nowhere, probably because it was my time of the month, even though I would die before admitting it to a male, I started crying. "I don't deserve you!"

"Possibly not." I snapped to attention, but he was just grinning. "Nevertheless, I love you. I would say I'll love you until I die, but that doesn't apply in our case. And I'll love you even after I move on, from heaven or hell."

"Jesse, if there is a heaven and hell, you are without a doubt going to heaven."

"Do you think so?"

"Definitely."

"Hmm…" He pondered this for a moment. "I'll miss you, then."

"Jesse!"

He just laughed again.

"Jesse…"

"Don't tell me… you want to talk about it. Haven't I suffered enough?"

"That's what I want to talk about!"

"Goodie."

"You say you've been suffering, and I'm sure you have, but you keep laughing… it's not healthy to keep feelings bottled up. Act how you feel. Like, I feel incredibly guilty, so I keep apologizing. You feel hurt but you keep laughing. That can't be good…"

He just laughed more. He kept laughing until he was crying. And then he was just crying. He swore in Spanish and wiped his eyes.

"Jesse. This is the new millennium. Guys who cry are hot." I kissed his tears away. "I just hate that I was the one who made you cry. I could kill me."

"But you won't." He sounded concerned. "Will you?"

"What good would that do? I know at least two non-you guys who could see me anyway."

"Indeed."

"I won't if you don't want me to… last thing I need right now is to purposely pick a fight with you."

"Well don't, then. If you're meant to be a ghost, there'll be plenty of time for that _after_ your life."

"That's optimistic."

"I'm sorry."

"I wasn't being sarcastic. That _is_ optimistic." We looked at each other for a minute or so. We looked into each other's eyes. He had the best eyes… It was like looking into a lake or something, dark and deep. I almost drowned. Luckily, Jesse pointed out that I wasn't breathing before I passed out. "I love you, Jesse. I do know why I do what I do."

"Do you, now?"

"Because I'm a slut and an idiot. I repeat that I don't deserve you."

"Quite possibly." I didn't scowl because he was right. "But it doesn't matter. I wouldn't be hurt at all if I didn't love you so much."

"You also wouldn't be hurt at all if I weren't such a horrible person."

"You're not a horrible person. But you're right in that this could have been easily avoided."

I winced. "Perfectly true. I hate me."

"Hey. No insulting my girlfriend."

I had to smile at that. "So I'm still your girlfriend?"

"_Querida_, if we broke up every time you kissed another man—I don't particularly want to think about that, actually."

I looked down. "I've been so unlike me lately. Meg was always so nice, but Emily's just a bitch!" (A/N: By now you've figured out that that last sentence didn't happen. MY 1ST AUTHOR'S NOTE OF THE WHOLE CHAPPY! I SO PROUD O' ME! Hey, "chappy" looks a lot like "crappy"! what a coincidence!) "I'm sorry, Jesse."

"So we're finally back to 'Jesse' and 'I'm sorry.'"

I smiled weakly. "I guess so. But I am _that_, _you_."

He grinned and started kissing me. Really kissing me. Good. And every synonym for good in the thesaurus that relates to quality. But not the moral standing ones, like "righteous". Because there was nothing innocent about that kiss. It was heaven, though. Not particularly angelic, but heaven definitely. But I knew what I had to do. "Stop."

"What!"

"We can't do this tonight."

"Why not!"

"Because do you realize that every time I've done something wrong, we've ended up having sex? I think that sends the wrong message to my subconscious."

"Wonderful. So now you're depriving me of sex. Want to just _talk about it_ some more? All night? And then burn every book accessible so that when you finally fall asleep from sheer boredom, I have nothing to do but mull over it? Then why don't you bring Slater and Tim over and have a big make out session as I sit and watch, preferably while wild horses try to tear me limb from limb?"

"Wow. Jesse, if that's how you feel, we don't _have_ to not… but you remember the beach?"

Flashback.

_I was back in California, in high school. CeeCee and Adam and I were on the beach. I was wearing a two-piece, which I barely ever did because Jesse disapproved. But this one was just too cute. Anyway, I would be talking when randomly Jesse would cover my mouth. My voice would be all muffled and they couldn't figure out why. I told him not to do that when I had a moment, but I was laughing too hard for him to take me seriously. And then I'd lay back on my towel and fake-yawn, stretching my arms and wrapping them around his neck, pulling him onto me for a risky make out session. Needless to say, he continued to pull the prank._

"No. I'm just blowing off steam. I'm sorry. You're absolutely right, though. I can go one night if it means this won't happen as often."

"Jesse… I really _am_ sorry. Even if I've slightly overused the phrase."

"Slightly."

"Jesse… I love you so much… I really am so—"

"Don't! Even. Say it. Please, Susannah, if I hear it one more time, I'll pull out all my chest hairs by hand."

"No! I love your chest hairs!"

"Yes, Susannah, that's the concern in that sentence."

"Is for me."

"Aren't you sweet."

"Aren't I?"

"You aren't."

"I wonder…"

"What?"

"I'm sor—" He clapped a hand over my mouth.

"That isn't funny." I nodded that it was, then opened my mouth and licked his hand. He pulled it away and wiped it on my shirt. "None of that tonight."

"Feh. Will you still come in with me?"

"I'm not leaving you alone as long as I can avoid it. Bad things happen when you're alone. That was what Tim was there for, but even he cannot stop your bad luck, apparently."

"I don't believe in luck. We make our own destinies. I'm just really really bad at it."

"Do you hear that?" he asked suddenly.

"Hear what?"

"Me disagreeing with you?"

"No…"

"Exactly."

I made a vague exclamation at this. But then we went into my room. There was no hanky panky, unfortunately. I changed in the bathroom, after automatically checking to make sure it was empty, and got into bed. Jesse tucked me in and kissed me on the cheek. We exchanged "I love you"s and went to sleep. Well, I went to sleep. Jesse read The Princess Bride. The last thing I heard that night was "It's amazing that Goldman just _made up_ an original author, book, and family…"

But the next day, the truth came out, and my life would never be the same.

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A/N: I know, Jesse's being very OOC, but if u think about wuts been goin' on… which I am… first he finds the love of his life making out with his worst enemy while he's in the hospital, then again in the nude, then she insults him and kisses worst enemy _again_ right in front of him, then finally again with his best friend. And all because the girl he left Suze for left him so he could be with Suze and got really mad at both of them and made them be horrible (me). I feel a little guilty, but not enuff 2 stop doing this. :-D. I'm so incrediblky mad at Jesse and Suze, I keep doing this. Yay! Yay 4 bitternosity! Apologies 2 all whom I've offended. EXCEPT YOU SUZE! Possibly u, jesse. Kind o' sorry. Anyway, REVIEW, PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE! Especially if you want to know how that cliffie ends!**

**D2FP, guys!**


	20. Ch ch changes!

**OMG, more reviews in 24 hours then on my last chapter total! My mailbox was suddenly like REVIEW ALERT! REVIEW ALERT! REVIEW ALERT! REVIEW ALERT! The funniest thing is that almost none of you are my usual reviewers (behold the power of cliffies! (lol)) And you sounded so URGENT that I should update soon that I'm breaking my own rule and posting this chapter today. You're curious, no? about the truth coming out with the life and the never being the same, etc? This chapter is shorter than most, but, if I do say so myself, slightly less sucky. Again, what I call "less sucky", you might call "more sucky." So don't get your hopes up. At any rate, I heart you, review-y people! Now skip ahead if you don't want to read my doting upon my reviewers.

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**jeez claudine: **YOU REVIEWED, woohoo! Hehe, the reason suze did something so stupid is that she IS stupid. She is a stupid, skanky little beeyotch. (hum, bitter much?) NO! And yes, it's DEFINITELY possible… the whole paradoxical "what if" thing is whether he could get her pregnant, which you could basically tell just by kissing: if he has ghostly saliva, he probably has ghostly little… err… yes, but then, following that logic, he would have to go to the bathroom, which is utterly nonsensical in my opinion… and if he DID get her pregnant, what the heck kind of a baby would that be? A half-ghost danny phantom kind of thing? Some kind of a translucent little fish-creature? At any rate, I didn't want my story to be all about a little freak baby with snow white hair and glowing green eyes who can walk through walls, disappear and fly and is much more unique than the other guys, so for my porpoises, he can't get her pregnant. (geez, that was long. You probably lost interest 150 words ago. Lol)

**desesperado en amor: **lol well if it's that important… here you go, even though I only had 5 reviews and this chapter's only been up for a day… and thank you very much:-) Oh, and so you know, when I insult suze, I don't mean you. LOL.

**Venus-on-the-run:** LOL! I can't BELIEVE people actually LIKE my story! Well, I guess everything has an audience… and even sucky fan fics star the characters we know and love :-D And no, that's not a negative comment at all. The insult-me bits are my favos. Ciao bella right back atcha!

**Querida1607:** Lol I betcha weren't expecting me 2 update THIS quickly! I'm glad you think he's yu—err… the story is yummy.

**phia:** lol thank you! As mike birbiglia said to me in his e-mail, "sweetest possible response". HAHA I'M NOT MAKING THAT UP, SUCKERS (WHO AREN'T READING THIS FIC BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS AREN'T SUCKERS)! MIKE BIRBIGLIA CALLED ME SWEET! W00TW00T, BABY! TWICE! Err… anyway… thanks oodles!

**haHA, now to the story!

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Jesse pulled me aside in the living "room" of my apartment. We sat on the couch. He was fidgeting a lot.

"Susannah… I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, and I never will. I just have to hope."

"Uh-oh…"

"Uh-oh indeed." He sighed. "I'm sure you've noticed that Claire and I have been spending a lot of time together… I've been… cooking for her and helping her around the house… and things…"

"Jesse, I already know."

He looked disappointed. "You do?"

"Yes. It's pretty obvious. You've been having an affair with Claire."

His lips trembled and he started shaking. His eyes began to fill. "I'm sorry, Susannah… it's just that… when Claire kisses me… s—something… comes… over me, and…" He finally fell over and collapsed into… laughter?"

"Hector de Silva! That is _not _funny!"

"I beg… to differ! And did you just call me Hector?"

"So are you having an affair or _not_?"

He shook his head. "With _Claire_? Susannah… _mi querida_… no. No I'm not. "

"Then what were you trying to tell me about her?"

"Susannah, I've been working for her."

"What do you need with money?"

"To buy this."

He got up and bent down on one knee. And pulled out a little box. A little black box. "Oh… my… god… is that what I think it is?"

He just smiled and opened it. It was a ring… but not a diamond ring. Even better. An emerald. "_Querida_, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"How?"

He blushed. "Well, I had to impart some private information to a certain priest who can see ghosts, but he decided it was necessary for us to marry, and agreed to perform the ceremony. But… what is your answer?"

"To what?"

"The 'will you marry me?'"

"Oh! Of course! Oh, Jesse! I thought you'd never ask!" I jumped off the couch so fast, I almost fell flat on my face, but Jesse laughed and caught me. I put the ring on and covered his face with kisses.

"Now any time you feel like… well, yes… just look at the ring and remember that I love you."

"Let my try it now." I looked at the ring. Then I kissed him some more. "Hey, it works!" He chuckled. "It's so beautiful, Jesse!"

"Like your eyes, _querida_." I looked up, and he was gazing into them. "So no more… of _that_, right?"

"I hope not… I love you so much, Jesse!"

"_Y te amo, querida._"

I doubted that I could stop grinning if I tried. "I'm engaged…" I declared, mostly to myself. "To Jesse de Silva…" I contemplated this for a minute. I looked at the ring, and up at Jesse, ring, Jesse. Ring. Jesse. RingJesseringjesse. I held up my hand and admired it, then showed it to Jesse. "Look. I'm engaged!"

"I knew that."

"Just making sure."

He laughed. "So does your subconscious still need to be punished?"

"No. It's OK if we reward me for getting engaged. But wait a second…"

"Of course. More waiting."

"Yups… so how did you get the money for this in such a short time?"

"Well, she paid pretty generously… actually, it wasn't time yet, but after the Tim incident, Claire advanced me."

"Just out of curiosity, how come you call him Tim but you always use my full name?"

"Do you remember another Timothy?"

Ah, Timothy Beaumont. I'd forgotten about him. "Oh. That makes enough sense. But why did you always insist on being alone with Claire?"

"I told you, you get in trouble when you're alone. But now it turns out you get in trouble when you are alone with Tim, as well… Anyway, the issue wasn't Claire and me being alone, it was _you_ being alone."

"Oh… fair enough."

"Yups. Are we done talking yet?"

"Sure." So we stopped talking and did something else. That we'd never done before. And it was fun.

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Iz short, I kno… lol, did I scare ya? My excuse for OOCness is that if YOU spent 10 straight years with Suze, you'd be nuts too. Review, my brightly colored marshmallow candy chews! Err… chiclets! Why does my Spanish book say turtle on it?**

**D2FP!**

**-Emmy**


	21. Bragging!

**Salut, all! I know, I know, this update has taken for freaking EVER, but the more I put it off, the more I put it off… you know the drill. I'm going through and replacing all my old chapters with new, non-review-replying chapters. I may be one of the few authors to actually lose my readers to them outgrowing my story. I've just reread my whole story (it's finished, btw, 31 chapters. Don't hate me. Here's 21.) and suddenly, I don't like very much. Don't get me wrong, some of it has me laughing, but the writing is sooo bad, it's almost funny itself. Once I'm done replacing my chapters, I'll post 22! Please review, I love you all!

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The next day, I went to see Claire. Read, show off my ring.

She immediately ran up and hugged me. "So, did he ask you yet?"

So she knew already. Couldn't hamper my excitement, though. "Yes!"

"And what did you say!"

"What do you _think_ I said?"

"If it wasn't yes, Suze, as a friend of Jesse… I _will_ have to kill you. You understand that, right?"

"Of course. Of _course_ I said yes!"

"Then let me see that emerald!" She knew… feh. I proudly displayed my left hand. "That is _so_ gorgy, Suze! You know that thing is 18 Karat white gold?"

"No, I didn't. How did you?"

"Umm… Suze… do you really think Jesse walked in and said 'gimme that gorgeous green one'?"

"Oh… that's right…"

"And he didn't ask you because that would have been thoroughly unromantic, and the only other live'n he knows is Paul. And Paul couldn't make it, so I was the next best thing."

"I see."

"Soo… Tim's a pretty good kisser, huh?"

I blushed madly. "He… he told you about that, huh?"

"Yup. Must have been an awful lot like Tad Beaumont, huh?"

"Exactly li—wait, how did you know about Tad Beaumont?"

"Jesse and I did do some talking between the wild pregnancy sex."

"Not funny!"

I heard a tiny cough. "Oh… great… hehe… come in, Mon."

"Eavesdropping, Monny? You know better than that!"

"Daddy was doing it too!" she exclaimed defensively.

"It's… true… I… I was…"

In walked a very surprised looking Tim.

"Mon…" I began. "You can _see_ Ti—your father?"

"Yeah," she said matter-of-factly.

There was silence.

"Why didn't you tell us, sweetie?" asked her mother, finally.

"You woulda thought I was crazy!"

There were so many things wrong with that sentence, I had to laugh. And then, of course, I couldn't stop. "Didn't you ever try to _touch_ her, Tim?"

"Well, yes…"

"And notice that you _could_?"

"Yeah… why?"

"Because only mediators can touch ghosts!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh… well, I only ever tried to touch Claire and Monica…"

"Oh for God's sake…"

"Mommy? Or Suze?"

"Mmhmm?"

"What's wild pregnancy sex?"

"Ask your mother," I said quickly, at the same time as Claire said "I'll let Suze take this one."

"Your mother," explained Tim, "was making a joke."

"Oh… what about when she said you were a good kisser?"

"Is your couch good for falling on?"

"Yeah."

I fell on it just as Jesse popped up. "Where have you been, baby?"

"Oh… nowhere… just running an errand…"

"Where?"

"Paul's apartment."

"Doing what?"

"Oh… just the usual…"

"Which is?"

"Taking his keys and putting them under the couch cushions." I guffawed. "Oh… are we having this conversation in front of Monica?"

"Yups. It turns out that little Monica here is a mediator."

"Honestly?"

"Ask her."

"Monica… can you see me?"

"Yups!" She sounded proud this time, now that she knew we could all see ghosts. Or _were_ ghosts, in some cases.

"Brilliant."

Her father ran over and picked her up. "Oh, sweetie!"

"Jesse, shall we leave the happy family alone?"

Claire snorted. "Yeah, that's your motivation for leaving. Wouldn't have to do with the bit where you just got engaged."

"You're engaged?"

I beamed and showed Monica my ring.

"Ooh! It's beautiful! It matches your eyes, Suze!"

"Thanks!"

"Well, we'll be leaving now," Jesse declared. Was it my imagination or did he look at Tim when he said that?

"Hey, Suze?" Now I knew what Jesse meant about constant use of his name…

"Yes Mon?"

"What _did_ you mean about daddy being a good kisser?"

"Nice to see you all bye now!" I ran out the door.

Jesse caught up to me immediately. "What _did _you mean about Tim being a good kisser?"

"I didn't say it! Claire did!"

"And you replied?"

"Come in, Monica?"

He rolled his eyes. "So is he?"

"Is who what?"

"Is Tim a good kisser?"

"Jesse…"

"Yes?"

"I'm torn… would you be offended on his behalf if I told you he stank?"

"Not in the least. But would it be the truth?"

"He was… OK."

Jesse was speechless for a moment. "O…K?"

"I guess… nothing special, though. Not like you."

"Then—"

"Then why did I do it. Caught up in the moment?"

"I see."

"No you don't. Neither do I. I think I'm starting to like your method of not thinking about it. And anyway, now I have my perdy ring. I'll never do it again, Jesse."

"I hope not."

"So do I."

But the very next day, I was proven wrong.

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Haha, I suck. I'll totally update, though. Haha, this story is horrible. It only gets worse. Oh, the writing improves. I mean I become more sadistic. I thought I should warn you. Oh, and it gets R-rated. So if you don't want some R-rated sadism, stop reading now! If you do, review and I shall update!**


	22. Rectangular Glasses

**OK guys, i SWEAR i tried to upload the rest of this story back in june, but it didn't work so i had to go to camp and i'm doing it now, and i won't be able to respond to your reviews until i'm caught up, but review alllll you want! if you read chapters, you can leave 5 reviews! i would love that! **

**Haha, rereading this after Iwrote it… this is so funky… I'm such a freak… like, seriously a freak. A mega-freak. So you know. Expect utter nonsense. Read on if you DARE.

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Jesse was working off his debt to Claire. Tim was no longer allowed alone with me. By Jesse, I mean. Claire wasn't the jealous type. Actually, she was amazingly _un_jealous. So I sat. On the phone with Bryce Martinson. He called me, this time. His caller ID had picked up my number, and now he wanted to talk.

"So, back in high school, when you saved my life…"

"It was from Heather."

"Why was she trying to kill me?"

"So you two could be dead together."

"Wow…"

"Oh shit… It's Paul… at my door…"

"Don't forget that thing about Kaitie."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Good luck, Suze."

"Hah. Bye."

"Su-uze! Lemme in!"

"No-o! Stay out!"

"You have till 1." He counted backwards from 10. Ooh, hide-and-seek. I went into the closet and peeked out. A buff-looking ghost guy walked in and unlocked the door. Then dematerialized. Paul walked in. He was wearing glasses, which was unusual. "I couldn't miss that emerald anywhere, Suze." He was talking about my eye. Shoot. He walked up to my closet and opened the door.

"Bryce says he's still not over Kaitie," I blurted. "Whoever that is." Paul grinned in recognition. "And speaking of emeralds… I am now engaged." I wiggled my fingers. "So get out."

"To whom?"

"Jesse!"

"Jesse…"

"De Silva, Paul."

"You mean the Jesse de Silva who died 160 years ago?"

"Yes, that Jesse."

"The one whose picture is on the wall."

"Yes, Paul, that Jesse."

"How?"

"Father Dominic's going to marry us."

"Mazel tov."

"Get out, Paul."

"You don't really want that, do you Suze?"

"I'm engaged, Paul."

"You didn't answer my question. But this will." He put his glasses on the table, threw my ring across the room, and kissed me. I fought him off valiantly. But soon, we were rolling on the floor. Something about kissing him always gets to my fighting abilities. Soon, we both had our shirts off. He was working on my bra when the door opened.

I head some very vulgar-sounding Spanish, some very vulgar English, and a "Get the expletive off of her!"

Paul, however, in among his least gentlemanly acts yet, continued kissing me, finished unhooking my bra and threw it back towards the three in the doorway. I kneed him in the groin. He was incapacitated for a moment, long enough for me to run into my bedroom. I threw on a random shirt from a random drawer and climbed into bed. It smelled like me and Jesse.

"Suze! Get the hell out here!" Only she didn't say "hell". I thought it would be best not to refuse.

"Susannah," Jesse's voice almost broke on the word, but he wouldn't give Paul the satisfaction, "where is your ring?"

I kept my eyes down and pointed across the room. Claire looked angrier than anyone, which seemed odd. "What the hell is it doing there?"

I pointed at Paul, who raised his hand proudly. He had his glasses back on.

Jesse was sitting on the chair, staring dejectedly at the ring.

"J—"

"Jesse," he finished, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jesse. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry."

He emphasized each "sorry" with a blow to the chair. Claire whispered something to her husband that made him grimace, bit her lip resolutely, and crossed the room. There, she whispered something to Jesse. He whispered back. She wiped his tears. "She doesn't deserve you, Jesse," she spoke aloud. Then, she pulled him to her. And kissed him.

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Haha, god, i'm a horrible, horrible person. Normally I would leave it here for suspense, but I have chaps and chaps to upload!**


	23. Sorry

**Oh, shut UP already. I already KNOW I suck. Actually, though, if you do think I suck, TELL ME! In a REVIEW::is embarrassed:**

**(oh, and i wrote that comment long before i posted the last chapter, about which people have supposedly been complaining)**

**God, this is a horrible chapter, but i :heart: Jesse in it.

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My first instinct was to scream "get off my boyfriend!" But that would be a horrible double-standard. Of course. Claire _wanted_ to make me jealous. Just so I could see what I was putting Jesse through. This was a test. I knew because Tim wasn't doing anything. They were really going at it, though. And I was getting more than a little jealous. I deserved it, but it felt ghastly. When she went for his shirt, though, I couldn't take it. "OK! I get it! Jealousy sucks! Please stop! Please!"

Claire pulled away, but Jesse leaned in a little. I really, really hoped it was part of his act. Claire got up and gave me a 'told ya so' look. "Jes—" He gave me a warning look. "OK, I won't say it."

"Wow Suze!" Paul interjected. "I haven't seen you cry since high school!" I was crying? Damn. "Junior year. That was him too, wasn't it?" He indicated Jesse.

"I was mistaken then. And it's not him this time either. It's you. And… me."

"So you get jealous when Jesse kisses Claire."

"Yeah. Jealousy seriously sucks."

"What about…" He grabbed Claire and kissed her. She agreed with the idea, apparently, because she kissed back. I just bit the inside of my lip. Not jealous. _Not _jealous. Tim, on the other hand, walked across the room. To the window. _Through_ the window. Few stories down, but he couldn't get any deader.

"I have no problem with any girl kissing Paul. Aside from the fact that he might enjoy it. On the other hand, Claire, you are married. And your husband just walked through the window." Claire said a very bad word and almost followed him out. But Jesse stopped her.

"The elevator, Claire." She moved to walk out. Could he be…? Were his eyes on Claire's butt? I was starting to get reeeally sick of this déjà vu. _Please be acting, Jesse_. "Paul, I think you may want to leave. Now."

"But I want to watch the fireworks. All my work to make them…"

"GET OUT!" Jesse shouted. I just sat quietly. Paul grinned and danced out the door.

I buried my face in the couch and shook with tears. "I really tried, Jesse, I tried so hard!"

"But Slater is just irresistible."

"Yeah! I mean, no! Well, kinda… Jesse, he doesn't hold a candle to you!"

"But he's a pretty close second?"

"He's not even second. He's not top 20."

"So there's at least 19 other men you would kiss?"

"You're twisting my words!" Jesse glared at me.

"_I'm_ twisting them? Enough excuses! If we're getting married, it needs to be a _monogamous _relationship!"

"Get… married?"

"We are _engaged_, Susannah."

"Still?"

"Do you not _want_ to be engaged anymore?"

"God, of _course_ I do! I want it more than anything in the world! But I'm a _headache_! You even said so! I need you like oxygen, and you need me like…"

"Oxygen?"

My lips twitched. "In your case, that does work. But I was thinking… a hole in your head."

"Don't I wish."

"Wish what?"

"That I didn't need you."

"Yeah… that'd be nice…" I considered this."For you… not so much for me… Just for the record, I was doing fine as long as I was wearing the ring! It reminds me of you!"

"Because without a physical reminder, you forget about me."

"I'd never forget about you."

"So you were thinking about me, but disregarded me in favor of Paul."

"There's not right answer to this, is there?"

"Got a time machine?"

"No…"

"Then no."

"I'm sor—never mind. Oh, OK, I'm… apologetic, regretful, remorseful, repentant, sad…"

"Susannah, be quiet."

"I'm getting better at resisting, Jesse, really I am!"

"Why do you keep saying my name?"

"Because it's my second favorite word in the world!"

"And what's the first? _Paul_?"

"God, no." I blushed. "_Querida_."

Jesse sighed. Then he scowled. He closed his eyes. Then he threw the ring. At me. "Take it. Just take it. I don't care if you run over it with a steamroller like you have to my heart. Just take it."

"I'm really, really… I think I used up all my synonyms before… What else can I say?"

"It's not what you say, Susannah, it's what you _do_."

"I _try_ Jesse! There's not much else I _can_ do!"

"OK. Now I know this will be hard, and it will take skill and practice. You have to… NOT KISS OTHER MEN."

"I don't kiss him, he kisses me!"

"And then you…"

Silence.

"And anyway, from what I heard, it was you kissing Tim."

"That was before we were engaged!"

"We'd been together for over a decade!"

"Yes. You're right. I have no excuses."

"Don't start crying again. It's not fair."

"OK… I'll try…"

"I hope you're better at trying not to cry than you are at trying not to kiss anyone…"

"I'm really— I'll shut up."

"Please do."

I rubbed my eyes furiously.

"_Nombre de dios_, Susannah, why do you have to be so…"

"So what?"

He sighed. "Irresistible." He looked at me. "When did you put the ring on?"

"I don't remember… but I won't cheat on you again. Never ever. If I do, may I be—"

"No, chances are you will. Let's not attach consequences."

"Why do you think I will?"

"Because you keep doing it…"

"True. But I'm really gonna stop."

"Of course you are, _querida_."

He'd called me _querida_ again! Yes!

"So are we not doing anything again tonight?"

"That's your choice."

"Maybe I'll call Claire…"

"I'm already jealous! Quit it before I kill someone!"

"You realize that killing Claire would give her a decided advantage…"

"Jesse!"

"Well it would…"

"Is there a competition?"

"Depends on whether you continue to kiss people…"

"OK. Every time I kiss someone, you kiss someone. Punishment fits the crime."

"What if you go farther than kissing?"

"Never have, never will. Never would."

Jesse walked across the room and picked up the bra by the doorway. "Wouldn't you?"

"Don't you think I'm humiliated? First he got to see me topless, and _more_ than just see, then I'm stuck half naked in front of four people! One being my worst enemy, and three being male! Have I suffered enough yet?"

"No."

"What?"

"You should be stuck naked in front of another man."

"What?"

"Me."

"Oh, Jesse! I don't deserve—"

"_Querida_… stop talking. You're so much smarter when your mouth is closed."

I bit my lip trying not to talk. Then I bit his. Soon, I had fulfilled my sentence.


	24. Order!

I got mail a few days later. I know, because Maxine barked, alerting me to her existence for one of the few times when I wasn't serving her dinner. It was from the government. Great, jury duty. I opened it, because in my line of work, it doesn't pay to ignore these things. "Oh my god!"

"What's wrong, _querida_?"

"This isn't jury duty…"

"What?"

"It's a subpoena! I'm being _sued_!"

"For what?"

"M—Mal—Malpractice!"

"By whom?"

"3 Guesses."

"Slater?"

"Yes, Slater!" I growled, utterly frustrate.

"He hasn't a case!"

"He might. This says I'm due in court on… Tuesday!"

I recognized the first bit of the Spanish Jesse said. "I'm going to…" But after that, it was something they didn't teach you in college Spanish. Maybe they'd send me to jail… I could take Jesse with me! And see Tim sometimes… and I'm sure they'd give all my live friends visiting hours…

Did you go to jail for malpractice?

Jesse didn't leave my side once for the next couple of days. I even went with him to Claire's. She'd have just forgotten about the rest of the money, but Jesse said something about a debt of honor or something like that.

Soon, Tuesday came. I went to court. Paul was his own lawyer for the prosecution. I was my own for the defense. I didn't trust anyone for this case.

"What possible evidence…" I said 'to myself'. Actually, to Jesse. We'd already been over 'no shaking things'. I really hoped he could stick to it.

The prosecution called the first witness. "I call Leon McGurty to the stand." Didn't anyone find it odd that the prosecution was grinning at the defendant and watching her expression? They swore Leon in. "Mr. McGurty, have you seen this woman before?"

"Yeah. We had a 'session'."

"Can you describe this 'session'?"

"I was telling her some shit about these ghosts I used to pretend to see, and she said she could see ghosts, and had a ghost boyfriend, and then everything started shaking, and she threatened me."

"Thank you, Mr. McGurty. No further questions."

I declined to cross-examine. "Any witnesses, Miss Simon?"

"Not at this time."

"I present," said Paul, smirking, "Exhibit A. It is a video." They pulled out a TV. It showed the hallway of my apartment.

Paul's voice narrated the tape. "My name is Paul Slater and I am wearing a camera on my glasses." Oh. SHIT! "I am trying to prove that Susannah Simon is insane, and not qualified for her occupation." DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN! Insane now too? Video-Paul's hand came out and knocked at the door. "Su-uze! Lemme in!"

Video-me shouted "No-o! Stay out!"

"You have till 1. 10, 9, 8…" There was frantic running sounds from inside and a door slamming. Well if I'd known I'd been that _loud_… Then, there was the sound of the door unlocking and opening. No one found it suspicious that a door unlocked while the sole occupant was hiding in a closet? The camera went into the apartment and focused on a very obvious eye from the closet. "I couldn't miss that emerald anywhere, Suze."

"Objection!" I shouted at random. The tape was paused. "The prosecution lawyer clearly knows the defendant personally!"

"That is irrelevant at this time," decreed the judge. "Roll tape."

"Bryce says he's still not over Kaitie. Whoever that is. And speaking of emeralds, I'm engaged." 'I' wiggled my fingers, emerald and all, at the camera. "So get out."

"To whom?"

"Jesse!"

"Jesse…"

"De Silva, Paul." For the first time, I realized where this was going.

"You mean the Jesse de Silva who died 160 years ago?"

There were some murmurs from the audience. Er, jury. "Yes, that Jesse."

The Jesse of whom we were speaking was watching the proceedings with interest, but at this, he put his arms around me. Paul, watching us, just grinned. Paul's voice-over continued. "The one whose picture is on the wall." The camera moved from my frustrated face and focused in on the picture of Jesse.

"Yes, Paul, that Jesse."

"Objection!" I tried, as a last-ditch effort. "This was a private conversation! I was just kidding around with a friend! This can't stand in court!"

"Well then, you shouldn't have any objection," Paul interrupted, "to letting the audience view the rest of the tape.

"Slater, you know perfectly well why I have an objection to the rest of the tape! Has this tape been viewed beforehand?"

"No."

"It contains offensive material!"

"Relax, Suze, I turned the glasses away."

"I hate you, Paul."

"Order in the court!" shouted the judge, banging the gavel.

"Your honor, I was just trying to divert Pau—Mr. Slater—from his obvious intentions!"

"Which were?"

I couldn't glance at Jesse for help. He reassured me that he could see that I really had tried, and advised me to let them finish the tape.

"Roll tape!" commanded the judge.

"How?" asked voice-over Paul.

"Father Dominic's going to marry us."

"Mazel tov."

"Get out, Paul."

"You don't really want that, do you Suze?"

"I'm engaged, Paul."

"You didn't answer my question. But this will." The camera flew a bit and landed pointed at a random spot on the wall. There was a thump of my ring hitting the wall.

"Stop it, Paul! I don't want this! I promised Jesse!"

"Nuts to Jesse." I'd wondered at the time why he hadn't said something worse, but now I realized he'd been videotaping it. Kissing noises.

"No, Paul! Stop!"

An answer from the heavens. Sexual harassment charges. That was why I didn't shout 'objection' again. I could countersue! But first, I had to clear up my charge. A shirt was thrown purposely into view of the camera. I about died laughing. Not. The door opened. Looking at it from the jury's perspective, only Claire's voice. "Get the freak off of her!" Only, of course, she didn't say "freak". More kissing sounds and the sound of a bra strap being unhooked. And being thrown. A grunt of pain. Paul's. Loud footsteps and a slamming door. The camera was lifted up and put back on a face. Claire's angry visage came onto the screen. There were other faces there too, but I was pretending for the moment not to see them, but Jesse looked murderous and shattered. Back in the courtroom, he pulled me close and said he forgave me. I couldn't respond, but I grabbed his hand and squeezed. More silence. Me pointing across the room.

Claire's voice. "What the hell is it doing there?"

I pointed at Paul. "J—"

Silence. Some random thumps that the camera carefully wasn't looking at.

Claire whispered at thin air, bit her lip, and crossed over to an 'empty' chair. Whispered to that. Wiped an invisible face and said "She doesn't deserve you, Jesse." Then, she pulled thin air toward her and started kissing it. The camera pulled to my face, staring at Claire, biting my lip. It started bleeding a little. I looked near tears. All the blood had drained from my face. I looked intensely unattractive. Mortifying much? Claire continued kissing air and went for its shirt.

Camera flashed back to me as I suddenly shouted, "OK! I get it! Jealousy sucks! Please stop! Please!" Claire pulled away from the air. The shot focused on her 'told ya so' look. "Jes—" I began. "OK, I won't say it." Tears were falling freely down my face.

"Wow Suze!" interjected Paul's voice. "I haven't seen you cry since high school! Junior year. That was 'him'," I could suddenly hear the quotes he put around that word, "too, wasn't it?"

"I was mistaken then. And it's not him this time either. It's you. And… me."

"So you get jealous when 'Jesse' kisses Claire."

"Yeah. Jealousy seriously sucks."

"What about…" Close up on Claire's face. The me in the courtroom laughed out loud at the look on her face. Tim was laughing too. I hadn't even seen him and Claire in the jury box. The camera, apparently by an involuntary reflex of Paul's, flashed to the window.

"I have no problem with any girl kissing Paul. Aside from the fact that he might enjoy it. On the other hand, Claire, you are married. And your husband just walked through the window."

Back in the courtroom, Paul said "That's enough."

"No," I disagreed, "It's not. Please, Paul, let us show the part where you talk to yourself too."

"Objection!"

"Overruled. Roll."

Claire almost walked up to the window, then turned around. 'Silence'.

"But I want to watch the fireworks. All my work to make them…"

The camera went mad as Paul danced out the door. The camera turned off.

I noticed suddenly that throughout the movie, the camera had never focused on the 'floating' ring.

"May I consult with 'Jesse'?" I asked. "What should I do, 'Jesse'?"

As the judge threatened contempt, Jesse quickly said "I think the truth would be wise here."

"The _truth_?"

"Yes, _querida_."

"I agree!" Shouted Claire before anyone could stop her.

"Order in the court!"

I stood. "The truth is… I… will this remain private?"

"It won't leave the court."

"The truth is…" I sighed. "I see… dead people."

"I'm holding you in contempt of the court."

"Please don't. I can prove it."

"Do what you did with me!" shouted Leon. Well, nice of him after testifying against me… I guessed he just liked the drama.

"Jesse? Little help?"

"No clipboard."

"No time for jokes… Mr. De Silva."

"Alright, future Mrs. De Silva."

I couldn't help but grin. "Mrs. De Silva… Sorry. OK… does anyone have a small but visible object? Like a watch?"

Claire handed me her bracelet. I handed it to Jesse. Jesse tried to put it on.

"It fits… maybe you really _are_ pregnant, Claire."

"Haha."

"It's not floating, my boyf—fiancé is holding it."

"Objection!"

"Overruled. I'd like to see where this is going."

"He is a ghost, and I love him. I can see them and touch them and talk to them. My job is to get them to move on."

"It is NOT!"

"Paul, for once in your life, shut UP! You know how I could prove Jesse exists? Get him to kick your—"

"Miss Simon!"

"Sorry." The word made me think of Jesse. He grinned. "Wait! I've got it! Your honor, is there anyone you know who is dead and might have some… unfinished business?"

"Well… there's… well, not that I buy all this or anything, but… my husband died a few years ago…" (A/N: OK, how many of u changed ur image of the judge? Answer plz!)

I thought really hard about the judge's husband. And lo, a ghostie appeared! "Hi. Are you the judge's husband?"

"Me?"

"Yups."

"Uh… yeah… yeah, I am…"

"What's your name?"

"Edward… Edward Gannis…"

"Your honor, is your husband's name Edward Gannis?"

The judge started. "How on Earth…"

"So, Edward, Ed, Eddie, which d'ya like?"

"Ed's fine…" (yes, I named a person Ed Gannis. Sue me.)

"OK, Ed. I got an idea. Your honor, whisper something in Ed's ear, and I'll tell you what it was."

"Ooh!" shouted Claire. "I wanna help! We can both write it down!"

I borrowed some paper from the stenographer.

"Ed, stand right up next to the judge. Judge, he's standing on your left. Turn a bit more… OK, whisper it. Now Ed, say it out loud."

"He didn't say anything."

(A/N: I'M TRICKY! THE JUDGE WAS A GUY AFTER ALL! This story takes place in the future. So a guy can have a husband and then be a judge without being ridiculed. Tadaaaa!) "Your Honor, please say something."

"He says 525,600," Ed informed us. "It's the number of minutes in the year."

I wrote it down and we both passed it to the judge. He made a shocked face and said "They're both right… This one says 525600 in numerals, and this one actually wrote down 'Five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes, same as above, moments so dear'!" I grinned at Claire. How had she written all that so fast?

"Hey Ed, any inside things the judge'd recognize to prove your identity?"

"Trinidad."

"Umm… Trinidad?"

The judge wiped his eyes. "T—Tobego! Ed, is it really you?"

"Yes, honey, it's really me!" I repeated this sentiment.

"Any closing arguments?"

Paul started. "This is idiotic. You all can't honestly believe all this easily refutable bull!"

"Paul, shove it. You're a mediator too."

"I state, under oath, that I am _not_!"

"Oh, _shifter_ what_ever_! That means we can move back and forth between the living realm and limbo, leaving our bodies behind. And I can prove that. Paul, if you want to prove your point, let me touch you and REMAIN CONCIOUS." He couldn't. I shifted us into the shadowland. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Finally, a little privacy, eh?"

"Get the hell away from me, Slater."

"No."

I shifted back immediately. I came to in Jesse's lap. I must have shivered or something, because he put an arm around me and lifted me up. He literally carried me back to my chair. Yeah, _that_ didn't prove his existence. If they really still thought otherwise, the world was full of morons.

"Right, closing arguments," I tried to say through my pounding headache.

I looked through the jury and mentally tried to call up anyone they might know. "Oh my god, lady in the blue shirt, your old friend Jess says you left the stove on. It's about to catch fire."

"Jess! Thank you! Your honor, may I call 911?"

"No, but I will. If you're right about this, Miss Simon, it'll be fairly obvious that the ruling must be in your favor." The lady in the blue shirt went out of the room with the judge.

"It's not fair!" Paul suddenly burst out.

"What's not, Paul?" I asked, bored.

"I never even had a _chance_ with you! When we met, you'd already known him for… just a half a year!"

"And I'm glad Jesse gave me the chance to see what you're really like."

"Suze. I'm jealous. Are you happy now? I said it. I hate Jesse because he has the one thing I don't. You."

"Real sweet, Paul, really, but couldn't you find another girl who _isn't_ the most happily taken girl on Earth?"

"Ever heard the song 'Jesse's Girl?'"

"Yes…"

"I wrote it."

"No you didn't."

"No, not literally, but I could have. Except the 'Jesse is a friend' bit." Then he put a tape on that he had been _carrying_ and started _singing_ it. I kid you not. Actually, he wasn't bad. OK, it was almost heart wrenching, because I knew he really meant it. It really was freakishly in character.

"'Jesse's got himself a girl and I wanna make her mine

And she's watchin' him with those eyes  
And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it  
And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

You know I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
Where can I find a woman like that

I play along with the charade  
That doesn't seem to be a reason to change  
You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin' cute  
I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot

'Cause she's watchin' him with those eyes  
And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it  
And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

You know I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
Where can I find a woman like that

Like Jesse's girl  
I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
Where can I find a woman  
Where can I find a woman like that

And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time  
Wonderin' what she don't see in me  
And I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines  
Ain't that the way love supposed to be

Tell me  
Where can I find a woman like that

You know I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
I want Jesse's girl  
Where can I find a woman like that

Like Jesse's girl  
I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
I want, I want Jesse's girl'"

"Wow… Paul… that was… eloquent. It did almost make me feel bad." Jesse's arm tightened around me. "Paul, if Jesse weren't my soulmate, you might possibly have a chance. Until you somehow showed your true colors, we might have fun. But it's not happening." He looked so crushed. I sighed. "Maybe we can be friends." Then, in an undertone, "Jesse, you're hurting me." He loosened his grip, but only slightly. "I seriously doubt I'll be seeing you alone in the very near future, but even if I do, _hands_, and _every other part of your anatomy_, to YOURSELF. And if _any_ harm comes to Jesse, or he inexplicably disappears, you will be so far down my priorities list, most men would come first, then being single, the REST of the men, and then WOMEN, DEATH, and EVERY ANIMAL ALIVE. And then SOME DEAD ONES. And, of course, I'd countersue. Don't even try it, Slater. But we _can_ be friends, if you know _how_."

"OK… I guess… for now… but _please_ don't be lovey-dovey in front of me. And if you and de Silva here should break up, leave me on your list?"

At some point in my monologue, the judge had come back in.

"We've settled out of court, Your Honor. Well, more or less."

We walked out. On the subway, I used my favorite trick. I got out my cell phone, typed some random numbers and hit hang up. I held the phone to my ear. "Hi, Jesse, you wanted to talk?"

"Susannah, I don't trust him."

"Me neither. But he can't do anything while we're both there!"

"No, I don't just not trust him. I hate him."

"Maybe he's changed…"

"Susannah, you've never hated anyone before, have you?"

"Yeah, lots!"

"No. Not like this. Really, really hated with every fiber of your being. Want the person to disappear from the face of the earth and any other plane of existence. Or suffer eternal torture."

"Wow, Jesse… I didn't know you felt that… strongly…"

"Stronger."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some technical difficulties. The train should be moving very soon."

"Sorry."

"Jesse…"

"Excuse me, there's no cell phone reception in here. Who are you talking to?"

Great. Now I'm the crazy on the subway talking to herself. "Hold on a sec Jesse." I turned toward her. "This is a special plan just for the subway. Hey Jesse. So do you really think he's _that_ bad?"

"Worse. He's Satan."

"He's not Satan! Baby, if he tries anything, I'll kill him."

"OK. Well, that makes me feel a lot better given your past record."

"Jesse! I've been a _lot_ better lately! You saw! On the tape!"

"Yes, _querida_. I'm sorry, it's not you I don't trust."

"Weren't you moved by his song?"

"Not in the least. I suspect hypnosis."

"Jesse!"

"_Querida_, he was trying to make a move on you! If we should break up, he would remain on your _list_?"

Someone cut in. "Hi. I don't mean to intrude, but I can, umm, hear the other side of your conversation."

"Thank you for your courtesy. Jesse, we will have this conversation later. Right now, my _subway is broken_."

"I said I was sorry!" There was a guffaw and a gasp from somewhere on the train.

"Goodbye, Jesse. I love you."

"We'll talk about this later, Susannah. And soon, or Slater will be dead before you have a chance to be 'friends'." He turned to the couple of shocked faces. "Sorry. You don't know Slater."

"Satan." The guffawing one nodded.

"He's not Satan," I protested involuntarily. The subway shot forward and started moving again, without the customary warning.

"Sorry."

I sighed. "Jesse…"

I almost fell; the subway was moving too fast. But Jesse caught me, which must've looked funny.

"Quit it."

He gave me an offended look, but the subway slowed down. "If I can say it, I'm sorry."

He rolled his eyes. "Susannah, I'm dead serious about this."

I covered my mouth. I tried really, really hard not to crack up on the subway. I mean, come on, _dead_ serious? But I knew he'd be mad if I laughed anyway. "Jesse, I'll be fine." I didn't care anymore if people saw me talking to myself. "You'll be right there."

"He'll find a way."

A/N: PHEW! Longest chappy YET! 13 PAGES B4 A/NS! W00TW00T! I kno where this is going, but there's no end in sight. All my ideas work better in the future, esp when suze has a career 2 think about! Oh, and they're not acting QUITE as OOC as one might think….. bwahahahaha Oh, and the next chapter… is in PAUL'S POV! AREN'T YOU EXCITED? HURRAH!


	25. Paulie

**OK you happy people! As a _special treat_, the next chappy shall be in PAUL'S POV! W00TW00T!**

De Silva was mad as hell. Suze was under my spell. Life was good. The song had been a stroke of pure genius. I really could've written it. _Do_ I love Suze? More than any other girl. How much is that? Don't know, don't care. More like lust, maybe. Well, I wouldn't have called it "lust" exactly. I really dug her personality. In fact, her only character flaw might've been her permanent accessory. Made me want to shout "He's _dead_ Suze! I'm not! Hellooo! Over here!" But she hated me. She had no reason to. Well, yeah, I'd done some bad things, but she'd hated me long before those. I was nothing but nice to her at the beginning. My only acts of harm were to _him_. I hated him with every fiber of my being. Just because of Suze. And that was why he hated me. Just because of Suze. I'm surprised he didn't just get rid of her. Oh, I wouldn't. But he's so old-fashioned about everything else. I bet they only screw in Missionary. Shit. I just thought about Suze with de Silva… Bad images. I wished I could make him suffer what I suffered when I thought about the two of them… together… I'd already started it. That bra thing was a work of genius. But then he forgave her after watching the tape. It was supposed to have the opposite effect.

So I made a plan. First, I got into Suze's head. There may have been just the slightest subliminal message playing under "Jesse's Girl". Just a "give Paul a chance." Well, maybe a bit stronger than that… I might've slipped in something about fighting with the corpse groom, too… You could tell it worked on the jury. And it definitely worked on Suze. I made sure it didn't work on de Silva, though. Makes this all the more fun. He looked plenty pissed when they left. Maybe they _were_ fighting… I thought I'd drop by real quick. Local news, subway breaks down for no apparent reason, suddenly spurts forward at high speeds. No one hurt. That had Hector the Friendly Ghost written all over it. Good. So the happy couple _was_ fighting. And pretty bad, from the looks of it.

Day after Suze was in the news, I went over to her apartment. She greeted me, boy toy in tow. "Hey Suze!" I carefully shook her hand, which made her laugh. "Hey, umm… Can I maybe talk to Jesse alone? I promise I won't hurt him… if he doesn't hurt me first…" She looked to him for approval. He just grunted and looked at me suspiciously. Suze squeezed his hand and went into the bedroom. Disgusting. "Hey Jesse! Can I call you Jess?"

"No."

"No surprises there. Gonna answer me in more than one word?"

"Possibly."

"OK… Hey, look at me real quick." He looked at me. I stared into his eyes and started talking in my softest voice. It seemed to work, and I made sure to end it with "and you won't remember this little chat. But you will let me talk to Suze alone right now." I gave him a few instructions for the night. "But first, you will say more than one word to me." That last bit was just for kicks.

I clapped my hands in front of his face. It works better than snapping. It's a shock reflex that makes it work. You're in this state of total relaxation and impressionability, practically asleep, and suddenly WHAM! There's this huge noise in front of your face! Brings you out of your trance.

"Anything to say to me?"

"No, nothing."

More than one word. There we go. "Can I talk to Suze alone real quick?"

He darted a suspicious glance at me. "Fine. But if you try anything… Susannah scruples to kill you, but I harbor no such qualms."

"'Kay, I'll keep that in mind." I opened the door to the bedroom without knocking. No luck; she was dressed. I walked in and closed the door. I could imagine Rico trying to open the door, his hand being pulled back by an unseen force from his own head. Awesome. I got into the bed. "Hey Suze."

"What did you have to say to Jesse?"

"Well, I just said 'look into my eyes,' and he did."

"What'd he see?"

"See for yourself." Her emerald eyes gazed into my ice blue ones. I gave her the same spiel I gave the guy, with the addition of "you will listen to it and do what it says," and the subtraction of the more than one word answers and the talking privately to Suze. (A/N: I'm going nuts not saying 'Jesse' five billion times in this chapter. Darned Paul… JESSEJESSEJESSEJESSEJESSE! That should do 4 now.) I gave her a kiss on the cheek and went about my merry way. Pure brilliance, Paul.

So, because of my little 'chats', neither of them noticed when I slipped into their apartment that night and put in a little old-fashioned tape player. Nothing good, just something I could stand to never see again. I turned it on, and my own voice came out. Neither of them noticed. I slipped back out the door and waited patiently for the next day.


	26. Rated M

**Changed m'mind! This'ns in JESSE'S pov! Rnt u people LUCKY:giggles: 4 the 1st time… I know how this is going to end. I know what's going to happen. And that kindof scares me. I think I'm almost done. Finally. I'll put in the chapter I post right after I finish how many chapters the story ends up being. (31, as it turns out!) The rating changes 2 R in this'n, but the lemon is crucial to a plot, so skip it at your own risk. And please don't flame it, I know I don't know what I'm doing. Anything else, feel free to flame. But I'm a total amateur at lemons. Feel free 2 flame me 4 being so freakishly mean. I'm in that kind of a mood, because it's that time of the month. That seems to be when I do most of my writing. :grins: OK, so here. Damn… I really don't like this chappy… :-(**

Susannah thinks I don't like her revealing clothes. (True, they're not _nearly_ as revealing as what the young people are wearing today, but that might be because of me.) But the truth is, I _love_ her revealing clothes. What I don't love is the idea of other men seeing her in them. Yes, I'm possessive. But it's never bothered her before. But today was different. Today, we were going to Slater's apartment. Slater. That name. Just thinking it made me shake with rage. But _mi querida_, for possibly the first, and least opportune, time in her life, has decided to be forgiving. I was willing to go along with it since it seemed like either that or she'd go anyway. Alone. But what she was wearing today, just a "simple" sleeveless thing and incredibly short shorts, was _far_ to revealing for a visit to _his_ house. When I brought this up, however, she became argumentative. She said I'd want her to just wear a hijab and sari. I agreed that that would be nice. I said it lightly, but she just got angry.

I finally dematerialized in a huff. Oh, I didn't go far. I'm no fool. I just preceded her to the apartment door. When she got up from the elevator, I was waiting for her. I didn't want that _mulo_ to know we hadn't come in together. I put my arm around her.

She pushed it off. "He said not to be lovey-dovey in front of him. Surely _you_ can understand that."

"Yes, I learned it very well from… let's see… who was it?"

"Shut up, he's coming."

"Shut up"? Since when did _mi querida_ tell me to "shut up"? I blamed that… that… Slater. He opened the door. "Suze!"

"Paul!" They hugged. Something wicked this way comes.

"This is the big day, Suze…"

"Which big day?"

"The day we spill all to Rico."

"Oh… Already?"

"Rico? Spill all? Susannah…" I gritted my teeth. "What is he talking about?"

She didn't answer.

"Come on in, guys."

We walked into the apartment and sat down. I was on the couch. Susannah was on the chair with Slater. Bad. Bad. Bad. He put his arm around her and she looked into his eyes apprehensively. He smiled down at her reassuringly. No. No, _querida_, please no…

She sighed. "Jesse… Paul and I have been… well… I'm sorry, but when I thought you were… with Claire… I'm really sorry, Jesse."

"Really… sorry… Jesse…" I tried to digest this. I couldn't.

"Babe," Paul spoke down to her. "Maybe it'd be better if I talked to him alone real quick?" I didn't bother to respond. Susannah bit her lip and left the room. I watched her leave, stunned. "Hey Jesse. Look into my eyes."

"No. Your eyes are as evil as you are." I lacked even the will to swear at him. Nonetheless, I found myself looking up. "I hate you, Slater."

He just laughed. He seemed to be in an excessively good humor, but then, the reason for that was obvious. "I know ya do. Now listen up." He said some things about relaxing, and I fell half-asleep. "You will go into my bedroom and sit in the chair. You will not move the chair. You will be tied to the chair, and you will neither dematerialize nor go through the rope nor break it. You will remain in the chair as long as the rope is tied. And you will not take your eyes off Suze." He didn't do a thing about my memory, as I assumed he had last time... whatever he had done. He just clapped in my face. And before I knew it, I was sitting in a chair. Facing the bed.

What was he doing? He tied me to the chair with one thin piece of rope. I couldn't break it. I couldn't go through it. I couldn't dematerialize. I had been hypnotized. And I could only hope that my Susannah had been, too. Slater left the room for a moment. Susannah ran in, right past me. She jumped onto the bed. She didn't give me a second look. Or a first. "Paulie, I'm in the mood!" No. _Nombre de dios_ no!

"Coming, Suze!" He lay down beside her. And kissed her.

"Susannah! Please stop! Why are you doing this?"

She took control of the kiss. She rolled over on top of him. "Susannah, please! _Mi querida_!"

"I love you, Paulie."

"Don't say that!"

"I love you too, Suze." She smiled up at him. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. She started kissing him. _Really_ kissing him. Worse than ever before. Soon, she had the sleeveless thing off. Then… Then the too short shorts.

"Susannah! Stop! Please! Susannah!"

She had his shirt off, then. The kissing still went on. He was kissing my _querida_. MY _querida_! Her tongue trailed down from his mouth… all the way down. "Slater! Stop! You've won! Please, please stop!"

"I don't want to stop. She's almost there." He was responding to me! But she didn't know. She just grinned up. Somehow his undergarments were off. Her mouth continued down. And then…

"NO! Stop! I can't take it! At least let me go! Please stop," I begged. "Please."

"Don't stop, Suze." She made a motion that implied 'I would respond, but my mouth is full.' If I had been alive, I would have died. I was broken. Why was she doing this? I wanted to believe she had been hypnotized, but even if she was, it suddenly wasn't good enough. Slater grunted and it was done.

Then her bra was off. I tried to close my eyes, to turn my head. I couldn't. I would not cry. I would not cry! Not in front of _him_. Crying is so… feminine. Weak. I couldn't. Then his mouth was… even _I_ hadn't done that!

"Paulie, you're not like usual!"

Usual? There was a _usual_?

"I'm sorry, babe."

"It's OK... you're... hotter."

Then, she was naked. She was as beautiful as ever, but she was in the wrong bed. In the wrong arms. Kissing the wrong lips. "If you do this, Slater..." I warned him.

"You'll what?"

Susannah thought he was talking to her. "You'll see…" she chided playfully.

And then… he entered her.

He groaned.

She screamed.

I roared.

At the height of her ill-gotten pleasure, she shouted… "Jesse!"

"What?"

She froze. "Oh my god… I'm so sorry, Paulie! I don't even _know_ a Jesse!" Didn't know a Jesse? What kind of a lie…? Did she really…? "You know Paulie's my second favorite word!" _Paulie_ is? That… that… Slater… grinned.

"What's your first?" Yes, Susannah, what's your first?

She frowned. "I don't remember… There was something odd about tonight… your heat…"

"It's me you're thinking of, Susannah! Jesse!"

"Jesse…" she pondered thoughtfully. "Paulie… how come in my memories… you have a Spanish accent?"

"What, Susannah? Are you saying… do you mean…"

"Suze, you're delirious…"

"You never call me Suze! You call me Susannah!"

"_Querida_! It's me!"

"_Querida_! That was it! My favorite word! I melted every time you… he? Said it! Paul." She pushed him away suddenly. "Who the hell is Jesse?"

He sighed, resigned. "Jesse was… your boyfriend. But you broke up, and you asked me to hypnotize you so you didn't remember him."

Didn't… remember me? "_Querida_, it's not true! We're engaged!"

"He wasn't my boyfriend… he was my fiancé! Your story doesn't work."

"Suze. I didn't want to tell you. You said you didn't want to remember. You were engaged… when he moved on. You said it was too painful to remember! I'm really sorry, Suze."

No! His story was perfect! "No, Paul. He might've moved on." No! "But I wouldn't trade my memories of him for _anything_! Which means that you hypnotized me _against my will_! Which means that you are a fucking liar... and you were probably lying about everything else! Where's Jesse, Paul? He's not coming when I call. And if you did _anything_ to him…"

"Damn. Fine, Suze. Have your little fun. Jesse's in here now."

"What?"

"He's right in here."

"If you are lying, I will _make you pay_. You are going to _envy_ the dead."

She got up, looked down at herself, blushed madly and ran into the bathroom. I, of course, couldn't take my eyes off of her still. Slater could. He just didn't.

"You make me sick, you _pinche cabron_."

"Don't you talk, asshole. You just ruined everything."

"You are the one who…" I trailed off as Susannah came back in, wrapped in a towel.

"I couldn't bring myself to put on _your _clothes. Oh my god, everything's been shaking this whole time. I thought it was you, but it wasn't, was it? It was Jesse. He's been _watching_. You sick bastard. Jesse! Jesse, baby! Where are you?"

"I'm over here, _querida_!" She walked around the room, but she kept swerving at the last moment before she hit my chair. I put my hand out and caught her.

"Jesse! I feel you, but I can't see you!" She followed my arm until she found me. She ran her fingers through my hair. "Oh, it is you! Oh my god, have you been watching us the whole time? Oh Jesse! I'm so sorry! He made it… he made it so I kind of thought he was you! Did you see… oh my god… I'm so sorry!" I pulled her hand down to the rope. "Oh, poor baby! You're all tied up!" She untied the knot and I could move again. "I still can't see you! There was always… some… something… something visible… my ring! Where's my ring? SLATER!"

"It's where I found my keys this morning," he informed her, all traces of humor gone.

She pulled me up. "Jesse, I have a feeling you'd know where Paul found his keys this morning."

I walked out to the couch and lifted the cushions. Behind the left one. There it was. Shining like the eyes of _mi querida_. I lifted it and brushed it off. "Susannah."

Suze's POV

I saw the ring. And as soon as I did, I saw the hand holding it. And I followed the hand up. And it was attached to an arm, and that arm was attached to the most gorgeous body on earth. I leaned in to kiss him, but he stopped me. Oh shit. He was mad at me.

"_Querida_, your lips… I know where they've been."

I gagged. "Oh my god… I… to… Paul… and… he…"

"Yes."

"Jesse… Would you like to kill him or may I?"

"No killing."

"You're right. Death's _way_ too good for him. Can I hit him really hard?"

"Yes. But no killing."

"Ooh Paauuliiiiie!" I went back into the god-damned bedroom. "Paul, you've outdone yourself. I didn't think anyone was _capable_ of such an act. I feel sure it's never been done. We've been quoting The Princess Bride at each other, I know… do you remember 'to the pain'?"

"Naturally. First you lose your feet, left then right, then your hands, then your nose, then your eyes, but you keep your ears."

"Not just 'you' in the general sense. 'You' as in Paul Slater.

"Oh, you won't."

"Not yet. Wanna see how many hits it takes for you to go unconscious? What's your bet?"

"20, at the least. But you won't…"

"Get your clothes on if you feel lucky." He did, apparently. And it turned out, it only took 3. But then, I was pretty mad.

I lifted him up on pure adrenaline, and 'accidentally' dropped him. "Jesse, can you lock him up somewhere? I have to go shower. Repeatedly."

He did, and I did, until my skin was red and raw. When I came out, he was reading a book in front of the closet where I'd hidden before. "Hey, Jesse." I shuffled nervously.

"_Querida_."

I moved once more to kiss him.

He stopped me again. "Could you… wash your mouth first?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I used up all my mouthwash."

"You just bought a new…"

"I know."

His grim frown turned up a little at the sides. "_Querida…_" He kissed me. "He's in the closet. And he's staying there for a while until we figure out what to do with him."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Not at you, _querida_."

"But you're sad."

"Wouldn't you be?"

"Yes… I'm really really really really sorry Jesse, if that's not still taboo."

"It's OK when it's not your fault." I brightened at this. "I wonder…"

"What?"

"Why you could break the spell and I couldn't…"

"Desire?"

"_Querida_… I desired very much to leave, as you can well imagine." I nodded unhappily. "But I couldn't."

"True… I would say brainpower, but clearly that's not the case for us."

He smiled weakly.

"Oh, Jesse! I can't believe he… I can't believe I… and you saw… and he made you…" I broke off between misery and intense rage. And what poor Jesse must be feeling would have to be even worse! I threw my arms around him. There was a thud against the closet door, and then total silence. Too quiet. Jesse stuck his head into the closet through the door. He pulled it out immediately. His mouth was thin and his eyes were closed.

"He is not alone."

"What's he doing?"

"Kissing." His voice shook with uncontrolled rage.

"Who?"

"Maria."

"This is supposed to be a _punishment_!" I shouted.

"Go away!" Maria's voice. Ugg! This time at least I didn't feel jealous at all. I think.

I turned a malevolent smile toward Jesse. And called Diego. He came immediately. I shushed him and pointed toward the closet. He opened his mouth, but Jesse shook his head and pointed to the closet as well. With nothing to lose, he went inside. Yelling and thudding ensued. "Hey, Paul, it's a shame you didn't stay through The Sixth Sense with the rest of us! It had a scene just like this! A boy stuck in a closet with ghosts beating him up! Only he hadn't been making out with the ghost's wife! Isn't it funny how these things work?"

"Yeah, real—" Grunt "—funny."

More thuds, more grunts, and total silence. But this time, _real_ silence.

"Jesse? Is it OK if I go see Claire about something?"

"Sure," he said absently. His gaze was elsewhere. The wall with our picture, actually. But he didn't seem to be quite focusing on it. I imagined what the pictures in his head must look like and hugged him again.

"My poor Jesse!"

**Crap. Total crap. I know, I know. Please don't flame… wait, I retract that. If it's either flame or no review, I'd prefer the flame. Just so I know you people are out there… Uargh. Hehe. It was fun, though… I like making all of them suffer… hehehehehe. Bwahahahaha. You probably hate me now. And that's OK. As long as you tell me so in a REVIEW! Or an e-mail, even, if you feel like… I e-mail my reviewers quite often when they haven't reviewed… hehe. Well, even if u h8 me now, I still luuurve y'all! 4 putting up w m'story:-D**


	27. Divine

**I must be, like, the only fan fictioner who actually lost readers to maturity. I tried to update months ago, though, I swear! Oh, btw, in case you didn't catch it, when she said Paul was hotter, she was referring to the fact that he was 98.6. That's why she later said "your heat" and he said "it's me you're thinking of! jesse!"... i'm not a paul-lover! much!**

I went to Claire's. Monica was off with Tim in her room. Once inside, I immediately began, "I just had wild unprotected sex," her face registered good-natured disgust; she clearly thought I meant Jesse, "with Paul." Immediately, Claire shoved me against the wall and closed a small hand around my neck. But I managed to squeak out "in front of Jesse." A fist flew at me. Didn't do as much damage as I'd hoped, but it hurt well enough.

"Why are you," tiny punch, "telling me this?"

"So you'll, oww, beat me up."

She stopped immediately. "Why?"

"Because the guilt is driving me insane!"

"Then why the hell would you _do_ a thing like that?"

I sighed, resigned. "He hypnotized us."

"Paul?"

"No, Jesse. Yes, Paul!"

"OK. A few more questions."

"Yeah, yeah."

"When's the funeral, and will anyone be offended if I laugh hysterically?"

"I doubt anyone would, but he's not dead."

"He's… not? Oh my god… where's Jesse?"

"Keeping Paul safely locked in my closet."

"That's more like it." She looked almost as distressed as I felt. "Poor Jesse!"

"My sentiments exactly." I sighed again.

"So you screwed Paul in front of Jesse…"

"Ugg. Worse."

"Worse?"

"Did… other things, too." I shuddered.

"Suze!"

"I know! I thought he was Jesse, kind of."

"Kind of?"

"He replaced Jesse in my memories with himself and made it so I couldn't see or hear the real Jesse. But my poor Jesse thought I was… and he saw… Ugg!" Claire put my head on her shoulder. Of course the mother would be the most adept at comforting. "I didn't mean it! I didn't know! But I made Jesse cry!" Then she slapped me. "What was that for?"

"You needed it."

"I hope you don't use that on Monica."

"I usually do when her fiancé sees her fucking his worst ene—I've never had occasion!"

"Right… Well, thanks."

"No problem. Can I go see Jesse?" She said his name kind of tenderly. But not in a romantic way, in a pitying way.

"Yeah. I'll go with. Tim's taking care of Mon, right?"

"Yeah, they're both fine. Come on, hop in the car." She drove possibly a _little_ over the speed limit, but hey, those are really only suggestions, right? We made pretty good time back to the apartment. I could hear the sounds from the inside a second before I opened the door.

"Hey Suze!" came Paul's too-cheery voice slightly muffled through the closet door. "I was just telling Jesse here how, as a fellow shifter, you could have overridden the hypnosis at any time if you had the slightest wish to do so!" Jesse was glaring silently at the wall. Jesse looks scary when he's mad. Unbelievably sexy, but scary if you're on the wrong side. I suddenly wished I could speak Spanish like Jesse. His swearing sounds way better than mine. Or, worse, as the case may be.

I sat down on Jesse's lap and put my arms around him. "Jesse, if this is true, I didn't have the desire because I thought I was with you. When I started to realize that it wasn't you at all, I remembered everything! Don't listen to him, Jesse." The things had stopped shaking, but Jesse stood up, making me fall onto the floor. He looked at me with a look that was apologetic but accusatory. Then he dematerialized. I was just glad Paul couldn't see my tears. Claire could. She whispered that she could take guard duty and that I deserved a long, hot bath. I gratefully accepted this offer. I got into my steaming tub and sobbed. It turned out, though, that Claire was a traitor. She had sent Jesse in after about five minutes.

But she apparently hadn't mentioned the fact that I was actually _in_ the bath, and Jesse instinctively averted his eyes. I splashed my face to disguise the tears and smiled feebly. "Jesse, I'm your fiancé. You've seen me naked."

He just said stonily, "So has he."

"What do you want me to do, Jesse? I'll do anything."

"End it."

My stomach dropped. "End…?"

"Our relationship."

I felt a lump rise in my throat. I drew my knees up and rested my head on them. "End… like…"

"If you aren't absolutely sure you can renounce all others…"

My voice broke. "Jesse! I'd kill all the others if you wanted me to! Please don't break it off!"

He trailed his hand through the water. "You're saying you would kill for me?"

"I would kill _myself_ for you. Do you want me to?"

He looked taken aback. "Of course not, _querida_! A fine man I'd be…"

"I can't _take_ it! Do you still want to marry me, or not?"

"Yes, Susannah, I still want to marry you."

"But I've been 'defiled' or whatever!"

"Just make your choice. Obviously you could have either of us."

"Jesse! How could you think I would want _him_ after all that?"

"I saw what I saw, Susannah, no matter how much I wish I hadn't."

"_I thought he was you!_"

"Did you _enjoy _it?" He asked mockingly.

I stared at him. "You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you?"

"I'm engaged to _you_, aren't I?"

"Haha. Well, Mr. Masochist, you're out of luck."

"I am?" he asked with foreboding.

"Yes. It sucked—er, stank—umm, wasn't good."

"What?"

"It wasn't as good as you…"

"Right. You wanted it to be more 'like usual'."

"There is no usual!"

"Then why did you say that?'

"I was talking about you. I was telling him to be more like you."

Jesse clearly hadn't been expecting that. "But he's sure to have more… experience in that area…"

"Yeah. He was all 'this is how you please a girl' but you're more like 'this is how you please Suze'. Hey… speaking of experience…" I started casually shampooing my hair. "How many girls have _you_ ever slept with?"

"Counting you?"

"Yes…"

He bit his lip and started counting on his fingers while mouthing names. My eyes widened. "Let's see… counting you… one."

"Jesse!" I managed a laugh. "What about kissing? How many girls? Hold on." I rinsed my hair. "OK. So how many?"

"Well… there was the one… when I was 16. But she was married the next year. An arranged marriage. He was 35."

"Aaw! That's sad!"

"Yes."

"What was she like?"

"Her name was Emily." (A/N: I know, I know, but NOT me! I said I was puttin' in my ficcy friends, and I happen to know 3 other Emily's on ffnet! And I do wanna kiss Jesse, natch. Hehe I just accidentally typed "kill" steada "kiss"… mebe I'm still a bit bitter about the whole breakup thing. But if ne of u emilies r readin' this, HI! And anyway, Emily's always been a pretty common name! But iz not me. Is susan or Delilah or chocolate, who I've nvr actually spoken to, but whose name comes up on google search 4 jesse de silva. Not that I've ever, ya kno, searched. For it. And there's way more. But ya, iz 4 them, no me. And I wanted to kiss Jesse .Come on! Who WOULDN'T? Now where was I?) "She wasn't a lot like you, actually. She was very… intelligent. And shy. And not terribly physical. Violent or… sexual."

I blushed. "Heh. Am I that bad?"

"No, _querida_, you're perfect. It's circumstances that are bad."

"I'll take it."

"So how many have _you_ kissed?"

"Erm… heh. Just the… six or seven…"

"Wonderful."

"Well, it's not that bad nowadays! And I think you were forgetting one, anyway."

"What?"

"Claire."

"Oh… That does bring my total up to three, doesn't it?"

"There. So I'm only about twice as many as you instead of three times."

I rinsed my hair again and got out of the bath. He averted his eyes again. "Am I that hard to look at?"

"No, you're that hard _not_ to look at."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because today was… well, yes… so I don't want to… not tonight, and it's very hard when you're… like this." He gestured toward my lack of apparel.

"Do you mean that literally?"

"What?"

"Never mind." I dried off, put on my robe, and started to put my ring back on. "Hey Jesse, do you believe in divorce?"

"What? No…"

"Then the real question is, are _you _sure _you_ want to marry _me_?"

"Will this incident repeat itself?"

"I'll kill him first."

"Then yes, I do want to marry you."

"Oh good."

He turned his head thoughtfully. "Has any of this been a ploy to get me to cry off our engagement?"

"God no!"

"Forgive me for being a bit paranoid; I think my situation warrants some paranoia."

"True. But if, because, say, I had been whacked a few too many times on the head with a stupid stick, I did want to break it off, I could have found a less… completely evil way to do it."

"A stupid stick?"

"Yups."

"I see."

"So are we cool, Jesse?"

"Meaning?"

"Are we OK? Like, on good terms?"

"Yes, _querida_. We're 'cool'. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"For you to kiss me."

He reluctantly obliged, which was a bit disheartening, but he seemed to take a lot of effort to pull away, though, which was very gratifying.

"I have to go relieve Claire of her post. She needs to sleep."

I may have hung around a bit too long seeing her off, because she looked at me mischievously and gave him a goodnight kiss. Not like my, umm, goodnight kiss to Tad Beaumont or anything, but still. Jesse was clearly not expecting this. She checked out both of our expressions and left the apartment laughing. About a half-hour later, when I was naturally still awake, Jesse joined me in the bed.

"What happened to guard duty?"

"_Someone_ sent her husband over." Claire was cool. "He insisted I come back in here."

"Oh. Poor you."

"Why?"

"I don't know, you just seem awfully distressed about it."

"Sorry. I'm not… I mean, about having to be here with you… I mean, I like being with you… I mean…"

"Not so much fun struggling for words, is it?"

"It's not. Quite a bit of fun watching it, isn't it?"

"It is."

"Well anyway, I'm not bothered because of you. I'm just troubled in general."

I put my arm around him. He pulled me closer. I rolled over until I was practically on top of him. He made it so I was. I loved him, and I said so. Anyway, it stayed about that way for a week: the men rotating guard duty and the women helping sometimes, but not often. No, that's not sexist; it just happened that the men in our particular group had, you know, _supernatural powers_ and all. And didn't need sleep. One day Claire went into our bedroom to get me and asked where I'd gotten the ancient tape player. I said I hadn't bought one. She pointed, but I didn't see anything. She picked it up and suddenly I did see it. We decided this had to be part of the hypnosis so she'd take it home and listen to it. It turned out it was the entire instructions for the Bad Day. So that was how he'd done it. Anyway. One day, I was feeling kind of emotional, probably because of the impending wedding. So I brought Paul out of the closet (har har), with the help of Jesse and Tim for restraining. Once he was safely tied up, Tim went to stand outside the door.

"OK, Scum," I began. "You have 10 seconds to give me a reason not to kill you."

"How's this? I love you, Suze."

"That'd be a fine reason, if it were true." I glanced at Jesse, who had a 'here we go again' look on his face.

"It is true, Suze. That's why I've always hated that moron over there. Could these eyes lie?"

"Right… your eyes." I produced a pink sleep mask I'd just remembered I'd brought. It said 'Beautiful Dreamer' in cutesy cursive on one side and had a picture of closed eyes on the other. I put it so the eyes were visible because it was funny. "Now where was I? Oh, yes. You don't love me."

"I do."

"Nope."

"Umm, I think I would know."

"Then your definition of 'love' is pitifully lacking."

"How so?"

"Well you see, _Slater_, 'love' is what _Jesse_ feels for me. He wants me to be happy no matter what." That got a shy smile out of Jesse, and a scowl out of Paul. Couldn't have hoped for a better response. "_You_, on the other hand, seem to think love means you either have me… or make my life and all lives around me as miserable as it is in your power to do. Anything for a moment of pleasure for you. You don't even _care_ about anyone else."

Jesse had his arm around me for support and Paul was glowering. But with cute little pink cartoon eyes with eyelashes. There was quiet a moment until Paul spoke softly. "I care about _you_, Suze."

"Bullshit!" I yelled, with even more force than was probably called for. Jesse flinched like he didn't say worse things in Spanish. But I guess I'm a 'lady' and all…

"I might not be good at it, but I just get so… jealous. You hear that, Rico? I admit it. You have the one thing I don't. And it's the one thing I want more than _anything_."

"Susannah is not a 'thing'," Jesse cut in. "She is the most perfect being to ever walk the earth." I blushed and could picture Slater's eyes rolling behind the mask. Totally not true, of course, but super sweet of him to say it.

"I wouldn't say that, but he has a point," I commented.

"What_ever_! You know what I mean!"

"No, actually, I don't. _Enlighten_ _me_."

"OK. I'll try to say this nice and slow, so _everyone_ in the room gets it. I… love… you… Suze."

"And you'd love Heather in my body. And you love making out with a married dead chick in my closet."

"Well, they weren't exactly my first choice…"

"Oh you are so pathetic!"

"At least I'm not fucking a ghost."

"Slater, you are _so_ not helping your case."

"True indeed. But come on. _Him_ over _me_?"

I looked Jesse up and down. From the perfect hair, to the deep brown eyes, to the sincere expression, to the slightly exposed chest, to the tight pants, to the boots. I pulled my eyes away from him eventually, but it was hard. Then I looked at Paul. From the slightly disheveled curly brown hair, to the cartoon eyes, to the arrogant smirk, to the dirty, rumpled clothes. And, yeah, he was atractive and all, but standing next to Jesse… just… no. I made an exaggerated thinking expression mostly for Jesse's benefit, as Paul couldn't see me. "Let's see… _Jesse_…" I said the name like it was divine. It wasn't quite, but the bearer of the name sure was. "Or… you." The 'you' I kind of spat out, the way Jesse said "him".. "That's real tough. You've tried to kill me… Jesse saves my life… Geez this is hard… You try to make everyone's life hell… Jesse is sweet and considerate… How can I ever make this choice?"

"You know there's more to me than that."

"Yes, but when I think about what more there is… I get these urges…" Paul was smiling, but Jesse wasn't fooled this time. "To punch something… But actually… since you're here now…" Jesse held my arm back, though. He's so anti-violent when he's not the one being violent. Unfair. "Aaw, Jesse, why won't you let me hit him?"

"Because you're above that. Right, Susannah?"

"No! You can hit him! Why can't I?"

"Because no jury in the world would convict _me_."

"Hmm… True. Although jail might be nice if you'd visit…"

"_Querida_, we have company, you may recall." Paul snorted and I shot Jesse a 'just shoot me' look.

"The point is, I don't love you, you don't love me, I'm happy with someone else, get _over_ it. If you don't, we _will_ kill you."

"Don't you like 'em dead?"

"Oh, I don't plan to let you stick around. And I resent your implication that my love for Jesse has anything to do with—"

"Oh shut up. Either give me some options or let me go."

"Oh, so charming, I can't resist… OK. Options. Either you never bother Jesse or me again… or we kill you. The hard way. 'Kay _Paulie_?"

"OK. What ever. Just let me out of the closet. I don't love you any more, happy?"

"Wow, that took all of five minutes. I think we've made some real progress here today. I think the logical next step would be for you to move out. And I mean out of the building, not just my closet. This place seems pretty far below your price bracket. Now go away." I opened the door and he literally flew out. I say 'literally' because Jesse, er, helped. There was a satisfying CLUNK and I locked the door. Then Jesse, to avoid incriminating me, went out and untied him, which I found no fun whatsoever. Over correspondence, we came to the understanding that if he did anything, I would sue. And if that failed, I'd 'to the pain' him. I kept crying, still, randomly. More as time went on, rather than less. Sometimes I'd have nightmares and wake up sick. Oh, I was fine through sessions. But Claire finally forced me to take a vacation. I protested that I couldn't afford that, but she said not to worry. I told her I wasn't accepting her money, and she agreed, maybe a little _too_ quickly. She never gave me money, but my purse had the strange habit of having the same amount in it even when I kept spending the money. But Claire, Tim, and Jesse all smiled innocently and denied their part. And soon, of course, I had to invite people to the wedding. Gina was easy enough since she knew about Jesse. She was super-excited. When I asked about the cost of the tickets, she just said, "I'll take care of it." Then came the family. Dad was simple, of course; he'd known Jesse since before we'd been going out. I told Brad about the wedding first, not out of any sort of favoritism, obviously, but because he and Jesse had kind of met. Then I called David, who first knew about Jesse and was the least surprised of anyone. Then came the hard sell. Mom. The phone rang and Andy picked up.

"Hey, Andy! Can I talk to Mom?"

"Oh, sure, Suze! Nice to talk to you! How ya been?"

"Better than you know… Mom, please, real quick?"

"Oh yeah! Sorry!" He called Mom to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom!"

"Hi Susie!"

"Umm… How shall I say this…? I have some good news and bad news…" Jesse was watching me with interest.

"Is anyone dead?" she asked immediately, sounding concerned.

"N—well… technically… alright, let's see…" This wasn't going how I planned it. "OK… The good news is…. I'm engaged."

"WHAT? Oh, Susie! I didn't even know you had a boyfriend! Wait, is it a boy?"

"Yes, Mom, he's male." Jesse raised his eyebrow. "He's been my boyfriend for… well, first… umm…"

"Alright, Susie, what's the bad news?"

"He's… umm… a ghost."

"Suze, is this a joke? Because it's not very funny…"

"No, Mom, I'm serious. He's been my boyfriend since I was 16. He umm… beat Slater up at that party Brad had? And then I passed out getting rid of him—Slater, I mean—and… well… I'll explain it all later, but the point is, we're getting married."

"Umm… Susie, maybe you should be seeing a therapist…"

"Mom, I _am_ a therapist. And Jesse's… you've seen him." Jesse gave me an inquisitive look. "Umm… in the backyard… when you were digging to build the hot tub…"

"Yes?"

"You dug up Jesse." The corpse in question let out an involuntary spurt of laughter.

"What?"

"Jesse was the dead body. Only he's a ghost. That's why I, umm… gakked. Because he had the handkerchief he actually… ugg. No, don't worry about it, Jesse, it was forever ago."

"So… umm… who would be marrying you two?"

"Father Dominic."

"How could he…?"

"He can see ghosts too. That's why we were on such friendly terms."

"Who _else_ can see ghosts?"

"Umm… Slater, his little brother, their grandfather could, and possibly some of my stepbrothers, you'll have to ask them." Obviously I knew, but I shouldn't be spilling huge family secrets that _weren't_ mine. "We're called mediators…" I was on a roll here, so I kept going. "All that major damage to the school was from ghosts, all those laws I broke were helping or stopping ghosts, all those inexplicable injuries were from ghosts, Max wouldn't go up to my room at first because he was scared of Jesse… Spike's Jesse's cat, really…"

"So do you… umm… see… _all_ dead people?"

"No, just the ones with unfinished busi—oh. You mean do I see Dad."

"Umm… yeah."

"Yups. All the time. He's saved my life. Yeah. He knows Jesse too. He'll be at the wedding."

"Wedding! That's right! Wedding! Wow, Susie, I don't know what to say… I'm still expecting you to say 'April Fools!' or something."

"It's not April. But we were thinking about an April 1st wedding." (A/N: This is my reference to Meg Cabot! I ASSUME everyone reading this knows that her anniversary is april fool's?)

"That's not what I… Wow, Susie, I'm just not sure whether to believe any of this."

"Well you should see this rock. You'd sure believe me then."

"How could a ghost get you a diamond?"

"Oh, Mom, don't be _silly_! He didn't get me a diamond!"

"Oh…"

"He got me an emerald." Couldn't resist.

"But… how?"

"Well Claire supplied the money. He worked for her a bit."

"Uh…huh. Who's Claire?"

"New friend… former patient."

"Oh…"

I gave her the wedding date and told her to be there. She was still bewildered, obviously, but she agreed and said she'd try to inform Andy. Then I had similar conversations with Jake, CeeCee, and Adam. They could all make it. There was some question over maid of honor, but I figured if every single female there was a bridesmaid, it made the whole thing kind of pointless, and it was just going to be a teensy ceremony anyway, so it wasn't that kind of thing. And it had to be soon, or Claire would be too pregnant to fly. Jesse didn't often go on airplanes. Really, he never _needed_ to go on airplanes. He could just materialize there. But he didn't quite trust planes, so he always went on them with me. I'd asked him if it'd been because he didn't know enough about them, but he said it was because he'd learned _too much_ about them. So he flew with me when I went. And very soon, plane day came. Claire and Gina and I took a flight all together. First class. They serve champagne in first class! Did you know that? Having the wedding in New York wouldn't have worked because we didn't want Father Dom to exert himself. And he was pretty much my only chance at marrying Jesse. But he had promised not to die until after the wedding. I had pushed for his not dying _ever_, but he just laughed and vetoed that idea. I figured he still had about 50 more years in him, anyway. Then we landed in Carmel-by-the-Sea.

**A/N: Phew! Not a cliffie I don't think… awefully long'n… it took me forever… I hit writers block about 4 times… date is May 5, 2005. Haha. It is when I'm writing this. Wonder when it'll be when you're reading it… unless of course you're suze, (my suze, not suze simon… err… she IS suze simon in the way that I'm lilly Moscovitz, except of course that I came up with both names on m'own… BUT DON'T I MAKE AN AWESMOE LILLY? Now where was i? ahh yes) but neway… I'm off 2 write m'next'n! REVIEW, PRETTY PRETTY PLZ! Even if u just say "good story" or "ur storys 'eh'" or even "YOUR STORY SUCKS BOTTOM!" just REVIEW! PLEASE! **

**BTW, I SWEAR it wasn't supposed to take over a year... i'm getting what i deserve, don't worry, i've lost all my readers '(**


	28. Normalish

**Another blank page and I have NO IDEA how to gear this story toward the ending I want… I shall just have to start and see what they do and HOPE… :sits and sighs toward screen: **

When we landed in Carmel, everyone was there waiting. Well, OK, not 'everyone,' but the whole Ackerman clan. Mom, Andy, David, Jake, and Dope—err, Brad. Old habits die hard… Mom and Andy still lived there, but the other three didn't. Strike that, Brad did. He was a fitness trainer in the area. Jake was a cop in San Francisco. **A/N: I couldn't put Jesse or Paul in a uniform as I've seen done in fics, (drool drool), so I did this instead!** David went to a community college in Wisconsin. Kidding. He went to one you might've heard of… Yahlay or something. Kidding again. He went to Yale. Restrain your shock, please. He was a major in some science field whose name I can never remember. Now, I'm not in a position to find any of the Ackerman men attractive, but absence makes the heart grow… less revolted… I could see why they all had girlfriends. I couldn't see why one of them was Debbie Mancuso, but that's Brad's bad taste. They had been on-again-off-again practically since graduation. It'd be nice if they'd stop dumping each other, but their getting married would mean seeing her at _family reunions_! Shudder. Jake was going out with some girl who had once been falsely accused of something or other… She was an author. She made it sound like he had seen her truly innocent heart when no one else would… which might be true, but she does write romantic fiction. Her name was Tina. That's there for Proma ! (because her name** is Tina, remember,) and also for Tina Hakim-Baba whose name popped into my head with the romance fiction thing… Keep in mind that I'm finding this stuff out about at exactly the same time you are…** And David was with a Philosophy major. She was probably about as smart as him, but he was all facts and she was all concepts. David wrote me a lot.

I hugged Mom, Andy, and David. Sounds mean, I know, but Brad and Jake didn't exactly _mind_. No one said anything out of the ordinary until we were in the car. Gina and Claire got a rental. Tim had been in the back last I'd seen. Jake finally broke the silence.

"So you're fiancé is… a ghost?"

"Yups."

"Are you _nuts_?"

"Nope."

"I liked it better when I thought you were in a gang."

"Lovely."

Mom decided to interrupt then. "So is he… umm… here now?"

"No," I replied patiently. "The car's too small."

"I see…"

"Some people have met him… Claire has…" I left it open in case someone decided to add something.

"I have…" Trust David! He always was my favorite.

"What?" Andy exclaimed incredulously.

"Yeah, that one time, when Suze was at the school exorcizing that girl who killed herself and Jesse couldn't go save her so he came to my room and told me to go get her, remember? Man, it was scary. And half the school fell down and they said it was a highly centralized earthquake?"

"Umm… yeah," I agreed.

"THAT was what you were doing at the school?"

"No, of course not. My gang was having a meeting."

"Suze!"

"Yes, that was what I was doing at the school. So, anyone _else_ seen Jesse?" I asked pointedly.

"No," Brad replied.

"Brilliant response."

David looked twice at him, but everyone else seemed to think he was just being himself.

"So umm… Susie… how are you planning to… err… have the wedding?"

"Well, we've found a tux for Jesse…" A man about Jesse's size had died at a black-tie affair and was willing to lend him the tux. I reminded him that no one would care if he showed up in his usual outfit, but he said it didn't feel right, and Claire was on his side because weddings were supposed to be… yaddah yaddah yaddah. Claire had mentioned how funny it would be if she mediated the owner of the tux during the wedding and his clothes went with him and Jesse's clothes were suddenly gone. I agreed that it would be incredibly funny, but that if she did it, I _would_ have to kill her. Gina was under instructions not to let her leave the chapel during the ceremony, just in case. "And I'm wearing Mom's dress from when she married… from her first wedding. And Father Dom's marrying us, of course."

"Didn't you invite your old friend… Paul?"

I gagged. "The fact that he isn't dead yet is not my fault."

"Yeah. I heard he was behind that kidnapping."

"You heard from _whom_, Brad?" asked his father curiously.

"Oh… you know… her friends…"

"Which ones?" I asked, having fun now.

"Umm… CeeCee…"

"Really? 'Cause I could've _sworn_ CeeCee heard it from you…"

"Umm… Adam?"

"I'm pretty sure he'd have told CeeCee first…"

"Well… it was someone."

"Of _course_ it was…" David was now looking between Brad and me. But apparently, most people don't immediately think that the informant might've been dead, because no one else did.

"Whatever."

"Oh, and Jack's coming to the wedding. He's flying first class. He'll be here tomorrow."

"Who?" My mother looked blank.

"Jack Slater. Paul's little brother?"

"Why is _he_ going but not Paul?"

"Because Paul is evil and Jack is cute."

"Oh…"

"Paul kidnapped Jack too… Stupid bastard was gonna kill me…"

"Susannah!" That was Mom.

"Well it's true!"

Andy changed the subject to how we'd missed Carmel. Well, except for Brad.

When it turned to my turn, I said "Well, I really missed Debbie." I thought a moment. "No, wait, I'm wrong."

"Suze!"

"Yeah, yeah…"

Then the topic changed to the weather. Yeah, _that_ wasn't contrived. **A/N: Can anyone think of a less… you know… _literate_ word than "contrived"? cuz we kno our Susie isn't the brightest fish in the drawer. Sorry. Am sick, am cranky, and am taking it out on EVERYONE!** But eventually, we got to 99 Pine Crest, where we were staying. I went up to my old room, and Jesse was already sitting on the window seat, just like he used to. The guys were helping me with my suitcases and Mom was walking us up.

"Oh, hey! Guys, Jesse. Jesse, you know Mom, Andy, David, Jake, and… umm… that other one."

"Susie!"

"And Brad. Whatever."

"Nice to meet you," said Jesse politely to the two or so people who may have been able to hear him.

"You too!" responded David excitedly, because an actual dead person was actually talking to him and no one was in danger.

"What did he say?" asked Andy.

"He said screw all you people," answered Brad.

"Bradley!" his father rebuked.

"He said 'nice to meet you,'" corrected David.

"Umm… You too!" Mom replied courteously.

"So, Jesse, did Gina and Claire get to their hotel?"

"If they hadn't arrived safely, I seriously doubt I should be here now."

"Fair point. Hey Mom, have CeeCee and Adam gotten here from Seattle yet?"

"They're driving over." With gas prices what they were, of course, they had an electric car. **A/N: Remember, u guyz, it's 10 yrs in d future, so gas prices r gonna be like 200 bucks per gallon or some'n…** "They'd crossed the border into California this morning when they called, so it should just be a couple more hours."

"Wow! I'm unbelievably bored just _thinking_ about it!" I caught a glimpse of green from my hand. "Oh, that's right, Mom! You haven't seen my ring!" I displayed it proudly.

"Oh, Susie! It's gorgeous!" Brad quietly left the room. Well, not quietly, but he obviously thought he was. Jesse followed him. They could actually talk if no one else was around. I doubted that was high on Brad's priority list, but who cared about Brad? Jesse just wanted to be acknowledged. And possibly to annoy him because of the "screw you all" comment in front of a lady. Mom, not me. Hah.

"Thanks for the moving help, guys! And Brad, wherever he went…"

They left my room to help the boys get settled and I lay down on my old bed. This room was very girly, wasn't it? Nostalgia swept over me for a moment, and then boredom. So I went to check up on the girls and Tim. They were, of course, fine, though Gina complained that it was kind of weird listening to the other two talk since she couldn't see or hear Tim… We girl-talked for a bit and then I went home. The week passed in a pretty uneventful way, but it seemed interesting to me because I kept getting to see people I'd missed. Wow. It sounds really boring reading it. That's pretty cool! Like I'm normal or something! And then the wedding day. Yay!


	29. Elfin

The wedding was great. Very… weddingy. Jesse looked very dashing in his tux. Like he doesn't always. It was a beautiful reception. All ELEVEN of us had a great time. It was great seeing Cee and Adam again. They were the cutest couple ever. With the exception of me and Jesse, of course. And maybe Claire and Tim. And probably Mia and Michael. **A/N: wait… the princess diaries can't exist in the same dimension as… cross that last one.** And maybe Jess and Rob. **A/N: I know, I know, but I couldn't resist! But scratch that one too.** Obviously I would describe the wedding in more detail, but it's really much more small-talk than any important events. It got interesting once we got into the hotel room for our "honeymoon." I won't bore you with the details… or interest you, as the case me be, but one incident bears repeating. We had just gotten into the room, I immediately flopped onto the bed, took one look at Jesse, and burst out laughing. I know, not exactly proper honeymoon etiquette, but as I had been looking, the tuxedo had vanished in a glow of white light. There was a sound of mad giggles outside and a knock at the door, then footsteps running away. There was a note pushed under the door. It read "Jesse's clothes are out here. You're welcome. –G, C, and T" Jesse insisted that he didn't find it funny, but he was doing a bad job of stifling a smile. Anyway, the rest went as you might expect a honeymoon to go. Ahem. Yes. Anyway.

That night, I had a freakish dream. But it stood out in my memory.

"_OK, Jesse," I say. "Now we're married. Now I want a baby. Who can give me a baby?"_

_Jesse's ears get all pointy and he giggles like an elf. There's suddenly a long line of men waving at me. Really long. I think it's every man in New York. Jesse grins and skips along the line of men with his hand out going through everyone in the line. Finally he hits something and falls flat on his back. The man steps out of the line. I wake up._

For some reason when I woke up, the first thing I did was look at Jesse's ears. They weren't pointy. They were very nice. For ears.Then I woke up a little more. I started wondering…

_Suddenly, I'm outside… Jesse and Paul are mud-wrestling in Speedos… wait… that isn't mud… that's… chocolate? Oooohh…_ _Unfortunately, I wake up._

What on Earth could _that_ mean? **A/N: I know what it means… See, I believe, as you can see in my profile, that every fan fic should have Jesse and Paul wrestling in chocolate wearing speedos. But in this story, the only way was to put it in a dream… :sighs: Anyway, now some Jesse for you.**

Jesse's POV

Well, aside from the somewhat embarrassing, admittedly humorous incident with the tuxedo, the honeymoon went fantastically. After we… well… after Susannah went to sleep, she was muttering, and when she woke up, she seemed to be looking at my ears… but aside from that… Well, it was good to finally feel like what we were doing was within the contract of marriage. Anyway. In the morning, she went out to see her clothes-stealing friends for a bit. I didn't see why this was necessary, but she said it was "girl stuff" and left me with Tim. Sometimes, I can't understand her at all… But she came back after about an hour or two, and then we got back to… well… honeymooning. Then she said she was going to shower. After the water stopped, there was some time and then, my worst fear, a scream. It wasn't just the fact that she'd screamed which lent scene a nightmarish quality… It was _what_ she screamed.

"SLATER!" There was a loud thud.

**A/N: OK, guys, I know you're thinking, "again, Emily? How many times r u gonna do dat same ting? You brought him all the way to cali4nia just 2 repeat this overused plot device?" and so I say "wow, u suddenly got articul8 halfway thru the sentence… amaaazing!" But I ALSO say "all shall be xplained, and the 1 thing u can't call me is "repetitive". Well, you _can_, but it just shan't b tru! At least not for this… I wonder if I've managed 2 lose any readers over all this? I think I'll post the next chappy, just to make sure… oh, btw, it's May 31, 2005. Oh, next chapter is short… but really close to the end!**

**Later: OK, i HAVE to get some flames for that may '05 thing. Come on. I'd flame me for that. I figure one flame per reader should average out to... one review. :-( but it's my own fault.**


	30. Warming up

"SLATER!" I shouted, kicking the wall. Jesse came running in immediately. He looked kind of confused (but relieved) when he realized I was alone, until he saw what I was holding. It was a little stick with a digital readout. The readout said… "pregnant." Well, this explained the moodswings. And the nausea I sometimes woke up with… that I'd attributed to bad dreams… Oh god, _morning sickness. _With the word on the readout plus the word I'd shouted, it can't have been too hard to figure out. Jesse started talking very fast in Spanish. I couldn't move my gaze. There was a period of shock. The next thing I remember, I was on the bed, sobbing, and Jesse was caressing my hair. I was pregnant. Me. Pregnant. Paul's. Me. Paul. Baby. Married… How could this… It was just one time!

After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, Jesse broke the silence.

"Maybe… Maybe this could be a good thing."

I looked up at him expecting to see a raving lunatic… maybe with pointy ears. Nope, still Jesse.

"Well, I mean… We couldn't… have our own… So maybe this way…"

I was starting to catch on. "Yeah! And…" I was trying to force the words 'Rosemary's baby' out of my head. "And… Well… If Paul and I are both shifters… maybe the baby will be able…"

"Well, we mustn't get our hopes up, just in case… but wouldn't it be nice…?"

"I guess I've always kind of wanted a baby… I mean, I haven't seriously considered anything but adoption since I met you… And I'm sure if we bring the baby up OK… it won't end up like… that."

"Right… right. It couldn't."

We talked for a while more, and I was kind of starting to warm up to the idea… I mean, if we got a restraining order for Paul… but made him pay child support… this baby could have a good life! Even (hope against hope) two parents… maybe…

**OK… short chapter, I know… I couldn't think of anything else to put in… but the next chapter shall be THE LAST! And it shall be a few months in the future… NINE months, to be exact. **


	31. Ending

**W00t, you guys! This is the last chapter! Can you BELIEVE it? I can't! How can this be over? I don't know whether to laugh or cry… this story's been my baby… my demented, ugly little demonic baby that I never particularly liked who yelled at me all the time and whom I hit a lot…. Err… what was I saying? Well anyway, it's currently 10/22/2005… OK… where shall I start? OK… umm…**

"Oh my god, it's another contraction! I was just kidding, guys, I never really wanted a baby! Make it stop!"

"Alright!" announced the nurse. "Out you go, girls!" She was referring to Gina and Claire, who'd been in the delivery room with me. They were the only ones in there… that the nurse could _see_, anyway… Tim went out with Claire, and Jesse stayed with me. I'd been squeezing his hand… apparently he'd forgotten for a moment that I… well, I wasn't exactly a frail little lady… at least, that might be why he was massaging his hand between my contractions.

"Sorry…" I said to him.

"That's quite alright," the nurse assured me, not realizing I meant my husband and not her. "We get that all the time, but we haven't 'made it stop' once yet."

I forced a laugh that changed into a groan as I had _another_ contraction. They were getting closer, which was probably good. I had dilated so much I could've given birth to a kindergartener. Or that was what it felt like, anyway. I hoped this was a really little baby… wait, no. I hoped it was a really big baby, to account for all the weight I'd gained. No one had ever told me having a baby would _hurt_ so much! And I was used to pain! Wait, actually, _everyone_ had told me having a baby would hurt a lot… I'd known that much since I knew babies were _born_… I'd just never understood what pain was until OWW! Well, it went on like that for a few more contractions, and then the baby was actually born.

It was a girl. She was beautiful. Her eyes were blue, but not ice blue. They might even change to green someday, the way they looked. One could only hope. She was so adorable… wait, she shouldn't be this adorable… Oh. She wasn't crying. That was bad. It meant she wasn't breathing. But _wait_! She _was_ breathing! The nurse said that rarely happened, but it wasn't unheard of. "May I be alone with my baby?"

"Of course." She left, once satisfied I wasn't going to smother it or something. But that wasn't the plan. It was the moment of truth. Of course, we'd already decided we wouldn't be disappointed, but it'd be nice… I couldn't help but get my hopes up a little…

Jesse put his hand toward the baby. It stopped. "I don't know if I'm actually touching her or if I just don't want my hand to go any further." The baby wasn't looking at him or anything, but then she wasn't looking at me either. In fact, she wasn't focusing on any point in particular. She was looking around, soaking everything in. I guess this was pretty different from the inside of a uterus. Still supporting the baby completely, I started trying to pass her off to Jesse… I slowly moved my hands away… She was still up. He was holding her. HE WAS HOLDING HER!

"It's like destiny!" I exclaimed, near tears. Sue me, I just burst a kid. He was smiling down at the little baby, who looked totally serene. What if she was retarded? The baby looked straight at me, curious. No, this baby was clearly a genius. She was going to be president one day. Or a scientist. Or a doctor. This baby was clearly destined for great things. "We should name her Destiny!"

"Name a baby Destiny?"

"Sure! I've been looking at baby names, it's actually not uncommon. And clearly this is Destiny." The baby looked at Jesse for confirmation. Yes, I am assuming that the baby spoke English. It was a very clever baby.

"She does look like a Destiny, I suppose… And I like it better than your other ideas…"

"Parents are becoming more original in their baby naming, I will have you know."

"Where did you even _find_ some of those?"

"Baby-naming websites… under 'uncommon names'."

"Is that where you found Destiny?"

"No, I just thought of it looking at her."

He considered the baby, handing her back to me as I held my arms out. "I can see why."

I looked at Destiny. She did not look one iota like Paul. She was beautiful, definitely, and some of her features may have come from his side, but she lacked his essential evil. She radiated innocent baby-ness.

Nestling closer to me, she let her little eyes close.

"Oh my god, it's like death by cuteness."

"She looks like you."

"Thank god. Maybe if we raise her right, she'll act like _you_." He laughed. "Do you love her?" I asked suddenly.

He looked at her, and then at me. "Yes."

I nodded, careful not to jostle her. "Me too."

**Anti-climactic, a bit, but I'm considering a sequel, if I should become inspired. I would call it "Fate and Destiny" if I decide to. Anyone like the idea? Meanwhile, of course, I have to work on my book. I know, I know, I'm not _quite_ talented enough to be writing my own book, but at least my people can't be out of character, right? Because, I mean, I know these people better than I know myself. Which is weird, but true. I plan to follow my people and their kids and maybe their grandkids. I could go about as many generations as I want with my omnipotent narrator, Tina. I've already started it, if anyone is interested in reading it. I can't believe I'm done with my ficlet! It's over:sob: Can you all believe it? You probably can, since I started even this chapter almost a year ago… I'm a horrible person, I know. I love all my readers! I'll miss you all! Private message me! If you like Meg Cabot, we'll be fast friends! If you don't, you need to be locked up! Viva Meg Cabot! D2FP! I love everyone! You people, guys… One of you might even be a guy! Paul Flowers, if you are reading this, we lost your e-mail. We miss you!**

**Finished, April 15, 2006.**

**Later: Maybe that "can you all believe it" should change to "can you BOTH believe it". if i'm optimistic. gosh, that was a cute chapter, though. i love babies.**


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